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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

ds is frightened of the nursery toilets. Any ideas?

20 replies

fryalot · 12/05/2009 19:16

Thread title says it all really.

Ds has been toilet trained for aaaaaages, but since starting nursery in September he's been having the odd accident whilst there.

It turns out he is frightened of the toilets at school, yet he says he doesn't want any of the staff to take him to the toilet.

He also says that he doesn't feel comfortable going with an older boy.

He's there five mornings a week and it's okay as long as he can hold it in for the entire morning but he's 3, he has the odd accident and it's getting to be an issue.

Does anyone have any ideas about how to deal with this?

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Original poster

fryalot · 12/05/2009 22:51

any ideas from the late night crew?

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LupusinaLlamasuit · 12/05/2009 22:57

Hello squonk

Dunno. But do they have handdriers? My DS won't go in any public toilets cos he is terrified of the noise. Just a thought.

CBT aimed at children's fears can work well if you can work out what he's really scared of...

plimple · 12/05/2009 22:59

Is he scared of being locked in?

Original poster

fryalot · 12/05/2009 23:00

Apparently a few of the children are frightened of the hand dryers but ds says it's not the dryers he is frightened of.

The door is quite squeaky so I thought about asking them to oil it, just in case that's the problem.

erm... what's CBT?

(bloody drastic result on sunday, wasn't it!)

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chubbymummy · 12/05/2009 23:01

I've had this recently with ds too. It turns out that the flush is really loud and it scares him. I've told him to go to the toilet and then ask one of the nursery staff to help him flush it. He hasn't complained since so it must be working (either that or he's "watering" the plants instead now)

Has your ds said what he's frightened of? Perhaps it's something as simple as it's quite dark in there and he can't reach the light switch. If he can't explain it then would the staff let you have a look in there to see if you can get any ideas?

Original poster

fryalot · 12/05/2009 23:01

pimple - I didn't think of that!

I'll ask him in the morning and reassure him if that's the case

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Original poster

fryalot · 12/05/2009 23:03

chubbymummy - we use the school for toddler group so I've been taking him to those very same toilets for years and he's only become scared of them since he started nursery.

There's nothing that springs to mind except the door (and him being locked in now pimples mentioned it!)

Thanks all for replying - you're much more efficient than the early evening crew

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skidoodle · 12/05/2009 23:07

OMG this was ME!

I was terrified of the toilets at school and didn't wee or poo during school hours until I was about 8 I was REALLY good at holding it.

I remember once needing to wee so much that I was nearly in tears and telling a teacher it was because I needed to go to the toilet and him being utterly mystified when I refused to go.

Poor little fellow

Can you sit down with him and try to find out exactly what it is about the nursery toilets that scares him? How are they different from the loo in a normal house?

I was afraid of the size of the communal toilets and the way the noise carried, and also (this sounds so stupid I know, but I was only four) I became afraid of the whole concept of the toilets at school.

Could it be something similar? Are the toilets very different from what he's used to? Is there a disabled toilet he could use that would not have the noise/multiple people about?

Original poster

fryalot · 12/05/2009 23:15

The toilet seat has a gap at the front, which is different. He likes to take his trousers and underpants completely OFF when he wees, so perhaps he's worried about other kids seeing him, if he can't lock the cubicle.

Hadn't thought about the noise echoing - the loos are quite cavernous and it probably would sound really loud to a small boy.

there isn't a disabled toilet at the school - do you think it's worth asking if he can use the staff toilet (it's got carpet)?

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ninah · 12/05/2009 23:18

maybe one of the staff could stand just outside while he goes?
my ds was terrified of the sound of the chairs scraping at lunch time, it's the oddest things
staff toilet might single him out unecessariy and prolong the problem, just a thought

Original poster

fryalot · 12/05/2009 23:23

good point, ninah!

He refuses to let the staff go with him, I have suggested one of them stands outside - I even suggested his absolute favourite teacher who I think he prefers to us, and he still said no.

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ninah · 12/05/2009 23:26

that's a shame
could you get his fav teacher to have a word about it and draw him out when you are not there
he might say no when at home but in the nursery environment it would be easiser to persuade him perhaps
teacher might have suggestions too
dunno, take in toy, something like that

CherryChoc · 12/05/2009 23:27

I was scared of the toilets at school. I had grommets when I was 4 and suddenly loud noises were REALLY loud and the noise of the toilets flushing scared me, so I used to not flush it. Some other girls found out and used to stand outside the cubicle and laugh at me and call me dirty, which made me scared to come out of the toilet. (I don't actually remember this btw, my mum told me this is what happened.)

The fear must have escalated as I was scared of all unfamiliar toilets, especially public toilets (I think because of the noises, smells, etc) for a long time. I used to go in the woods etc rather than use the toilet block when camping. I only really got over it when I started drinking and I needed to go several times in an evening and some pub toilets are manky! But even now, I can't quite bring myself to lock the door in some toilets. (I just wait until it's empty and then hold the door partly shut) And particular ones which I remember from childhood as being terrifying (ie the ones in our local park) I still avoid as much as possible.

skidoodle · 12/05/2009 23:47

I think it might be worth asking if he could use the staff toilet until he gets over this. If you get the go ahead then you could suggest it to him and see if he would find that a more acceptable idea.

If he gets used to using the toilet at nursery, even a special toilet, it might take the fear out of the whole thing.

CherryChoc strangely comforting to know l wasn't the only child who felt that way

CherryChoc · 13/05/2009 00:41

Did you grow out of it too skidoodle? Or was it just a school thing (and therefore unimportant when you left school?) It was very embarrassing. I once weed all over my pyjama trousers at brownie camp because I was scared of the camping block toilets, but too shy to ask to wee in the woods, and I didn't sit far back enough on the seat and it went on my trousers. But I was too embarrassed to say I was scared of the toilet so I just let them think I hadn't got there in time. I must have been 8 so have no idea what they thought!

skidoodle · 13/05/2009 00:53

I gradually grew out of it and it was pretty much confined to school. I think after a while the fear had gone but I had a mental block about it and so still wouldn't go.

Do you ever wish you could go and make it all ok for your 8 year old self? She sounds so sweet

CherryChoc · 13/05/2009 01:17

I don't really vividly remember any feelings associated with it actually - I just remember that it happened. I'm sure my mum would have made it all ok, I have got a lovely mum!

Original poster

fryalot · 13/05/2009 11:55

SUCCESS! (well, he's not home yet, but...)

There is another boy who is frightened of the nursery toilets and they take him over the playground to the class 1 toilet. It's enclosed, it doesn't have a gap in the seat, it has no hand dryer and it is not big and echoey.

so they were going to take both boys over today and see how he gets on.

fingers crossed!

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skidoodle · 13/05/2009 20:25

How did he get on squonk?

That is nice that there is another boy he can go over with

Original poster

fryalot · 14/05/2009 09:49

He came home wearing the same clothes he went in.

He used the toilet and is happy with it.

His sister was allowed to take him over and he is happy that he likes the loo and confident of using it in future.

Thanks very much everyone, for all your advice and support.

Yaaaaay!

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