Shy toddler, should we push back preschool start?

[brickbybrickbybrick]

Our LB (only child) is coming up 2 in April. We are fortunate to run our own business and opted to keep him at home for his early years with the view to place him in the local preschool come the September after he turns 2. Said (state) school insists on M-F attendance and the plan is to just use the morning sessions for the first year.

He goes to some form of stay and play/class/playdate daily so plenty of exposure to other kids. Fully aware that they largely just parallel play at this age but especially of late he seems absolutely terrified of other kids irrespective of how well he knows them. This has evolved into him hiding behind our legs and hitting anyone who comes remotely close to him which is I'm sure par for the course at this age but stressful nevertheless for both him and me!

Generally he's a really happy little guy, very confident with adults, chatty and loves getting stuck into various circle time songsongs etc etc. I'm worried that September is going to come around too soon for him and it's going to cause more harm than good. I'm now starting to contemplate pushing back his entry until January so he's that little bit older. I've of course had all sorts of comments that he's shy because he's not been socialised at nursery which is a little hurtful. Just wanted some thoughts ..is there anything I can do to make this easier for him or is it really just a matter of time? Did anyone else have a similar situation and did you push entry back or just crack on and take a view when they were in? Thanks so much!

Everything is a phase at that age. My son at age 2 started to scream “NO!” at anyone that spoke to him which was fun for a while. Don’t worry, he’ll grow out of it.

Both of mine did full time at preschool when they turned 2 and it worked really well. Obviously every child is different and 2 is still so young. There won’t be any issues in delaying him if you want.

Anecdotally, my kids settled much faster at preschool due to being there mon-fri than the other kids doing just a couple of days. You might be surprised at how quickly he adapts.

September is still a long way off, especially given how young he is so things might change. Sometimes preschool is easier than stay and plays, as it is the same children every day.

I do agree though that he may still find it hard in Sept. I also disagree with the suggestion your friends have made that you are somehow at fault for not sending him yet. Our DC started nursery at 3.5 years. DS was quite a home body and we didn't do loads of stay and plays either. They both are doing great now and settled easily at the time.

In some ways, 2 is a tricky age. Nearer to 3 can be easier to explain, have a better understanding of the routine etc, so there may be some benefit to delaying his start. Would that make your work situation hard though? When do you need to decide by? Can you talk to the preschool about how they would support?

Try not to worry, shyness is normal at this age and chances are he will grow out of it. If he doesn't, he will also get by. Maybe he won't develop relationships for a while in preschool but just enjoy the toys and playing alone. This in itself will be enough as he will learn routine, self care skills and how to behave in a group, like taking turns etc. If it suits you in terms of routine and cost etc I'd let him go, if you feel it would be as easy to keep him home then keep him, but do what suits the family as a whole.

My son painfully shy too. To the point of selective mutism. Really happy we put him in, it’s been difficult for him and he’s definitely been uncomfortable at times but I kind of see it as exposure therapy and it is working.

His father was exactly the same, but he went in straight without nursery into reception. He cried every day and was picked up early to come home most days until secondary school!

So they aren’t the same people exactly, it’s not a direct comparison. But delaying it I don’t think necessarily solves the problem. And I do feel confident we are going in the right direction in leaps and bounds so happy with our choice.

You may find he thrives, especially with the consistency of M-F and just morning sessions. My son was very similar, he hated the noise of other children after spending a lot of time at home with just adults during Covid. He adapted quickly, I’m not going to lie, he didn’t like it at first but the staff were extremely supportive of him. It was the best thing we could have done for him. I think M-F helped it just become part of the rhythm of life rather than being in and out. If the staff are nurturing, I’d go for it.

Not unreasonable to delay if that's what you want to do...they are still so young! Funded pre-school here doesn't start until the week after they turn 3 which for us is in November. I plan to build up to full mornings gradually and probably won't put him in the full day until the second pre-school year.
Just on the hitting thing - I know you haven't asked for advice on that so feel free to ignore if not needed but when my DS was going through that phase, I read about them not knowing what to do with their hands and its almost like a panic reflex. I explained to him when there was no other kids around that I wouldn't let him hit anyone and if he was unsure what to do with his hands then put them on his tummy. If he wanted to say hello to the other kid he could give them a wave or maybe a high 5 but no hitting. Then reminded him on the way in to toddler group (like walking in the door) that if one of the other boys and girls came over he should keep his hands on his tummy or give them a wave...genuinely worked like a charm!! Touch wood he hasn't hit another kid since!
We're on to the learning to share stage now 🙄

Oh wow thanks for all of your responses! So very reassuring. We have actually had our decision made for us as the original preschool rescinded the M-F offering, saying they can either offer half weeks (as in two full days and a morning) or full time. We didn't think this would be a good match and have now opted for another local preschool which will offer the M-F mornings we want (totally agree re routine and familiarity) but not until the term after as they only take from the term before turning 3. We have also started doing stay and plays at various preschools which he has really enjoyed albeit keeping a wary eye on the other kids! Hitting has calmed down slightly but I love the tummy trick and will be stealing that, thank you so much. As for juggling with work ..it is what it is ..we are happy to make it work and what is another three months in the grand scale of things

My dd would have really struggled at 2. She started being more social around 3 and started nursery at 3.5 and is blossoming, will talk to literally anyone now. 2 is so young, do what feels right for you.