Should I say something to DS's nursery teacher?

[normanthehairdresser]

DS nursery teacher is coming for a home visit this pm. He's a lovely man and teaches at the same school as a close friend of ours - so knows us in and out of school to some extent. DS is 3.4 and adopted at 18 months.

While un-keen on being left, DS has apparently had a very good time during the first couple of weeks of nursery school (he's doing 3 mornings a week), and seemed happy when we returned after absences of up to 1 hour. However, yesterday when Daddy left him for the full session he clearly wasn't happy, and the staff picked up that he was very quiet and withdrawn. We know this is something of a danger signal as he was abnormally withdrawn when he came into foster care as a young baby - when he's finding things hard the response is usually to close down.

I'm not sure what, or how much, to say to the nursery teacher. They are very open about parents staying if they want to, though most don't. Will he think I'm making a big deal of one bad day if I say I am concerned about how DS is settling, and ask his advice?

I certainly don't think that he'll think you're making too much of it if he already understands/you explain the background (he shouldn't even if you don't, but it may help him if he's aware). You're not just being PFB about this; you have a genuine reason to be concerned about how your DS will handle this kind of situation, plus experience in his danger signals, and only a fool would ignore all of that. The nursery is clearly open to the idea of different settling arrangements for different children.

Thank you, that's helpful advice.

Believe me, I think there should be a new term (something like PAFB - precious adopted first born?) for even more extreme anxiety over first adopted children! DH and I recognise that we have the potential to behave like complete lunatics over him!

It's very useful to know that we probably aren't being mad in feeling that we should discuss this one with the nursery.

thanks again

hi ,of course you should voice your concerns to your ds's teacher , it will help them to understand why your lo seems quiet & withdrawn & maybe at these times they could interact with him more , good luck & i hope your lo settles in soon

Well, DS was delighted to see his nursery teacher and turns out that on Monday he actually played happily with a group of other kids, accepted comfort when another kid was rough with him, let one of the teaching assistants take him to the loo (and asked her to do it ...)

So not quite as withdrawn and out of it as I'd feared! It's amazing what they don't tell you.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm glad I asked as the picture wasn't quite as I expected!