DS can't concentrate apparently

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DS1 is nearly 4. He is very bright, has great speech, very inquisitive and all round lovely (although a challenge at times )

He goes to a lovely preschool with great staff but they have been making more and more comments lately that he doesn't concentrate. He starts school in September and they say he needs to work on it before school starts.

I am undecided about this. On the one hand, he is a little boy and is incredible physical. He needs to jump and climb and generally be active. He has never had any interest in doing fiddly things, drawing, painting and gets very frustrated. I figure he has the rest of his life to sit at a desk and concentrate so I may as well let him do his own thing while he can.

On the other hand, his concentration levels do seem to be getting worse, as is his behaviour and I am desperate for him to have some 'quiet time' I also know that, as I have a 1 year old as well, I'm not great at sitting down and spending focused time with him which I probably should do more of.

Any ideas how to help him, or should I carry on regardless.

Also, anyone have a 3 year old who was like this and then settled down?

Disclaimer I am no expert and have no direct experience.

However, it does sound to me as though the preschool staff are trying to flag something which they feel may be symptomatic of other issues. Since his EYFS records will go with him to school, school will be forewarned and may suggest early assessments of some sort?

Do preschool have any constructive suggestions for you? IIWY I might be inclined to try him with lots of different types of activity - does he concentrate on any of them? Is it can't, or just won't on the things which preschool want him to do (in which case - I am with you - let him do his thing while he can)?

Your ds sounds lovely - a really sparky child

Of course, I'm prejudiced, because my ds1 was very much like that at 4. He was not particularly physically able - a little delayed, if anything - but more than made up for it intellectually. He couldn't concentrate because everything was so interesting, and he wasn't interested in fiddly things becuase (a) he just didn't have the fine motor skills and (b) that just wasn't (and still isn't) his cup of tea.

Now, at 9yo, he will spend hours on Meccano, so is clearly developing the FMS and using them in the direction that intersts him. He will occasionally draw fairly detailed pictures of machines, but otherwise shows virtually no interest in 'arty' activities.

Every year, in every report, his teachers comment on the need for him to improve his concentrations kills. Yet every year and in every subject he is in the top group. I don't think he's struggling .

He also has a sibling 2y younger than him.

Hope this helps you feel a bit better.

stealth, I think he can concentrate. He is very good at jigsaws and, if he's in the mood, can easily do a 30 piece one.

He also enjoys playing games like dominoes and things when he's at home. I think he's just easily distracted.

Candles, I think your DS is very similar. Without wishing to make assumptions about him at an early age, he seems much more geared towards how things work and construction type things.

Preschool say they are trying to make him decide on a picture and complete it, and maybe work in smaller groups at school, rather than have free reign of all the activities.

So there you are then - he can concentrate if he wants to.

I would leave it TBH - maybe encourage the jigsaw thing and see if you can build up his concentration a bit more - and then see what school say.

Something that I found heloped ds1 concentrate at that age, and that I still use occasionally, was to do things in a slightly differnt environment. Eg for drawing we bought an easel so that he could work standing up, or getting him to draw/write/do puzzles etc at a coffee table, where he could stand, rather than sitting at a regular table. Pavement chalks on the patio were a huge hit: he never drew as much indoors or on paper as he did on the floor! When he started school and had spellings to learn we used to do them on the patio too. Much easier than pencil and paper when your FMSs aren't quite there yet.

That's good advice candles.

I'm hoping the weather gets better soon so we can do some more things outside and I don't have to worry about him getting frustrated and throwing paint at the walls!

Can't offer any practical help because he sounds fine to me!

If he's starting school in September then it's possibly a case of 'he's ready for school'. My dd was awful the term before she started school. Sent us crazy. She's a different child now after just a few weeks.

I think it's relevant too that you mentioned you're not spending as much time with him as you'd like due to having a baby. If you can figure out a way to get more one-to-one time with your eldest then I think you'd notice a difference.

You are clearly a very caring mum who is aware of her son's needs and as long as you remain so I think he'll be just fine.

He sounds like a happy 4 year old boy to me!

Thanks peanut

I've been trying really hard to get DS2 into a proper nap pattern (has been awful at daytime sleep) so that I can spend more time with DS1.

He's almost at the stage where he can last until lunchtime and then have a good long sleep

Am a nursery teacher and think if he can concentrate at an activity of his own choosing when nearly 4 then he is absolutley fine. He is able to concentrate but is just not ready to do it when asked yet, not unusual in a child of his age! Might be worth clarifying with the staff if they are aware of him concentrating/persevering at his own choice of activity and whether they only have trouble when it's something they have asked him to do. I would only be slightly concerned is he's not yet beginning to be able to concentrate at things he chooses for himself but I wouldn't be overly concerned as he is still so young, it may be that they are just making you aware in case further down the line it does become more of a problem. Let us know how he gets on {[smile

Totally agree with Mum2all, I'm an early years consultant, I'd advise to let him continue with all the physical things he wants to do. Sitting still and using a pen is an extremely difficult task using all of a child's muscles to balance and control their body, plus the wrist bones don't develop into real bone until child is around four or five so having to use a pencil too early can actually be painful and will put him off altogether. If the pre-school want him to paint they need to provide activities where he can move around such as outdoor painting with large brushes and large paper or putting wallpaper onto walls and painting with sponges or fruit printing etc. He sound like a lovely, normal little boy, enjoy hime whilst it lasts!

