Feeling inadequate

[Mumanddone]

My 4 yo is in a pre-school setting (starting reception next year) and I’ve discovered that one of the kids in her class is already reading fluently. I saw the mum being given a reading folder with a reading book and reading journal - this is not something that has been discussed with me and I’m certain most other parents don’t have one. I’ve asked the mum about this and she said her DD is “reading independently”, whatever that means. Am I right to be worried that my 4 yo is nowhere near this yet? I know most will say that we shouldn’t compare or compete but I don’t know what the norm is and I don’t want my child being left behind.

The norm is that probably 95% of 4 year olds are nowhere near reading independently.

It's unusual to read before school and isn't really a problem if you don't. DD's friend read early (started age 3) and dd didn't really start until Easter of reception year. They are 20 now and got the same GCSE and A level results. It's something to do with when their neurons in the brain start connecting things up I think. There's no benefit to it happening early. Just go at your dc's pace - all will be fine.

One of mine was reading fluently at preschool. Hyperlexia, diagnosed with autism at 6. Honestly, just focus on your own child and try not to worry about what anyone else is doing. If there was an issue with your child’s development you have to trust that either you or the teachers would pick it up and support appropriately - but you have to know it isn’t the norm for children to read independently before they start school.

I teach reception and in my experience this is beyond the normal range. Do not worry about reading, and certainly not fluently at this stage, there is plenty of time for that in reception and year 1.
The most important thing that you can do is share stories together, talk to your child lots and teach them some independence with toileting, washing hands, getting changed and putting on shoes, socks and coats!
Reception is an amazing year, make sure you both enjoy it and enjoy playing. They are only little once.

They all even out at year 4 and the braggy mums go quieter.

I taught my eldest to read, so she was reading by four. She was the only one. When she started school they called the headteacher in to her reception class to listen to her!

I'm now teaching her younger siblings to read; based on current progress they'll also be reading by four.

It's something that I do because it feels like a good way for me to bond with my children, and because teaching is a bit of a love language for me. I'm sure my kids would rather I did more Lego with them, but for lots of unrelated reasons this is my strength as a parent.

I wouldn't lose sleep over this. If it's one kid in every class of 30 at age 4 it would be a lot.

Where I work I have an extremely talented 4yo who is not reading yet - because we haven't taught it. She can read some words. For most children, we are teaching the initial sounds in words, some letter recognition, writing names. This is what is normal in the UK. If your child is potty trained, can put on their coat and shoes (not laces please), can count to 20, can recognise numbers to 10 and some letters, can recognise their name handwritten, can write their name - then they will be well ahead of many in their class!

Don't be a competitive parent. It will affect your child's self esteem, even if you don't say anything directly, they have a sixth sense. The child you saw may be hyperlexic, which is common with autism, and therefore may have plenty of other challenges throughout their life.

(I'm being candid because I feel like a "Yes, it was such a shock when we realised Emily could read!" type reply is unhelpful - yes there will be parents teaching their kids to read, as well as kids teaching themselves.)

With kindness, what are you worried about? That your child will be the only one on the entire class who can’t read independently? That seems unlikely at 4 doesn’t it.
the worst case scenario here is that your child isn’t the most advanced in the room, and that’s ok.

You’re right! I think every parent wants their child to be notable - her teacher has always praised her for things but I suppose you can’t expect them to be excelling in anything at this age.

I could read before school & won awards throughout primary however by secondary it pretty much levelled out.

Thank you. This is useful and I agree: I shouldn’t compare and compete. I will say the child doesn’t strike me as autistic in any way, I think she’s just very bright. I always thought my little one was too but perhaps there’s other skills that my one will possess faster. We just put an awful lot of weight on reading as a society, don’t think anyone will care if someone is able to kick a ball better etc

My eldest had a speech delay & was very slow to read & was below expectations for a bit. He was greater depth by yr 5 & just scored very high on his mock SATs so don't panic. Keep reading to them & buy books when they express an interest in a topic.

The phonics schemes that the teachers use are very defined and you'll confuse your child if you've partially taught them something different - so I honestly wouldn't worry until Reception and then follow their guidance. My DD went into Reception with just a few capital letters, and 6 months later is reading and writing sentences. You won't believe how fast they pick it up! Once they're in Reception, there's a lot you can do at home to reinforce and help their learning.