Should I say something to our nursery leader?

[Squirdle]

DS3 goes to a lovely nursery/preschool in a tiny village near ours. Everyone, staff, parents, children are lovely.

However, a little boy has recently started and while his mum is very friendly and seems very nice, she does something that I think she needs to stop.

She walks her little boy to nursery with her other child who is around 2. They have to cross a main road (national speed limit) to get to the lane that nursery is in. Yesterday she allowed her son to cross the road on a ride on toy while she stayed on the other side chatting. Today she was in the nursery garden talking while her son was on his ride on halfway up the lane, just sat there. She couldn't see him. I had to tell him to wait until the cars had passed and then go quickly to the nursery gate. This happens pretty much every day.

The parents who drive are careful and do drive slowly, but small children can be quite unpredictable and a few people have said to me that it's only a matter of time before something happens.

So I thought maybe a discreet word with the nursery leader might be a good idea. I don't want to cause any trouble and certainly don't want to tell anyone how to look after their children, but it does seem like the rest of us are more concerned about this little ones safety than his mum. I'm sure she is a fab mum, but this seems daft.

What do you think?

I think you should either say something to her or keep quiet.

The nursery has nothing to do with what she does outside of it and is in no position to say anything.

speak to her not the nursery

I think yes possibly a word to the nursery leader.

People do have different ideas about parenting an the amount of care their children needs but it sounds as if she iss putting her child in a dangerous situation. Not worth telling her yourself, you may have a long association with her if your children are the same age in the same area and you don't want to fall out if she feels you're poking your nose in.

Apart from the boy's safety it's also worth thinking about the driver of the vehicle which potentially hits him. It could cause an accident in which car-occupiers are injured and in any case couls pyschologically scar the driver for life when it wasn't his/her fault.

Hmm, I'm not sure she is the approachable type when it concerns something like this.

It's a very small nursery and I am sure the leader would be very discreet when she deals with it. Surely it wouldn't reflect very well on the nursery if a child was knocked over outside?

theinsider, that is exactly what my freind was saying today. None of us want to be in the position where we could hurt this little boy. And you are exactly right, I don't want to speak to her as our boys are at nursery together for another yr and it would be a huge shame if there was any bad feeling at the nursery at all.

It is risky, but differenct parents have different perceptions of risk so I think youhave to let her make those judgements themselves.

Personally I would think you wre being a busy body if you told me how much freedom to allow my children.

Also some children are more naturally danger aware, she may have seen her child take care around roads, perhaps more so as the responsibility is given to him rather than taken by the parent.

How old is the boy on the ride on? 2 or is it the older one.

I let my 4 yr old cross roads on her own but never my 2 year old, she has no road sense at all.

Try speaking to the leader and see what she says. She may say quite clearly it's none of their business or that it has already been noted. Or even that the nursery is planning a session on road safety!

Especially if you say she's not very approachable I wouldn't talk to the mum herself. She's bound to be very defensive and feel as if her parenting is being criticised (which, lets be honest, it is ) and it may lead to a barney. I would say that you will be being a slight sticky-beak (sorry)but that the end justifies the means.

I know we all have different ways of parenting and maybe hers is a lot more relaxed than mine, which is fine.

The other thing is that she is now, without actually realising it alienating herself as a few parents have said they can't be bothered to talk to her as she clearly thinks everyone else should look out for her child. I do talk to her and don't feel the same way as some others, but she does need to do something.

I am not sure you can really say anything
It's nothing to do with nursery
Even if you spoke to mum it would sound like you were questioning her.
Can you not make a point of saying something loudly to him to be careful if he is near the road so she can hear ?

OMG Flum you let your 4 yr old cross the road by herself?

I don't let my 10 year old do that.

A quiet word to the nursery teacher can't do any harm.

Also perhaps she has moved from a community where the other parents around do watch out for all the kids not just their own so she would assume that all adults would help.

When I go to a play group in London with a friend of mine I am always staggered that when a child falls or cries everyone looks around for the Mum rather than helping the child themselves. I live in a smaller town and that does not happen here.

Flum, he has just turned 3. And the road she is allowing him to cross is a 60 mph road with bends at either side. If his little ride on tipped over and a car came around the corner he'd have no chance!

I don't want to be a sticky beak at all, but I am concerned with this little boys safety. Like you say, she knows her child, but from what I have seen he doesn't really have any road sense. I don't really want to speak to the mum as I don't want her feling like I am criticising her parenting and I do feel that she would take it far better from the nursery leader.

It could be that the nursery leader just puts something in the next newsletter reminding parents to watch the children on the road. They do often say to the children that they must be careful outside on the lane.

I would say something to the mum. Perhaps mention that MY child nearly had an accident there or something. You can say it in a nice way I think.

She has lived there for a while, I am sure of that.

I could never look on if a child needed help. I lived in London too where it wasn't common practice to help a child in need, but I did anyway. Some people sadly get a bit funny about it. I helped a little girl find her mum in town the other day. Poor little thing was crying her eyes out and people were just walking past her! Looking at her but not doing anything. Mad! I didn't touch her, but I asked her if she was lost and what her mum looked like and we found her.

I think I might just give the nursery leader a quick call later. She may not be able to do anything, but at least she will be aware of it.

Good plan Squirdle IMO.