Need retorts for "uber-cometitive" mum

[SammyK]

who is also quite strange and controlling.

DS and his classmates have all pretty much just turned four.

If this mum isn't commenting on how well her son wrote all of his thank you cards, she is commenting on what clothes kids are wearing, how someone didn't take up her offer of getting hold of homework sheets but asked the teacher instead, etc.

When speaking she has to have a hand on you, will often bring all the kids in the class (small class) sweets or chocolate and give them out to the kids, etc.

I am trying to plac some distance between her and me, as I have realised she has nothing nice to say about anyone, and I don't like that.

When she comments on things like writing etc, what should I say. Also clothing. help!

I dont think that is 'uber-competetive' she sounds a bit lonely but harmless your ds is only 4 trust me theres a lot worse to meet yet - if you want to distance yourself - just do it,be busy but pleasant .

I used to look them in the eye and say firmly and sincerely 'Marvellous! You must be so proud!'.

And for the clothes comments: 'I think they look absolutely sweet/lovely/so smart/so comfortable!' and change the subject.

At all times be pleasant in words and manner, yet unreadably enigmatic. This will discourage her as she will not quite 'get' you, IYSWIM.

Don't engage, just be neutral and friendly. Maybe even a bit self-deprecating and humorous sometimes?

Later on she may well be worth her weight on gold helping you out with school runs and emergencies - these mums tend to be like that in my experience. So it's probably sensible not to judge too fast.

This sounds like the start of it! You'll find characters like her all the way through their childhood and adolescence. Usually, as nickschick says, they are lonely, needy people. Try not to rise to it, and just try and avoid her as much as possible.

Of course the sensible thing is to smile vacantly, step away from her so she loses grip on you (that's very weirdy imo, the having a hand on you)and try to avoid the loon.

I, however, would reply as Dreyfus says, and would also feel compelled, were she making derogatory remarks, to ask how she would feel if someone said that about her kid.

She is the first Bettermum you will meet, but not the last. Or even the worst.

And homework sheets for pre-schoolers? wtf?

Make a couple of jokes about how silly it is when mummies get stupidly competitive?

Thanks, I don't think she is a vindictive character, just competitive and yes I think she is a bit insecure and bored.

The reason it has started to bother me is that her son is the same, and is coming out with these type of comments too, mainly aimed at my son.. (protective mummy emoton)

I'm sure she would help out if I needed her, but would rather not ask her. There is a mum she helps out, she knows all this mum's business and tells other mums about it.

I need to put on a thicker skin don't I?!

Boredom is a vice IMO, and it's a shame this mum's energies are being pointed in such a negative direction.

Try: "Sorry, can't chat, have got to get to Farm Foods and stock up on smiley face pizza and fruit shoots before my old man gets parole tomorrow."

She'll no doubt decide you're not quite her type, and not paw at you again.

missblythe - she was telling me the other day that her son had coca cola with his breakfast, don't think she is food police type, also as I said she is regularly buying all the kids sweets and chocolates! Think academic acheivement and clothing are her fortes.

the pawing is non-discriminate from what I have seen, she seems to have a very controlling manner.

Mmm, Coke for breakfast. She's hardly Alpha Mummy, then.

In which case, replace FarmFoods with Primark, and 'smiley face pizza and fruit shoots' with 'highly flammable polyester nightwear'.

Or maybe Ann Summers and sex toys.

Yes, hold an Ann Summers party and invite her!!

She sounds a bit of a loon. Could you just do lots of 'Can't talk - gotta dash!' when you see her?

Suggest she joins the PTA.