Daughter not moved up with peers

[FatWhippet]

I'm writing this message as I want to know if I'm overreacting.... sorry for the rant 🫠🤣

I've become increasingly less impressed with my daughter's nursery recently, I've noticed less photos of her on famly, we've received weird email replies from the nursery manager or no reply at all and I feel she being penalised for only attending 2 days a week where most attend more (I'm maternity leave can't afford more days and want to spend time with her while I can!) Well I thought I was being silly until this week.

I'm proud that my daughter is super confident, very friendly, kind and a little sassy 💁‍♀️she is very small for her age being in second percentile but we consider her to be very intelligent. Nursery staff have always agreed with us that she is bright and they have outlined in several meetings, they arranged, just how well she is doing.

This week I was shocked to realised, through photos on Famly and from speaking to other parents, that all of our daughters peers have moved up to preschool. She has even mentioned she doesn't play with her best friends anymore 😔. She is now in the nursery with 2 year olds only, she turned 3 in January. Even children younger than her have moved up. She seems OK, happy and to have made friends, but I feel so sad for her.

The nursery manager has replied to our email asking why this has happened saying that they assessed them recently and found that she wasn't ready developmently. She hasn't really explained anything to us. What's worst is that I work in the senior school so these are my colleagues!

Are we right to be angry and upset about this, worried how it will affect our happy confident child? Should I email further for evidence/clarification? Or are we overreacting. My husband and I are so upset. I'm think of moving her to a different nursery even.

Ask to speak to the manager about their rationale for not moving her up before you jump to any conclusions.

And don't move her if she's happy - that would be cutting off your nose to spite your face!

I would be asking exactly what they felt she was behind in.

It makes no financial sense for them to keep her with 2yos as the ratios are very different. So either there is a problem or they can fill the preschool room with full timers but not the 2yo room.

I’d ask for a meeting to discuss how she is not meeting age related expectations. Tbf it sounds like they are acting in her best interests but I’d want a more detailed explanation. I’d also mention the impact of her losing her social group.

But try not to worry all kids develop at different paces particularly at tgat age, it might be helpful to ask if there’s anything you can do at home.

If she’s only just turned 3 then she’s not really preschool, in my DGSs nursery, the children only move up to the preschool room when in the year before they start Reception. A child who turned 3 in January 2025 will be moved up in January 2026 ready to start school in September 2026.

I think you are deflecting your feelings here.

The nursery manager has said your child isn't developmentally ready and instead of concern and worry about what that might mean you've gone into overdrive about being angry.

It's really hard to hear that your child might be a bit behind but a lot of the time it doesn't take them long to catch up. For some children it's the first signs of SEN. In a nursery setting the not being developmentally ready might just be a lack of independence e.g not able to button up own coat, go to toilet on own etc. I think the first thing you need to do is seek clarity on what they meant by not ready, then you can either dispute that if you disagree or work on helping your daughter towards it.

I get the impression this isn’t Uk .

however yes you need a meeting to find out why .

My D’s was delayed a month as he was just out of nappies when they planned to move him .

When you say ‘sassy’ what is she like behaviour wise at nursery?

Is she toilet trained? My sons nursery require them to be before they move to the pre school room, I assume because the ratios are lower and they don’t have nappy change facilities there.

Id imagine ‘developmentally ready’ to relate to this, or some other element of self care like independent dressing/putting on shoes, rather than anything educational at this age (eg phonics, maths).

The nurseries I have used only move the children to preschool if they are starting school at the next academic year. I’d expect her to move up in September.

it sounds like you are just upset that she is not as advanced as you thought

Same here re moving up, it’s the September after they turn 4 in our nursery, but accelerated so that by about Jan/Feb, all those starting school in the Sept move. At our nursery your DD wouldn’t be moving up until Sept.

You need to ask for a meeting asap to properly discuss what is happening, especially if they've been telling you all is fine until now.

Also for those saying she's too young to move to the preschool room. Whilst it's accurate to say in most UK settings this is the room they move to the year before they start school. It's clearly not the way the OPs nursery operates if younger children have moved up. So it's definitely something the OP needs clarity on.

They moved into the 3yo room as soon as they were 3 at DDs nursery. Likewise 2yos moved into the 2yo room. The OP said other children had moved.

Thanks everyone for your great replies.

We honestly don't mind if she is a little behind it's the lack of communication that's upset us. We just want to be informed. If we are informed them we can support her.

I do feel a bit sorry for her that all her good friends she's known for over a year have moved up without. But we are lucky she's making the most of it and still seems happy.

We will ask for clarity and a meeting

Thanks so much ☺️

It's pre-school. Don't worry about it!