Can I have your thoughts on this please? Probably totally normal but I am a first timer!

[hereidrawtheline]

I posted this in SN too because DS is being assessed at the moment for possibly ASD.

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DS has just started at a lovely pre-school, today was his 3rd session. (half days, one day a week) I dont have any major concerns but a few tiny ones and I just wanted your thoughts on it really. Each time I collect him he bursts into tears and is pretty inconsolable, but his key worker tells me he was fine up til that point. That makes sense to me, I can remember being really overwhelmed when I was a child with my Mother. Still just wanted to run it by you. But on the way home today I was pushing him in the buggy & we were chatting about school but at this time were just walking along silently, and he said "children at big school make me upset" and I said "why do they make you upset?" then had to rephrase because he patently refuses to answer any question that starts with "why" so I said "what do they do to make you upset?" and he said "children at school make me sad and bad" and then said it again about 3 or 4 more times.

I asked him if he talked to the children and played with them and had friends & fun and he said no to all of the above.

Now I know 2.7 is not the most social age!! So I am not panicking or anything. But I am a little bit worried. I ask him every week if he wants to go back next week and he says an emphatic yes, and talks about it a lot in the week, and is quite happy for me to leave him when I drop him off. I just worry he is lonely while he is there. For DS a lot of stuff is more about the anticipation than the actual event. He likes a lot of things in theory that I know he hates in reality so I am worried he is unhappy while he is there and I am not observing.

I have asked key worker (who is SENCO and also the Head) to call me sometime so I can chat with her about how he is settling in. What do you think?

gonna bump as I really want some other opinions before I speak to key worker!

He sounds as though he has settled if he is happy for you to leave him.
I have a mindee who cries whenever his mum comes to collect but not because he is miserable whilst he is with me.

I think they tend to play on their own at that age, my DS doesn't play with others at pre-school yet (he is 3), I think that comes later.

Good idea to chat with his key worker. Do they have mummy helpers at the pre-school Perhaps you could go along for the morning to help (spy!!).

thanks chocoholic - would the comments about other children making him upset bother you?

I'd be a bit concerned tbh. Not massively, as he wants to go back, but it is supposed to be fun, isn't it? How is he with other children usually, esp if it's a bit hectic?

Just saw that he only does one half day a week. Might take a while to get used to it as it's a long time between sessions?

My son has asd, btw. Do they have many children with special needs there?

My first thought was maybe there is too long between sessions so every session to him must feel like his first one iykwim? I only wanted my little boy when he was that age to do just 1 session as well (and it took me a long time to let go of him for that long so know how you feel) but his nursery would only take them for a minimum of 2 sessions because its just too upsetting for them to only go once a week.

My little boy is 4 now and does his 5 sessions a week but he did 2 a week until his 3rd birthday and after a few eventful weeks he settled down. He loves nursery now but still says he doesn't play with anyone (even though I know he does!) so just wanted you to know that just because they say that it isn't always true!

thanks for your replies. At the moment this is the only session available for him. There should be more by September but for now this is it. I know they have had a few children in the past with SN but I dont think any right at the moment.

Thing that DS does which bothers me, this is really just one example to show you his general personality. He gags a lot, on food etc. And he will ask us afterwards what happened. And mind you, when he gags, he will sometimes be a little sick, or turn red & get tears in his eyes. You know, normal, not nice gagging! Anyway, he can not stand for anything to be not nice. So he now goes on and on about how much he likes gagging and how great gagging is. You just cant trust him to look after himself in that respect. So it worries me as I know he would say he liked something, simply because he didnt like it. However it is a guessing game and I dont want to pull him out of school if he is benefiting from it!

Could you go in a help out for a session and try and observe him from a distance a bit to see how he is getting on?

Children with ASD don't like change in routine, so maybe when you turn up it is unnerving for him as he knows he will have to change environments and routine.

Equally, there may be small things at nursery that he doesn't like for his own reasons, not because they are something awful.

He sounds very verbally competent to be able to tell you that at 2.7.

he is very verbal! He can talk up a storm! His pronunciation isnt very clear but his vocabulary is very big.

I may go in and observe I think I just think I will not be very good at it. I mean that either he will cling to me simply because I am there, or I will be tempted to interfere when I should keep my nose out But I think I probably will just to get an answer.

I spoke to his key worker, she was lovely as always. she was very understanding about all of it. We went over a lot of his stuff. She said she hadnt noticed anything glaringly different from him & other children but its so early its too soon to tell. She did say he makes them repeat stuff a lot as well which is reassuring that he doesnt just do it with us! And she said he talks a lot to them (the adults) and a lot to himself (!) but not so much to the other children, but she said this is pretty normal for the age as well.

My DS (second child) has recently started playgroup 2 aftenoons a week. This week he has started crying when I collect him. I was quite upset at first as it was like he didn't want to come home , but I'm sure it isn't that- I just have no idea why.