My DS who is nearly 5 was just like this.It is only in the last few weeks that he has started doing drawings and sitting down and now I can't stop him. He is also lego obsessed and I think this helped with his fine motor skills.Previously he was all up and about. I do get comments about how fidgety he is but he is getting better. They have siad at school about trying to incorporate more physical things in to activites he finds it hard to sit still in like reading. They suggested jumping as he sounds outwords, doing shapes of letters in sand, lots of playdough etc and have given me plenty of strategies. Otherwise he is inquisitive, interested and in to everything,and is much more interested in factual things. Perhaps pre-school could get your son doing something he might be interested in and work with him around a particular topic eg dinosaurs, trains, tractors. YOu wouldn't get my DS sticking and glueing me a mother's day card - I always got one but knew that the staff had seriuosly helped out with it!
See what strategies they can suggest and ask specifically about any concerns they may have. Good luck

Thanks, that's really reassuring. I do think that, in terms of aptitudes, he's just not very creative. He is very interested in how things work and why things happen, will quite happily work on jigsaws etc, just not that keen on drawing me a lion!

While I have your attention, although I may post this in behaviour as well, I think a lot of his problems stem from chronic overtiredness.

We have always battled with him at bedtime, ever since he was a baby. Once he's asleep he's fine but he just can't switch off. When he was a baby he used to scream himself to sleep (not CC but any attempts at intervention on our part just made him 10 times worse). Now that he has outgrown the crying he gets very hyperactive at bedtime.

We have always had a routine at bedtime (bath, stories, songs) but it is getting increasingly difficult for him to calm down. It isn't that he's not tired - quite the opposite, but he goes into overdrive.

Examples ......
He screws his face up. sticks his tongue out and runs or jumps up and down on the spot
He jumps on the bed
He throws himself to the floor repeatedly
He stands on his head
He does 360 in the bed.

I lie with him in a dark room and sing him lullabies and think that he's about to fall asleep and, all of a sudden - Snap, he's standing on his head and beating his feet

He dropped his lunchtime nap ages ago but sometimes sleeps in the car - but this makes no difference.

It makes no difference how much exercise he has had.

He has also started waking earlier, with the same behaviour - so he's only getting about 10 hours sleep a night and he definitely needs more.

Anybody got any ideas?

You're not going to like this, but I think it's learned behaviour. "Way-hey! I get a reaction out of Mummy, and she stays a bit longer with me!"

No doubt he's over-tired, but to a certain extent it's a chicken-and-egg problem: being over-tired makes him more likely to play up, and playing up cuts down on his sleep.

I think you need to try the Supernanny approach.

Start your bedtime routine a little earlier, if you can, to allow for the misbehaviour. Don't respond to any behaviour you want him to stop doing, but reward behaviour you want him to continue doing. Remember, don't punish - ignore as much as possible. If he won't put on his pj top, say nothing, just put it on him.

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to stay with your dc until he falls asleep, especially if you have more than one. If you read him a story, have a bedtime cuddle and then leave the room (or some such similar routine), then you can probably expect him to get up several times. That's when you really need to implement the Supernanny Protocol. It does work (thus speaks the Voice of Experience ), but you have to dedicate a week or so to it.

When trying to change a pattern of behaviour, it often works better to do things in reverse order. So you'd work on the actual bedtime for a few weeks, then when that was working well, you'd work on the stage before - say the geting from bathroom to bedroom. Then when that was working, you'd work on the bathtime itself. D'you see what I mean? It's a long-winded process, but may be easier for you than trying to change everything at once. That is also possible, but, I find, difficult to do unsupported.

Thanks candles, I know you're right.

DH and I were discussing this last night and we are going to change things a little bit. At the moment we all have stories on our bed, as we all fit, but we are going to move stories to downstairs on the sofa. I think being on our bed gives him more opportunity to bounce around and play about, whereas if he's sitting on the sofa, cuddling one of us, he may be more restrained.

That's the plan anyway.

And yes, no more lying with him until he's ready for sleep - because it doesn't work anyway . Also, now DS2 is 12 months it isn't really fair on him that he gets 1 story, a quick breastfeed and then plonked in his cot while DS1 gets another hour of settling. Pretty soon he's going to notice!