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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

Original poster

Do they have to go?

57 replies

charmkin · 11/03/2008 18:41

Why do we do this to our 2 year olds?
Why are we making them sit on the mat and line up?
What is it really achieving?
Why is it a good thing for a 2 year old to be away from their mummy?

Who didn't do the pre-school thing?

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Original poster
charmkin · 11/03/2008 19:19

but will he think that if he cries then he doesn't have to go
am i delaying the inevitable

is like breaking the spirit of a wild horse
whip him in to submission

NO YOU CAN@T PLAY
YOU WILL SIT DOWN AND DO FINGER RHYMES

oo leave it 3 weeks then he will comply!!

OP posts:
Original poster
charmkin · 11/03/2008 19:20

ok
accept that i am upset and unreasonable and hormonal before anyone jumps on me

OP posts:
Twiglett · 11/03/2008 19:21

no there is a developmental curve

pootleflump · 11/03/2008 19:21

My dd has never clung to my leg- not even on her first day. Not once since sept has she said that she doesn't want to go. She has not regressed - she has flourished and gained more confidence than I could ever have imagined.

Twiglett · 11/03/2008 19:21

are you thinking that if you don't do it now it will be too late to do it at 3.5 or 4.5 and that he'll find it harder

because if you are, you're wrong

FrannyandZooey · 11/03/2008 19:21

god no, why are you doing it?

I didn't send ds until he was over 3 and I took weeks settling him in so we didn't have any clinging to the leg thing

I also chose a nursery where they DO let him just play if he wants to - I often come back and find him in the same spot that I left him 2 hours previously (ie the sandpit) - he loves being allowed to concentrate on something for so long

Original poster
charmkin · 11/03/2008 19:21

and on sceond glass of wione
purely medicinal you understand

why did no one ever tell you this stuff

OP posts:
jazzandh · 11/03/2008 19:21

My DS was like this for the first session (the whole class was like it) but by the end of the first week (3 sessions) most of them were fine. Ds loves "school" now - asks to go, and you wouldn't have thought it to begin with. Having said that, some will not be ready, will struggle to settle, in which case leave it and try later.

Sooner or later they will have to let go - my cousin never went to pre-school - kicked up a fuss but then struggled big time when he went to school.

FrannyandZooey · 11/03/2008 19:22

if ds cries then he doesn't go

why would you leave your child somewhere they didn't want to be if you didn't have to?

he is 2!

Twiglett · 11/03/2008 19:22

but if you're doing it because you need the time without him, for any reason including just do, then he will settle given a week or so

but there's no 'have to go' about it

FrannyandZooey · 11/03/2008 19:23

yes agree about needing time
if he must go, he must
but it doesn't sound like the right place for a start, does it?

Lulumama · 11/03/2008 19:23

i thikn you need to look at whether this is the right thing for you and your child, rather than everyone else

DS loved nursery, never had the crying , leg clinging , DD runs into playgroup, hangs her backpack on the peg and kisses me good bye.

if i was as distressed as you sound about it, i would take my child out or send them to a CM where it is more one to one

Original poster
charmkin · 11/03/2008 19:24

pressure
because everyone else doing it
cos they saying oo some cry for 3 months!!
omg

OP posts:
S1ur · 11/03/2008 19:24

You won't be damaging him by not sending him, if you can afford to care for him yourself or make alternative arrangements like a cm.

If you don't feel he is ready for that kind of environment then you probably know best.

BUT.

Is it really like you're describing? I suspect they probably do more encouraging gently than absolute dictatorship and rigid rules. But I don't knowe the nursery yopu do.

If its feels crap then you have alternatives.

I had to use a nursery for a while when I worked ft and it was heartbreaking because my dd was a clinger and cried. I get that it is horrible. FWIW I really think they can do that and still have a good time while they are there.

Lulumama · 11/03/2008 19:24

if you are doing this beacsue everyone else is, it is the wroooooong reason!

your child, you know him best, so your call

jazzandh · 11/03/2008 19:27

The structure is not a bad thing imo. Gives all the children a chance to have a go at things that they may not otherwise gravitate too.

Sitting and learning rhymes is a good way of improving language skills etc - some parents don't have the chance, don't know to do this....

Original poster
charmkin · 11/03/2008 19:30

is attatched to school
he will go up with that class till he is 11
feel like he will be missing out unless he is with others

highly competetive middle class place
i don't neeeed him to go
it is on days i work, but Ihave alternative childcare

is this a cruel to be kind thing
will be 'get used to it'
will he just comply int he end
feel like I am beating teh childhood out of him

OP posts:
S1ur · 11/03/2008 19:32

Delay it.

He won't miss out by starting a bit later.

2 is very young. Wait til he is more ready, maybe 3 or 3 and half. If he gets a term or so before starting reception it'll still ease him into reception.

Twiglett · 11/03/2008 19:33

will you please listen to what people are telling you

he is too young for you to feel the pressure that he must go

give it a year and then see

there is still plenty of time and still no legal need to be in a form of education until rising 5

if you want him to go then fine .. send him but appreciate that that is a decision that YOU and his father are making .. not anyone else .. it is your decision to do so

if you don't want him to go then pull him out

oops · 11/03/2008 19:58

Message withdrawn

ratbunny · 11/03/2008 22:28

I just found out about all thie preschool business today, when talking about early years at work (I'm a key stage 2 teacher). I was that they go at 2.9, but they don't have to do they? It's not statutory til the term they are 5, so they theoretically dont have to go to school til they are nearly y1 (if summer born).
don't send your ds to this group if he hates it. just leave it til he is ready for it.

(I don't want ds to ever go to school! lol. We are going to run away and live in a forest somewhere )

ThingOne · 11/03/2008 22:41

Would you not get the place at the school in a year's time? My DS1 only started pre-school at 3yr 9mo as December born. He'll still get a full year before he starts proper school. I was just not prepared to send him earlier as he wasn't up to it. I couldn't give a stuff what other people say. It's not really "school" though. They seem to introduce the odd letter but that' about it - plenty of baking, playdoh and playing in the garden. Tbh I have him there to learn about queueing, sitting quietly in a group and to make some friends who'll go to school with him. Oh and to realise that at four he can take his own pants and trousers down and pull them back up ...

My DS2 is a completely different matter and waltzed eagerly into day nursery at under 18mo.

stuffitllama · 11/03/2008 22:45

Don't worry about not sending him to nursery, pre-school, whatever it's called. If he hates it and you hate it, then why?

Two of mine went -- with the third one I did think, what's the point, and so didn't bother until over 3.5.

I wished I'd done the same with my first. The middle one liked it, they're all different. With the first I wish I'd had the confidence NOT to do it, he would have been happier for it and so would I.

cariboo · 11/03/2008 22:50

You're so fortunate! I couldn't wait to get some time for myself - I'm a selfish b*tch of a mother, I guess.

colditz · 11/03/2008 22:55

I attended NOTHING but toddler groups until i was 5.5, and I waltzed into school perfectly happily.