3.5 yr old at preschool they want to refer to SEN?

[Woodelf]

Help! I'm a first time mum and a bit confused about what is going on. At the preschool my son has attended for well over a year they want to refer him to a SENCO. I understand their role is to help when a child is falling behind in some way, and of course I want my son to do well, but all I can get out of them is that he doesn't want to join in with the sitting down bit at the end. He's just not a very 'group' orientated kid imo. He has a huge attention span and when he's doing something he loves he does not want to be interrupted! (I'm a bit the same...) He's v bright and is chatty and involved with friends outside of school. They seem to think he may lack confidence but I do not think confidence is an issue for him, simply strong mindedness. I've always noticed with him that he likes to be left to get on with things and is very independent.
Should I let them see him or just forget it? I don't want his name on any lists or have him used just to tick their quota boxes...
Sorry for the long post..

I would ask to speak to the manager in private and ask her exactly why they are referring him. They only have his best interests at heart and I'm sure will not be doing it to fill any quota boxes!

Every preschool has to have a SEN member of staff and it might just be that she/he will focus more on your DS for a while (he might be be one of that member of staff's key child) to carry out observations. Unless they give you more details, I wouldn't be happy with their explanation of why they want to involve a SEN. I would tell the preschool leader what you said above about his characteristics (they should actually have these/likes/dislikes/etc in his EYFS file)and assertively ask them why they're concerned. Tell them you have no concerns. You are completely entitled to stay and watch him during a session.
Ask at your next session, if you can read his file. It will contain everything he's been doing lately and lots of observations (possibly on post it notes) about things they've noticed he does well or not etc.
Perhaps they are checking whether there's a reason why he doesn't want to join in and it doesn't mean they think there is something negatively worng; it could just be that they are worried he's not feeling included or doesn't know how to ask for help etc. Don't forget until age 3+, children cannot play 'with' other children. They play alongside them but don't really interact until after this age and sometimes not until they get to reception.

I've been a SENCO at a nursery before. A member of staff comes to the SENCO with a concern about a child. They may very well be wrong. The SENCO or the staff member should do lots of observations to find out what stage the child is at, then compare the child to what stage they should be at. They should have proof that your child has some kind of developmental delay before coming to you with it. I suggest asking them exactly what their concern is.

The idea that children should sit down and pay attention is a bit old fashioned now anyway. The staff need to adapt their teaching to the interests and abilities of the children, not nag children to do things they aren't interested in or are not at a stage where they can do it.

Thanks for all your replies, I will go back and ask more questions but think I may decide for them to let him be at least until his next year at the big school nursery! .

I feel a lot less worried now and I'll be able to be more assertive with them.