DS aged 4.3 curious about Mummy's er... "bits". Help!

[TheSweetLittleBunny]

He knows that he started off as an egg and he came out of Mummy's tummy.

He knows that Mummy does not have a willy.

Now he wants to know HOW he got out of Mummy's tummy (the explanation that he "popped" out no longer suffices). And if I haven't got a willy how do I wee - and what is the place where I wee out of called .

Bearing in mind that this is the child who has more or less sussed that Santa Clause is all made up stuff - can any of you think of a non-rude sounding name for their mummy bits please?

[bossybritches]

I said to mine when asked that ladies have a front bottom for weeing out of, men have a willy, & both have a back bottom for poos.

Ladies have a special extra hole for babies to come out but it's very small until you are much older. Usually toddled off quite happy until the next question came along. don't need to do the whole birds & bees thing in one hit!!

A book by Babette Cole called " hair in Funny Places " is a nice conversation starter with sweet cartoons & not too much detail for early questions.

like here

[seeker]

Ive seen The Vagina Monologues twice - and I just could not shout out THAT WORD - even when drunk!

[Miggsie]

I got all the questions from DD about her various "holes down below" in the same week she asked: why does a dove having its head bitten off mean the dove is dead? What happens to the dead dove? Why are we putting it in a hole? Who bit its head off? It could not have been our cat as our cat is lovely. Is the cat going to die next? etc etc.
Made the "girls have 3 holes, boys have 1 hole and extendable pipe" discussions a walk in the park really...

Agree about the words are either dismissive/demeaning or violent and sound rude and ditto the misogyny.

Was it John Ruskin who fainted on his wedding night when he discovered women have pubic hair too? We're a bit further on that that now, anyway!!!!!!

[TheSweetLittleBunny]

Hair in Funny Places looks good bossybritches - I thought I'd go for Babette Coles Mummy Laid and Egg though. DS really loves factual books.

Miggsie - my DS is curious about death too - his favourite book at the moment is The Wonky Donkey - the poor old donkey dies after years of mistreatment. Lovely bedtime reading eh?

[TheSweetLittleBunny]

Seeker I agree with you - I didn't go and see VM - because I wondered what could be so great about women talking about their vaginas for an hour and a half. I guess it's a social conditioning thing again - why shouldn't we talk about it?
I'm still not sure I want DS to say vagina just yet though

[Meeely2]

we are still at
"where's your willy mummy?"
" mummy hasn't got one"
"oh, why?"
"cos mummies don't have willy's only daddys do"
"and me, mummy, i got a willy"
"oh yes you have too"

Not really been discussed since, but then my boys are 3, so usually believe everything we say.

Can I ask...me and dh sleep in the nude, when, if ever, will it be inappropriate to let our kids into bed with us? I know they are our kids, but I wonder if too much nudity is a bad thing? I don't ever want them to be body concious, but I do want them to have some boundaries as they get older i guess, just not sure how to approach it....

[choccypig]

SweetlittleB My son loved the wonky donkey too.

We call my "bits" a lala, I think I got the name off MN.

Breasts are breasts, but I love that he thinks I wear a "barbara" to hold them up.

We used to have great disussions panty pads, which he SO wanted for himself, I used to let him put them in his knickers. Cue him going round Sainsburies singing "I'm wearing panty-pants"

Trouble is, now I'm menopaused he seems to have forgotten all this useful info. Think they should cover it in Key Stage 1.

[S1ur]

We have vulvas and penis' in our house who sometimes moonlight as fannys and willys

Out of interest are you concerned about dd saying penis? or is it just ds saying vagina/vulva?

I really would just go with accurate names tbh, by making up whimsical, pretty names you just end up making it seem like female genitals are something a bit cutsey. Which is odd imho.

