not ready for nursery

[tina86]

hi there i need some advice . my daughter 3 years started nursery 2 weeks ago and im very worried one of the teachers told me yesterday that her behaviour has been really bad . pushing other children . not understanding and generaly misbevaving and also having a lot of toilet accidents . im really confused as she not like that at home. sure she has her tantums and and we are working on her listening . but its just not like her . she is fine with the toilet at home . they have advised me to put her back in nappys but i dont agree. shes is going 5 afternoons a week i think it maybe to much because she has very been to any kind of nursery before. should i take her out and look for a nursery for 2 or 3 sessions aweek to get her used to it .also i get the feeling that she not very popular at nursery . please help. any suggestions welcome

Nurseries want children back in nappies because it is less mess and trouble for them - not what is necessarily best for the child. She probably isn't popular with staff or children, and perhaps 5 afternoons is too much of a leap. Children mature at different rates and she might be feeling pretty angry at being left there so much all of a sudden. Why not ask if you can stay for a session, or cut down the sessions she attends at that nursery? Is the atmosphere there good? Is it supportive and nurturing enough or is she being expected to sit for long periods of time drawing or looking at books? She might need somewhere with a garden, sand tray, big apparatus?

i think i will ask to cut down the time she is there . also there is 24 children with 3 adults is this the right number ? the atmosphere is good but when i asked if they could keep me posted on her behavior i was told they cant do that everyday. they have a small playground with bikes and toys and a couple of areas to do drawing and reading. im a bit conserned that she not getting a lot of one 2 one time and being agnored .

the nursery I send my DS to bends over backwards to keep my son happy and me reassured; they cant tell you every day how she is going??!!

If I were you I might try another nursery, it that were an option. Can you ask her whats wrong and see what she might prefer?

i think i will change nurserys. im not happy with this one . thank u for ur advise it comferms what i thought . they should be able to tell me whats been happening every day . when i ask her about nursery she tells me she likes it . im just worried about the bad behavior as this is not like her . it maybe her testing boundries but they should be able to deal with that with my help .im also worried that they are not supervising the children properly . thanks again for your advic. very helpful

3 staff to 24 children is fine at 3+, but you;'re quite right, she won;t be getting very much one-to-one time, if any.
I think the wrench from home, where she has constant one-to-one, and such a big group, and so frequently, migth be a bit much. Has she spent much time at toddler groups etc getting used to taking turns, not pushing etc?

Go and look at other nurseries by all means
but don't expect them to be vastly different.

2 weeks is not an awful long time to have settled at nursery - I would give it a while longer to be honest. And maybe come to a compromise with nursery that she is allowed (say) 1 accident and then they can put her in pull-ups.

I think they should be able to tell you how she is each day but with 24 children it may well be along the lines of "she was fine" rather than huge detailed report. At DD's nursery the staff only tend to tell you about problems/issues unless you specifically ask - so no news is good news!

You're right she will get little (if any) 1-1 time BUT she should get some time with an adult in a smaller group each day.

Can you not agree with her current nursery that she goes for 2-3 sessions a week until she settles down more?

Rather than reducing the number of sessions could you reduce the length of each session? If we have children who have difficulty settling we often ask parents just to leave them for an hour or so and gradually build this up. She may not be gettin a full session 1-1 but they should be giving her some time if she is finding settling difficult. In my setting we have 20 children with myself and a nursery nurse and we manage to give each new child some 1-1 time to help them settle. We are also able to give new parents a fairly detailed review of the child's session as we keep a close eye on our new starts in the beginning to avoid problems like these. The nursery staff should be encouraging her to go to the toilet more often (they can set up a chart to remind her every 15 mins if they need to!) it is probably just that everything is new and interesting and she doesn't want to leave what she is doing to go to the toilet. I am really that they would even suggest putting her back in nappies!

If you don't need her to go to nursery for work or for your sanity then you don't have to send her, you know - it's not compulsory!

24 children to 3 staff is correct. It's 1:8 for over 3s, but that is a minimum. A better nursery will have a better ratio. Some days are quieter than others so the ratios are often better. Fridays tend to be quiet.

A child needs time at a nursery to get used to it. Most good nurseries will refuse to take a child for just one morning per week, for example, as the child will have a hard time getting used to the setting. You sometimes get a problem with tiredness though. Nurseries are busy and a bit 'full on'. Maybe skip the Wednesday session for a midweek rest.

Toileting often takes a dip when there's a change of routine. Could be tiredness too. I would try to avoid nappies. If she is getting upset you could try pull-ups for a bit.

A good nursery will listen too your needs, explain things well, and work with you.