Very multi cultural school - worried my son will be left out

[DinoNuggetsRUs]

I really hope this doesn't come across the wrong way and I'm prepared to be flamed if I deserve to be flamed...

My sons just started nursery in a primary school near us. There are 2 close to us, I chose this one as it is a single entry and a much smaller school which I feel will really benefit my son and his needs.

The one I've chosen is in a poorer area, and located slap bang in the middle of quite a big council estate which doesn't bother me in the slightest. What I am slightly worried about it there seems to already be groups of school mums who all speak the same language who seem to already know each other.

There are 3 different languages in addition to English being spoken and I was really pleased with this at first as I thought it would be good for my little boy to make friends from all different cultures.

I've tried to speak to a few mums and smile and small talk at drop offs in the morning, and they tend to just smile at me. So for example, the other day I said to one mum 'Morning! Have you managed to have a look at the homework, I haven't had chance!' And she smiled at me and didn't say anything back. I've made similar comments about the weather, just banal shite to try and open a dialogue and they'll smile and laugh (in a nice way! Not at me) but they won't chat with me and then the other mums they seem to already know turn up and they'll have conversations in their own language. So essentially it'll be 3 groups of women with their children having conversations together in different languages and then me stood with my little boy on our own.

I know my little boy is happy at nursery which is the most important thing - I'm just worried about going forward when it comes to things such as play dates and birthday parties, are we going to end up being left out? I'm going to keep trying to make an effort but I'm considering changing him to the other primary school for reception. It's only been 3 weeks so I'm wondering whether to just give it some more time before I start panicking?

I guess they don't speak fluent English so probably struggle to hold a conversation with you. I'd personally give up trying tbh.

How many are in the nursery? Does it make up a full class? Chances are not every single kid from the nursery will go on to reception and you'll also get others who weren't at the nursery join the reception.

See how nursery goes but if you do feel excluded through his nursery years, I wouldn't blame you for enrolling him at the other school.

I taught at a very multicultural school and parents were quite divided into groups according to their backgrounds. All very friendly and nice, but also potentially hard for people not belonging to the main group to fit in. What I would say is that this didn't really impact the children's friendship groups- they were friends across the divides and children from smaller groups at the school, eg Chinese or white British, didn't have any problems because of their backgrounds.

My niece has this in high school she’s only been there two weeks and is not enjoying it at all. You would think who ever allocates forms would mix them up abit. And, what can you even say without sounding racist? I hope it evens itself out eventually but already these children are in their own little groups and she’s excluded.

I don't think it'll affect your son because children make friends with whoever.

But like you say play dates and parties will be more difficult if you're not being included with the other parents.

See how it goes, changing schools for reception isn't a big deal, lots don't go to school nursery for various reasons so your son isn't likely to be the only newbie

I'm glad it's not just me then! Well, not glad because it's awful for anyone to feel excluded.
They're all nice enough people and friendly faces - I just can't seem to make any kind of connection where I usually find making new friends and striking up conversation comes quite naturally to me but it's still early days I guess.

I'm definitely going to stick it out for this year, the teachers are great and he's really happy to be going into school every morning (which he wasn't at his last nursery!) and he gets really excited when he sees all his little friends, I was just wondering whether the play date and parties aspect of it is going to effect his overall experience. I might see whether we get any invites this year, and hold a soft play party for my son's 4th birthday in April to try and gauge the situation before making any decisions.

They’re smiling back which is the main thing! But I’m surprised at this pressure to make ‘mum friends’. I didn’t really get to know anyone until my child had really made friends in year 1/2 and we were all familiar faces by then…

I had no expectations either. You’re there to drop off and pick up. If you chat with another mum that’s a bonus but it won’t make or break your child’s life! If he’s happy and settled thats all that matters imo.

The thing is, not everywhere has the school gate mum culture - sometimes its just a daily chore

I agree with @Screamingabdabz and the poster after! My child is in yr1 and I mostly just say polite hellos and smile at the other parents at the school gates tbh. My DC gets invited to loads of parties and has plenty of friends at school. I haven't become friends with any of the other parents but am not particularly looking to.

We have this same situation. My son has turned out quite popular and has lots of party invites, but I do struggle to make small talk when I've accompanied him. I just get on with it, school is mainly his thing after all, and he is happy. It has gotten a little better over the few years the class has been together. For a kid I don't think it stops them having a good school experience and I do hope it will set him up well for being a tolerant adult.

Thing is even if everyone was from the same group, let's even say it was a homogenous group, that wouldn't guarantee you a nice mum to have a chat with in the morning / after school either. Surely you've come across a few of the school-gate mum threads? All else being equal your kid will make friends with other kids but it's not clear if your concern is related to your kid fitting in or you having someone to exchange pleasantries with. Having said that, the type of chit chat at the school gates isn't for everyone - I'd walk on hot coals to avoid someone telling me the weather's been a bit chilly lately so they're layering up.

Definitely more concerned about my boys experience than making any more mum friends!
I've got a solid little group from when I was on maternity leave who we still see once a month or so, so I don't feel like I'm missing out in that regard. I also start work 15 minutes after the school gates open so don't massively want to get stuck chatting and would prefer to drop and scarper. I've just been making an effort to get there 15 minutes early as this is my first school gates experience and I've read on here before how parents relationships with other parents effect things such as play dates and parties so wanted to start off on the right foot and make a good impression but I'm not entirely sure what the norm is.
I'm probably worrying about nothing!