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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

2 incidents at primary school nursery in 3 weeks, feel sad. Should I be worried or do I need to grow up?

7 replies

chocolateanddietcoke · 26/02/2026 18:00

My son (3) is a small child, he recently joined the schools pre school from a nursery setting.

although he seems happy and adjusted twice in 3 weeks he has told me of incidents he’s been upset about. The first was a hitting, appreciate things like this happen.

today he came home in different trousers, when I asked what happened he said an older boy pushed him into a puddle. When my friend asked her daughter also at school she confirmed.

im just gutted, he’s a small child, quieter but a lovely boy who wouldn’t do this and it’s quite alien to him to be on the receiving end. Is this just school life?

Always concerned he could be the target for bully’s due to his size and nature

OP posts:
Snowdrop219 · 26/02/2026 18:04

I’m a teacher in a large primary with a nursery. Although it’s not nice I wouldn’t worry too much about this. Children at that age rarely ‘target’ each other. He probably got pushed because the other child was rushing to somewhere else. Dealing with so many small people in one setting, who are all learning boundaries, is very tricky!! Unfortunately children are coming into nurseries at such a low level now (not saying your child is) but they can’t toilet themselves, don’t know how to share, have speech and language issues etc etc! There’s one certainty and that’s your son will learn some resilience as he goes up through school!

chocolateanddietcoke · 26/02/2026 18:15

Snowdrop219 · 26/02/2026 18:04

I’m a teacher in a large primary with a nursery. Although it’s not nice I wouldn’t worry too much about this. Children at that age rarely ‘target’ each other. He probably got pushed because the other child was rushing to somewhere else. Dealing with so many small people in one setting, who are all learning boundaries, is very tricky!! Unfortunately children are coming into nurseries at such a low level now (not saying your child is) but they can’t toilet themselves, don’t know how to share, have speech and language issues etc etc! There’s one certainty and that’s your son will learn some resilience as he goes up through school!

Thank you. He came from a nursery setting where we never really had these issues.

He’s a bright boy (no genius but great speech, toilet trained at 2 etc) so I’m hoping he build resilience but feels so sad that it’s happened and knocked his confidence.

OP posts:
PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 26/02/2026 19:13

I'm so sorry @chocolateanddietcoke that that has happened to your gorgeous sounding little one. I am not a modern mum with experience of such things with nursery age children, although I do have my own grandchildren that go to a nursery school. However, I have read here on Mumsnet, and heard about this type of thing on other occassions.

What strikes me as completely out of order is that the first you have heard about both occassions is from your Dear Son telling you? Is that really correct? At least one member of staff must have been aware of the latest incident as they changed his wet trousers. If they haven't noted it down in an incident and accident book then I would be very worried about the honesty of the staff there.

If your DS was very upset about being pushed over into the puddle, then my opinion is that the staff should have rung you up as soon as they realised he wasn't being consoled and calming down. By that I don't mean that you should be expected to drop everything and go and pick him up, especially if you are at work, or somewhere else where it would have been difficult to leave immediately. But, in the circumstances where my child, or even now, my Grandchild, was practically inconsolable, I would want the choice, and I would want the chance to speak with the member of staff who was going to give my child some one to one time while they calmed down.

At the very least OP, you, or whoever picked your child up from the nursery, should have been told about the horrible incident, and had all the circumstances explained to them. If the push, and subsequent fall into the puddle, wasn't witnessed by any of the staff, I would want to know why not! Our children, and our grandchildren, and indeed any and all of the little ones there, from the 'village', should be being observed, especially when outside, even if the outside area is considered escape proof, and entering into the outside space from outside of the nursery, proof, as well.

I would be calm and light with my child if they had been through such an experience, as I would want them to not feel even worse about what had happened, but I would have hugged them - as I am sure you did - and reassured them that they were right to tell you, and to always tell a member of staff as soon as possible after any such incident. I would probably tell my beloved little one (or even big one) that I was proud of them as well - but then it is possible that in still telling my adult children about twice a year, and my grandchildren more often than that, how proud I am of them, that I might over do it a bit!

When my child was happily getting on with having fun, or had gone to bed, I would give into the fury I would be feeling towards the nursery staff for not telling me themselves about the what had happened - especially as it had meant them having to change his trousers on this occassion. My upset wouldn't be per se about my child being hit or pushed, it would be because they hadn't informed me about it, and also if they hadn't even seen it happen.

When I started this you hadn't had any other replys, by now you have hopefully had a lot. Good luck 💐

Lighterandbrighter · 26/02/2026 19:16

While hard to hear, two incidents in three weeks doesn't seem excessive given the age of the children involved and with the push almost certainly not being intended to knock him over into the puddle. The hitting probably was on purpose, but due to their natural lack of social skills at this age. I hope he's ok and it doesn't knock his confidence too much.

Redcloaktraitor · 26/02/2026 19:27

I wouldn’t believe too much that a 3 year old says as being entirely accurate, tbh.
Unless he’s actually coming home hurt, kids seem to get into all sorts at that age. Hitting does happen, of course, but it could easily be as part of a game where others are involved, they aren’t very coordinated, it’s not necessarily something that would be reported.
Similarly with landing in a puddle. Kids running around, one bumps into another, no malice, one falls and gets wet. If there was no injury and they just needed a change, there’s nothing to report.
If you’re concerned then by all means ask the staff but don’t be surprised if they don’t really know. School based preschools operate on a different staff to child ratio so they may not have been aware either.
You can keep your own notes and if it seems like there’s a pattern emerging, it will give you something to show them. Two incidents like this could be something or nothing though.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/02/2026 19:38

As a teacher I have witnessed nursery children just tripping over then blaming the nearest child to them. I'm not saying this is necessarily the case here but it definitely happens.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 05/03/2026 23:09

They should be communicating with you if they changed trousers, you know they knew something happened.

I also think it's not a big deal, kids push and jostle each other. They trip and fall and often go to grab something at the same time and bump.

I think you should talk to them though.

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