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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

is fuul time day care going to damage my children

16 replies

msdevine · 27/10/2008 00:23

Hi i am going through a tough decision right now. My children are in a private nursery, my DP at work me at uni, they have been in nursery over a yr now aged 1 and 3. I had to move them to start at a new place in september because i really wasnt happy with the school. Now they are in a montessori school my DD excells there and my DS loves playing of course but i have started wanting to deffer for a year, they have to go 10hrs a day and i feel awful, i fell like i am missing out on too much. At the same time i dont want to delay my education any further.
My DD has been given a nursery place at the school she will attend nxt year for a half day place it tempts me to deffer and take her there and make the most of all the time i can give them both if I am not studying. I am at a loss dont know what to do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ilove · 27/10/2008 00:28

They are only little once...

S1ur · 27/10/2008 00:31

They will manage, and thrive and it will be okay. just about! But of course you'll feel guilty and it will be hard. But no, it won't damage them irrevocably.

Obv in a perfect world, you could both train flexibly and your dp could work p-t and you could alternate childcare between you, him, and the sociable, professional nursery. But in the meantime, while we're waiting for that to happen......

Nursery will be fine.

If you want to defer to spend time with dc that is okay though. I have spread various qualifications and career choices over a much longer time than if I hadn't had dcs, and that is OK! Work out your priorities, but don't let guilt be a deciding factor

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 27/10/2008 00:32

It is hard, I know this because I have been there. I put ds in a nursery from the age of 2 so I could work and I have regrets, big ones, however I would not have been able to support him the way I wanted to if I had been at home with him. Sometimes you just have to try things. If they don't work then you just rethink. No one can tell you what to do, they are your children. Could you study part time rather than full time?

lisad123 · 27/10/2008 00:33

10 hours a day sounds like a lot, why do they HAVE to?? If you can spend more time with them then do. I work too, andit is hard but you do miss a lot, and its a lot of stress.

Original poster

msdevine · 27/10/2008 00:42

I cant put them in for any less hours or i would. Part time would take so long to complete that i would be as well taking them out and deffering. I am worried that if i deffer i will never get back into it mentally. And then i worry if i do decide to deffer and take them out of nursery will this just be another dissruption of their routine and will that have a negative effect??

OP posts:

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 27/10/2008 00:46

I would go part time so you can do both. It might take longer but you should be able to increase the hours if you wish or spend time with your children. I'm studying (again), my course is full time but only 3 days a week. I study when ds is in bed so life's nice for him. I still get to go to school stuff and he's happy now. Try things, if they don't work out just have a rethink. Nothing's set in stone.

S1ur · 27/10/2008 00:46

nah. if you want to defer, do so. It is doable to both parent mindset and then swtich to work mind for a few days e.g.

Disruption of routine is not a problem in my experience. children are very adaptable.

First, decide your ideal.

Then work out how you can get closest compromise.

lisad123 · 27/10/2008 00:47

sorry im confused (dont take much) what is it they need to complete??

Original poster

msdevine · 27/10/2008 00:52

university degree

OP posts:

Original poster

msdevine · 27/10/2008 00:57

I dont know why this is proving such a hard decision for me. they are increadibly loved secure children, i dont think they have a problem with nursery as every moment they have with us is full of love. I think its just me feeling guilty is the prob. I mean i could stay home but delay my career and carry on struggling financially for a whole lot longer. Then that could be a huge stress on us all. Or i could carry on and get my carrer as planned and feel guilty i missed out on so many wonderful days with them.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 27/10/2008 00:57

sorry it late, brain is mush. I would defer or do part time. They are only babies once, and when they start school you'll be able to do more. Its terrible that nursery will only take for 10hours.
Good luck, love the name by the way. That was mine in RL before I married

Original poster

msdevine · 27/10/2008 01:02

no They have to be in for so long because of my timetable not because of the nursery

OP posts:

lisad123 · 27/10/2008 01:03

oh i see, im just going to stop typing now as clearly too tired to read properly

PhantomOfTheChocolateCakeAvena · 27/10/2008 01:03

Your timetable sounds harsh. Do they not offer the course via distance learning?

CarminaBanana · 27/10/2008 02:01

I agree that 10 hours a day in nursery at age 1 and 3 is a long time.
If going part time or deferring is an option, I think you should jump at the chance.
Can your DP reduce his hours so he can spend more time with the DCs too?

tonner · 10/11/2008 17:44

As the main fmaily breadwinner, my dd1 went to nursery 10 hours a day 5 days a week from 1. She thrived and is a very happy 8 year old with whom I have a wonderful relationship.

DD2 (aged 2) has only been going 3 days a week since she was 1 because dh isn't working at the moment. I think she's missing out to be honest (on nursery that is!). But i dare say everyone will think I am barking.

I'm very pro fab childcare in addtion to a loving child-centred family. We manage both.

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