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Should I take my 3 year old out of nursery?

5 replies

sammylou2017 · 05/05/2025 09:08

I don't know whether to take my almost 4 year old out of nursery. She says she doesn't like it and once said she was scared, but when she's there her keyworker says she settles fine and has slowly started interacting with others. She says she wants to go to playgroups where I stay with her. She doesn't cry but she is older and I know she tries to be brave so I'm going off her reluctance to go and what she tells me. She's only been going for 4 months but thought she would be enjoying it by now. I want her to be thriving, not struggling and overwhelmed. The nursery is quite busy and she told me it's too loud. I think she struggles with initiating interactions and does much better when there are less children. The staff present isn't always consistent either. She joined the nursery half way through the year so the other children are much more confident there.

She may start school in September but as a summer born there is the option to defer her. She has expressed wanting friends but as we recently moved house she had to start again with making friends. We could make friends at playgroups. We just started tumble tots and she thrived and loved it and wants to go back.

Just not sure whether to keep sending her, my partner thinks if we stop sending her she'll be worse when she goes to school, on another forum parents have said the opposite, that taking a child out in a similar situation will benefit her more as she'll have had her feelings validated and be more confident and secure and ready when the time comes to go. Does anybody have any experiences with this?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
user2848502016 · 05/05/2025 09:18

If you don’t need it as childcare take her out, every setting doesn’t work for every child. It doesn’t mean she won’t settle at school.
Find some playgroups or activities she can do where you stay with her so she still gets to meet other children but in a less stressful setting for her.

sammylou2017 · 05/05/2025 09:30

user2848502016 · 05/05/2025 09:18

If you don’t need it as childcare take her out, every setting doesn’t work for every child. It doesn’t mean she won’t settle at school.
Find some playgroups or activities she can do where you stay with her so she still gets to meet other children but in a less stressful setting for her.

thank you for your response 😊 I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 05/05/2025 09:41

I absolutely agree with @user2848502016. Why send your daughter to nursery if it’s not essential for childcare? I don’t agree at all that she will necessarily be more confident and secure when she starts school if she’s been forced to go to nursery when she doesn’t want to. You’ve got plenty of time to explain to her that school is compulsory and to prepare her for it, and in the meantime you can take her to playgroups and other activities where she can make friends. She can learn far more from being at home with you than she can learn at any nursery, and she will be happy while she’s doing it. My daughter was an only child and I was older than almost all my friends when I had her, so I didn’t have a ready made group of friends with young children. I took her to Tumbletots, an occasional playgroup, and activities at the library, but other than that, she was with me constantly until the last term before she started school. I sent her to a nursery for two afternoons a week just for the summer term just to get her used to being away from me and following routines. She hated it, but was old enough to understand why she was going by then. I did my best to prepare her for starting school, and she went in happily the first day and settled immediately.

sammylou2017 · 05/05/2025 10:22

Thank you, I appreciate your response. My daughter could be going to school in September so that's my dilemma, should I keep sending her since she may be starting school in a few months anyway. Was your daughter summer born? I'm wondering whether my daughter is just that bit younger and maybe not emotionally ready yet. So I'm wondering whether to take her out and defer her for a term or two or even a year. Or keep her where she is and send her to school in September and she'll have familiar faces from nursery. I don't have to send her to nursery now as I have her younger brother at home at the moment so I just want to do what's best for her.

OP posts:
stichguru · 05/05/2025 10:30

I would probably take her out, defer her school place and keep doing other social things with her. Then she will not start school having a memory of being unhappy somewhere like school. I don't think you'd be wrong to do something else though!

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