Shy/selective mutism?

[LAM1407]

My little girl is 3 and has been attending nursery since Feb, term time only.
Since starting she very very rarely speaks, in fact shes not said a word while there since around June. She loves going, is a chatterbox at home, loves the staff and getting cuddles from them, has lots of friends, gets stuck in with all the activities they do, plays with the other children really well, eats well, no toilet accidents etc etc. She is a bit shy with acquaintances but always makes eye contact and smiles at them, just let's big sister take the lead in the chatterbox, but at home shes probably the more outgoing one.
Would you be concerned? Any ideas on how to get her to open up? We have asked for referral to speech and language.

That's brilliant you are being referred to SALT. Do your nursery have any ideas to help? There are specific courses that the staff can attend that are on selective mutism. Is she 3 and turning 4 before September or will she be starting school in 2027?

Yes she's turning 4 at the end of July. They have done some research online and spoken to the specialist teacher there, and have put a fee things in place. Took any pressure off, not talking about talking infront of her, made a chart where she can point to what she needs etc. It's the first time they have had this though (small nursery)

I used to work in early years in a small setting and also only came across it a couple of times. Nursery sound like they're being proactive but also learning as they go. Have you spoken to your health visitor?

My son had SM for the first few years of nursery and school.
They gave him about a year before they decided it was something more than shyness.
You will find lots of info on a website called SMIRA and there is a facebook group called parents of children with selective mutism which is also good.
Most of what can be done to help are things you and the school can implement yourselves.
Sliding in worked great for us. Go on all the school trips if you can, go and spend some time in class if you can, they feel more comfortable talking with a familiar person around we found.
One thing i found is that i had to keep making sure new teachers/supply teachers/dinner supervisors etc were informed as they werent always told and it is important they know what not to do.
The fact she seems happy and comfortable at nursery is a good sign.
Good luck!

I've worked with two children with situational/selective mutism who were around the same age as your child is now. Chatty at home ("gobby" was the word one girl's Dad used!) but silent in the setting.

One child had a challenging time and was silent for almost two years with us, up to about the April before he went to school - but he did end his time with us speaking freely. We first saw that he enjoyed games with animal noises. The first noise I ever heard him make was a pig snort. After that, encouraging him to bring his favourite books from home to share with adults was very helpful. I'd take him to a quiet area away from other children to look through the book and that was when I first heard him whisper words. Once he was whispering in quiet situations he soon moved on to speaking in quiet situations, and from there to speaking while around other people. This took months, in no way was this a quick process. His parent visited recently and while he hasn't totally overcome his challenges, he is doing well at school three years on.

It isn't a choice as "selective" can imply - the child truly cannot speak at that moment. It takes a lot of time and an empathetic and supportive early years team and key person. It sounds like the setting are doing the right thing in taking the pressure off and not trying to make her speak - hopefully that will be helpful. When she starts school in September they will be able to put similar measures in place especially as preschool are recording it. And the fact that she's comfortable and confident at preschool is a good sign.

My daughter has situational mutism - it was more pronounced when she was younger but it’s still a challenge now at 13. She’s almost certainly autistic as well but that’s not a given - she has other things going on as well as the mutism. it sounds like you’re being super proactive and your nursery is keep to help so that’s brilliant. Honestly not sure what to say as we are still in it but I guess I wanted to post in empathy as so many people just don’t understand what it’s like.

Was it the Special Educational Needs Co-Ordinator? Each area will have one that supports early years settings. The Nursery does seem proactive but if they haven’t spoken to their Special Educational Needs Co-ordinatrices yet could you suggest that they ask them if they have anymore tips?

There are certainly local authority SENCOs, but each early years setting has their own designated SENCO who is trained for the role.

Hopefully the SALT can help although in my experience it’s usually an anxiety reaction and typically autism.

Lots of experience here!
First child was a late talker in general and often chose not to talk as he was aware he sounded much younger. He was diagnosed autistic at age 8. Still struggles to speak to new people.
Second child was an early talker and leaps and bounds ahead compared to my first but would not speak to or look at anyone outside our immediate family for the longest time. He was 9 months when COVID hit. He found nursery tricky across the 2 setting he attended and only really settled the summer before leaving. He had an IEP and SALT. His reception teacher rang me one day asking about it as she thought it was for the wrong child. He never stopped talking!
He is super comfy at school and much more chatty and social than my first. However he still isn't a fan of speaking to people in shops, hairdresser etc
I now have 2 children who refuse to talk in public.
I'm a sendco and now I'm rather chill about it all. I wasn't when they were younger!
I would say just play it by ear. If she is happy and settled at nursery and showing you she can communicate well at home I'd just let it play out. Get the SALT referral and keep liaising with nursery.
I my setting we use an app called TD Snap which is free for schools. It's an AAC that might relieve some of the anxiety around talking but allowing her to communicate