Odd comment from Preschool?

[DareToDream33]

First thread, so please be kind 🫣

DD1 started preschool in September when she turned 3, she’d been at home with me previously and due to covid (plus other factors such as my dad battling cancer/having continued treatments) she hasn’t mixed with a huge amount of children beforehand other than a couple of friends I have with children and cousins of a similar age.

DD is an energetic little girl, funny and loving, but also stubborn/strong willed. She was very excited about preschool and settled well. No tears at any drop offs and always happy to go straight in, I think since starting there’s been two incidents they’ve briefly mentioned to me - one was that she apparently pushed another children (but they don’t know if it was provoked) and another was that she threw some sand outside at another child (again they didn’t seem to have the full story), anyway, she apologised for both and got upset both times when she was told off - expected and I’m totally fine with her being told (that behaviour is unacceptable at home and anywhere else).

Other than that, they’ve always said to me she’s had a good morning when I’ve picked her up, all the updates I get on the app are positive and say how lovely she plays with other children, joins in with all tasks etc.

When I picked her up the other day, her key worker said she’d had a brilliant morning leading games, and joining in etc. She then went on to say ‘Yes she’s been brilliant, it’s almost like she’s another child…’ it looked like she was going to continue saying something but got interrupted by another parent.

I was a bit confused by the comment, to me it implied that maybe she hasn’t been ok all along and her behaviour that day was less common than I’m being lead to believe?

Husband thinks I’m overthinking and he thinks it sounds more like she meant she’s a different child in terms of the fact she was leading games etc, rather than just playing alongside… I guess I’m just not sure whether I should bring it up when I next drop her off or just leave it as I’m being far too sensitive?! Welcomed DS 5 months ago so hormones are probably still very imbalanced 😂

Any thoughts welcome…

You're probably fine! Sounds like she's normally lovely but quiet and today was very confident.

Yep overthinking. We're all guilty of it. But try to stop yourself going back to the key worker for an explanation. She won't remember and it'll be awkward. Instead, congratulate yourself that such a big transition is really going comparatively smoothly. Well done DD!

I wouldn’t overthink it at all. It could have been anything. If you’re really bothered ask them

It is very normal for children to only play alongside their peers at 3 even those in full time nursery. I think if they had concerns they would raise them in a more formal way, so I wouldn’t worry about that sort of comment. It is hard when you pack your precious child off and for the first time intheir lives you don’t know everything that is going on but it is good for both of you.

Preschools have a standard template they follow on apps. They will rarely if ever call out behavioural issues in writing or even mention it to parents unless it’s part of a pattern or they are hurting other kids. If I were you I’d call the nursery and speak to her keyworker to get to the bottom of it.

Also preschools are prep for school so the focus can be on older kids while younger ones are left to get on with it. For example DS is nearly 3 and has had a tough time recently. He spent all day everyday for 3 weeks in the garden across all weather playing tennis (often by himself because the other kids don’t have the coordination to hit the ball like he can). His keyworker supervises him and make sure he’s wearing the right clothes but she never mentioned it. I found out from another parent whose kid told her. I then had to step in and remind nursery that this isn’t really normal behaviour for him and asked if they could help him socialise.

So I used to work in a nursery and have worked as a childminder. Going to be honest, that comment means the child hasn't been behaving in the past and today or this week they have hence "like a different child"

This staff member probably didn't think before they opened their mouth, but there you go.

You probably want to be reassured your overthinking as its easier to take than imagine your child being disruptive and that staff have essentially been lying to you.

The hard truth is, childcare providers know, parents want to hear their child is great and is having a great day. Butttttttt, you are never thanked for being honest and it ain't great for business so we stick to a script generally "yeah so and so was good had a good day". Not worth the agro being honest. Unless the behaviour is outrageous and even then.....

As a nursery nurse, with my child in two other childcare provisions I wholeheartedly disagree with this. I am always open and honest with all my mums and dads.
additionally my CM and preschool are honest with DD's issues
furthermore I would personally say this meant she was different because taking charge not cos she's bad?
you'll only know if you clarify I guess

Thanks everyone for your responses, I think it really is down to interpretation! All parents have been invited in over the next couple of weeks for stay and play sessions at the preschool, where you can have a chat with their key worker too - so if I’m still bothered by it then, I’ll mention it! Although like @Lulu2171 said, bringing it up after a little while may end up being more awkward than helpful 😅

@Rarrrarrrarrbumdiay having known other parents that have sent their children to this preschool, I don’t get the impression it’s the kind that ignores behaviours unless they are ‘outrageous’. And if that was the case, why would they bother mentioning DD pushing another child - seen as that can be such common behaviour at that age and would be seen as not worth mentioning/worth the ‘agro’…
but I appreciate where you’re coming from in terms that other parents will not want to hear anything other than that their child is brilliant - but I think we all know none of our children are perfect!

There's absolutely no harm in asking, why wouldn't you ask for clarification.