There have been threads and threads of this with posters who put it better than I could

[FrannyandZooey]

Vulva is a good word, and you can explain the baby came out of your vagina which is the passage leading from your vulva to where the baby was growing - they only ask once usually, if you give a good explanation, and it gets easier to hide your cringes

we did consider fanny as a nice non-offensive partner to 'willy' but this is a rude term for a lot of people, so best go with the specific terms IMO

[Miggsie]

Hm, I might look up the wonkey donkey, she saw a graveyard once and made me go all the way through reading all the headstones to her!
Now every time we pass a church it's "those people are dead".
And don't try to explain taking the cat to the vet to get "neutered" and why the cat will never have babies...and why is mummy's bottom "furry".

She saw her 4 year old friend being breast fed (don't ask) and in a piercing register audible across the county said "Oh XX why are you sucking your mummy's bottom?"
Back to the anatomy lesson!!!!!!!
She calls boobs "nuzzles" btw her own invention and said "mummy you've got really big ones, daddy's got medium ones, and I've got teeny tiny ones".
DH now on a diet as mortified to hear his are "medium sized"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Meeely2]

miggsie lol, my dh the same, both my boys dared to say daddy's were BIGGER than mummy's!

[Miggsie]

Meeely2: out of the mouths of babes...!

sleepycat: I explained the baby coming out process to my DD (then 3) and said "mummys have a special hole and the baby comes out between your legs" etc and DD falls over laughing and says "oh mummy you are tricking me! Babies don't do that."
I could not persuade her otherwise so finally reverted to "a window opens in mummy's tummy and the baby comes out that way." She looked at me thoughtfully and said "Yes, that's how babies come, mummy, do try to get it right and not be silly next time".
Yes, she really said that!
My boss thinks she will be prime minister.

[TheSweetLittleBunny]

I thought vulva might be a good word too actually - it is a technically correct word that describes the whole area - whereas vagina only describes one part of the vulva.

I like the "special hole between your legs" explanation. Trouble is what happens when he asks if he can see it? Which, I can guarantee you, he will. He sees me naked every day - but not in full gynaecological detail IYKWIM.

Slur we say willy because that's what DH started referring to it as when speaking with DS. DS has named his willy Tinky. We don't say penis really, but I don't mind telling him that willy = penis and that vulva = fanny.

Meely2 - DS sometimes sleeps with us and when we are starkers too. I have asked myself the same question. I just think that we will know when the time is right, perhaps take your cue from the children, when they start being a bit more self-conscious about family nudity will probably be the time to stop.

[TheSweetLittleBunny]

Hmm still not sure about "fanny" though on reading my last post. When I was at school it used to be a rude word - granted it has been replaced by much worse ones now though.

[Meeely2]

I still use foo foo, even when speaking to DH, so i think we will use that as they get older - but also have the sit down, serious conversation about how everything works too.

[lingle]

You can distract them from asking to see the special hole by talking about what hard work the pushing was (it being such a small hole and thus such a squeeze). They can do impersonations.

I explained that he has two holes in his willy, one for wee and one for seeds that make babies. All went well until my husband told me that there's only one hole - (two tubes, not two holes).

I've even mananged to explain that to make a baby you have to put the seed next to mummy's egg which is inside her tummy.

He's 5 1/2. I figure you might as well explain as much as possible before they start being embarrassed.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Oh, please don't teach your girls silly names for women's genitals. It's not great to do it with boys (ok, I do say 'bits' which is sub-optimal, will switch to vulva, or maybe punani), but with girls it is a major error.

And this is why - if, in the future, some uncle or whatever touches them inappropriately, and they report it to the teacher ... will the teacher understand?

'My uncle touched my lilly!'

'Oh, that's nice, dear.'

Please teach them words that everyone knows!

[NotQuiteCockney]

Only one tube in the willy, actually lingle, which transports both semen and urine. There are two tubes higher up, though, obviously

[MrsWeasley]

My DC have always seen me in varies states of undress and I have answered questions as they ask them. Its never been an issue.
Yesterday my DS found a leaflet about sexy underwear (It was in a magazine from a tacky newspaper!) and he got all giggly and silly when I pointed out that he has been mummys boobs lots of times and never made a fuss, his reply was "But Mummy your boobs dont look like these"

[MsDemeanor]

I use vulva to dd, but she insists on bottom. What can you do?

The 'equivalent' to misogyny is misandry, by the way.