What should I have done - toddler tantrum at the park

[sobermum23]

Would just love some other perspectives on a tantrum my toddler had today and whether I should have / could have done something differently. Will try to keep short!

Picked DS (2.5) up from pre school (lunchtime) He’s normally a bit disregulated so we go to the play park across the road for a play/ have a sandwich then drive home when he normally fall asleep. Sometimes have tantrums leaving the park/ getting in the car but nothing OTT

Today did the same, but as one of the local schools is trialling a 2 week half term, there were some older kids in the park. All good. 2 boys (6/7?) came in and were doing some cartwheels and handstands and DS ran over to join in. Tried to move him somewhere else but the gran with them said he was fine, so I tried to manage him (get it out the way/ wait for his turn etc) but after like 10 mins could tell the boys were getting a bit fed up, which I understand. So tried to distract DS with swings/ other parts of park. Not happening. Throws himself to floor screaming. Decide time to get out, so end up carrying him kicking and screaming, whilst pushing 8m DD to the car park. Then takes 20 mins to get him buckled into his seat. Not always screaming, tried to stay calm but took a long time. Very stressful. Busy car park. Felt like everyone was watching me.

Could I have done anything differently? Are kids fair game to play with at the park? It’s in a recreational ground so they could have done it there (outside fenced play park) but they shouldn’t have to. But my 2yr doesn’t understand and so I felt we had to leave? Is this just toddlers? It just feels so extreme! All suggestions welcome!

No, you did the right thing by leaving. If he wasn't going to move away or be distracted then it definitely isn't fair to expect the older boys to have to stop their use of the park instead.
The only thing I would have done differently is not let getting in the car take twenty mins, especially when you have another child with you. I'd commiserate with them (It's really hard going home when you don't want to, I wish we could stay all day too!) but I'd have bundled him in and got going, especially as a big part is likely related to tiredness and he just needs to pass out.

I think it is a toddler thing but also a behaviour thing. An alternative would be giving options but that really depends on your child’s understanding and also on their mood/tiredness because if they are shattered and overstimulated then any communication of options will fall on deaf ears, e.g. we can stay in the park and play with X, or we can go home, but you can’t play here/with these people, what shall we do? As I say though if he’s already getting to the point of overtiredness then this isn’t going to be effective and you just have to remove him from the situation.

One of those days. Nothing you could have done! ❤️

Thank you all - feeling better already. I am normally a master bundler but he’s worked out how to take his arms out the seat belt so I’m held hostage if he won’t put them in! Not sure how to overcome that one….
I do also try the options thing but usually met with a straight ‘no’ but hey ho. It’s just reassuring to know it’s not just me! Thank you

Nah you did the right thing.

If it makes you feel better I had to cart my 2 yr old out the school gates by one arm at pickup the other day while pushing the 5week old and trying to keep eyes on DD. I was definitely being looked at but the alternative was sit down in the middle of the pathway and ride it out while being in everyone's way.

2yr olds are assholes at times

It sounds as though you did everything right - the older children put up with him for ten minutes but absolutely aren't obligated to play with a two year old they don't know, and you responded appropriately. Sometimes two year olds have tantrums even though nobody except them is being unreasonable - it's a normal developmental phase (first individuation I think 🙃) and you handled it in a normal way ☕.

Nope - ypu did everything right. The joys of parenting a toddler! Hang on in there, you're doing a great job 😊

If he's getting his arms out it may be that the headrest is too low - try moving it up so that the straps coming out the back of the seat are level with or fractionally below his shoulders if he's rear facing, or level with if forward facing. Otherwise they can sort of shrug them off!

Sounds very familiar! Carrying DS home from the park rugby ball style so I could carry his trike thing in the other hand was one hellish afternoon. You did the right thing. Sometimes they’re just awful. Tomorrow is a new day. Oh but you could try prefacing changes with a ten minutes heads up, although that may not have helped in this situation. I did this a lot and it paid dividends, also had a big egg timer so he could see I wasn’t being arbitrary. He would then believe me when not at home and they get a sense for that much time passing.

no, all sounds so familiar, you did the right thing
did you give warning?
count down
bribery

You did the right thing, they’re called the terrible twos for a reason, toddlers just can’t be reasoned with sometimes and you just have to remove them from the situation. I know it feels like people are looking but honestly any parent will be sympathising with you because everyone has had a moment like that with a toddler.

Toddlers are assholes, you didn't lose your temper with him so you did the right thing 🤷🏻‍♀️ some tantrums are easier than others and some days he will react to distractions he usually ignores during a strop 🤣 he will grow out of it soon enough as long as you're firm (hopefully)

Ha, typical toddler behaviour! You did 100% right thing. Anyone who has had a toddler will completely understand. Anyone who is judging you, has never had a toddler! Toddlers are like little intoxicated people, no sense of danger, no understanding of time, often incoherent, impossible to reason with, and completely hell bent on breaking the sound barrier!
Hang in there OP, the less you give in to tantrums the quicker they realise ‘what mum (or dad) says goes’. And eventually they work out tantruming is far too exhausting and give up. (I had one who learned very quickly, and one who took much longer to grasp, if mum says jump, the correct answer is how high, not more screaming until you vomit!). Just as they turned school age, they were totally awesome, primary school had a temporary toddler effect on them, now teens and back to being totally awesome.

My son has these moments. The only other thing to try is bribery eg come to the car to have your snack, but that doesn’t always work

Thank you all so much for your kind words and really helpful advice! Really appreciate it. My husband and friends have all said the same but there is something about hearing it from a group of strangers who don’t know me that feels extra validating! Thank you