Help - Ds1 not settling well at pre-school and I feel really awful about it.

[Jojay]

I've just left him there for his afternoon session in floods of tears

He turned 3 in November and started preschool last week, 3 afternoons a week.

The first couple of days he trotted off with hardly a backward glance. The third day he was a bit clingier so I stayed for 20 mins of so, then left - -he was happy for me to leave and seemed fine when I picked him up, albeit pleased to see me.

DH took him on Tuesday and he was clingy again but no tears. DH stayed for a bit and then snuck out without DS noticing. Not ideal, and DH felt bad about doing it once he thought about it. The staff told be he had cried briefly when he realized that DH had gone, but soon cheered up and was ok for the rest of the session.

I took him today and he kept asking me to stay, so I did. He sat down and was eating his lunch so I told him i was going to go, nad he went loopy. I stayed for a bit longer, tried to get him to read a story with one of the staff, but he was having none of it. In the end I had to go as DS2 was howling for his lunch in the buggy, nad one of the staff took him from me in full hysterics mode .

Now I feel awful that I left him there. He's quite reserved around other children until he knows them, but he has got a few friends he gets on well with.

I returnred to work part time when he was 6 momths old and he went - and still goes to - a brilliant childminder 2 days a week. it's a real home from home for him, he adores her kids and we've never had any problems there. so he's never really been to group childcare before though we've been to loads of toddler groups, soft play etc over the years, and he enjoys these.

Can anyone give me any advice / reassurance? I'm dreading tomorrows drop off now

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It's a tough one, but if it were me I would say that I am not going to stay and stick to it.

I know it sounds tough, and I am sure others will have differing opinions. But, if he knows you are not going to stay and he is not going to be able to pursaude you to - then he may stop trying to convince you to stay?

I was at my daughters pre-school on Monday and the key worker there told me about 50% of new children cry and 50% don't. Of the children I saw cry they stopped pretty quickly after their parents left and then just got on with it. The staff kept a close eye on the upset children and played games with them to distract them.

Don't know if this is any help, but I do hope it gets easier for you.

TP

I think you are probably both right.

I've decided to take him in later today and let him have lunch at home. I don't think eating lunch is a sufficiently engrossing activity to take his mind off the fact that I'm leaving, IYSWIM.

By taking him in a bit later, the other kids will have started an activity, that hopefully he will join in with straight away.

I spoke to one of the staff and she will come come up to us as soon as we arrive and say 'Come on DS1 - lets go and do some cutting' or whatever (he's obsessed with scissors) and she'll lead him away.

Hopefully that will be better - wish me luck!

Thanks to you both

Well it was better today. I dropped him off a bit later and handed him straight over to a member of staff who took him inside. He cried a bit but he was whisked away and she sid that by the time he had his coat and wellies off he was fine.

I arrived a few minutes early to collect him and saw through the window that he was playing with a little girl, which was nice to see. Then he saw he and waved but then carried on playing till they brought him out.

So I feel much better that he does have a nice time once he's over the tears and he is in a very jolly mood now we're home.

Thanks for your advice