Will sending my clingy 2.6 year old to pre-school cure him of his clinginess or make him worse?

[GordonTheGopher]

Have asked this on another thread but didn't get any answers.

DS is 2.5 and at the end of November is supposed to be starting pre-school two mornings a week.

He is very clingy - doesn't seem to enjoy toddler groups that much, and cries even when he's left with dh.

Do I need to be cruel to be kind and send him to pre-school in the hope that he is cured of his clinginess or should I hold off - he won't get the free places til next September so I guess there's no rush?

I would say theres no rush, i put dd1 in nursery when she was 2.8, she did'nt like it so i took her out and put her back in the term after her 3rd birthday.

That's what I'm thinking, but it is very intense having him at home all day (just me and him) and I think it would give us both a break.

Would save money by not sending him tho!

I think it will make him worse. Obviously I don't know your child, but instinctively, if he is that clingy, he isn't going to like preschool.
Could you start to wean him on to the idea of leaving him with someone by having a childminder to come and play with him for an hour a week (to start with), you stay in, then gradually try to leave the house for 10 mins etc etc, upping the times until he's confident you'll come back. Sorry, probably sounds far too much like hard work, but might work??
DD2 can be a little clingy, and I'm terrified that I'll make her worse by rushing her in to independence iykwim, so am probably going to be doing the above with her.

My friend started sending her DS to nursery when he was about 2 to try and biuld his confidence and it has been brilliant for him. However, I don't know if he was clingy as you describe (ie crying etc) as I only saw her DS with her (his mum). He was very unconfident however and didn't really speak in front of anyone or go off and play at toddler group. He's much more confident now. although still a little wary of getting stuck in when we first see them.

Maybe you can try it and see.

I do leave him with my friend once a week or so for a few hours, and he's absolutely fine with her, but he's known her most of his life. He's pretty much the only adult he talks to apart from me and dh. He doesn't talk to strangers at all.

Oh I don't know - might see if I can take him for a trial session without having to pay for the whole term.

just try it and see.

I had the same experience as Marne - but I don't regret trying!

Dd has always been a cling-on queen who refuses to leave my side at toddler groups. I decided to let her try pre-school and she loves it. She still stays with me at toddler groups but practically shoves me out of the door when pre-school starts.

You can only try - and prepare for the worst case scenario.

Ds wouldn't leave my side, hated toddler group etc etc. But was fine at 3½ in nursery class. (probably not want you want to hear but you can't force it imo)

There is a school of thought that if you let them cling then they get over it quickly and that trying to make them less clingy by forcing seperation means it takes longer.

If you subscribe to this school of thought, then the answer would be no, don't send him.

I think it would do him good. My ds loves pre school and has come on leaps and bounds. I was dubious about sending him but wanted to prepare him for big school as he is going at just 4 (aug birthday).
My friends son hated nursery and instead of taking him out she was advised to send him more often - it worked and he was happy in 2 weeks before that he was very clingy.

Oh gosh I don't know. PFB syndrome admittedly. I think I'll hold off til after Christmas and see how he is then. I just can't bear the thought of leaving him bawling his eyes out!

If you can't bear to leave him crying then I'd say don't! It really isn't necessary at age 2 1/2. I never would, and I agree with what mawbroon said about making them less clingy and more confident in the long run if they are allowed to separate in their own time. It is, after all, absolutely natural for young children to want to be with people they know best, it's a survival instinct. In some children it seems to be stronger, and last for longer, but it's still natural and doesn't need to be 'cured'.

What Jollydo and Mawbroon said.

And if you want to bolster your confidence in your instinct that your child's attachment to you is natural and to be eased gently rather than fast, then read "Why Love MAtters" by someone whose name my pregnancy brain has forgotten.

Why Love Matters by Sue Gerhardt.

I agree with Jollydo, Mawbroon and Onwardandupwards.