Thinking of taking my son out of preschool - what do I need to do?

[Rayniermum]

Hi All,

I am new to mumsnet and just want some advise and opinion from other parents. I know one wouldn't think about taking their child out of nursery but read our situation first. I have been back and forth with myself whether I should or should not pull him out.

Background info:

My son just turned 3 last month, he has been attending preschool about 10 months ago (8:45am to 11:45am). At first he was happy there, he enjoyed himself and was okay with me leaving him. A few months down the line suddenly he became more aware of his surrounding and more attached to me, he now realizes that I leave him at nursery - he throws a tantrum and takes a very long time for him to settle. Sometimes I even have to stay with him for an hour or 2 which defeats the purpose of him going there in the first place as I work part time (2pm-8pm).

I usually drop my son with his dad or mother in law BUT he is very difficult to feed so I usually try to get him to eat before dropping him off to them. Nursery is also very difficult for me because he has no appetite in the morning even when I tried getting him up earlier than usual and the teachers can't get him to eat either during snack time so I am worried he is starving by the time I pick him up.

Recently, he has also been getting sick more often - he goes to nursery 1-2 days gets ill and will be absent for a few days and so they are quite unhappy about that.

FINALLY, the school and SENCO has also pointed out to me that my son's development is very behind. My son does not socialise or form friendships either at nursery. SENCO has referred my son to be seen by a pediatrician and to speech and language therapy as we assume my son may be on the autism spectrum. On his appointment 2 weeks ago, (the school SENCO attended with us) the pediatrician says he thinks so too, but they still need to have a proper meeting with professionals and they will decide whether my son will be officially diagnosed with autism.

With that in mind, I have thought long and hard - thinking I want to pull him out.

But I am worried:
1.) will this affect him applying for school in the future.
2.) The SENCO wants to apply my son for Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) which will help fund his education from now till 25y/o - will this be stopped if I pull him out and how will this affect us when he does start school properly?
3.)SENCO was the one who referred us to get help, will the potential help stop if I take my son out of nursery?

Sorry for the very long message, but I would really appreciate your thoughts, advise, and answers to my questions

This is a tough decision and hard for anyone else to decide what's best for your son.
Is it possible if your son gets extra provision that things could improve for your son at preschool. I would imagine there are pros and cons to pulling him out. Hopefully somone else will reply with more relevant experience. My dd has special needs, but on the more severe end, but she went to a special needs preschool where she thrived.
Good luck with the decision

I can understand that maybe things aren't going as well as you would like for your son at the moment with nursery.
Hearing that your son maybe autistic also could be hard for you to come to terms with if you didn't have concerns.
However it really would be best for your son to remain in his present setting as it's very positive that the school have identified that there maybe issues and want to action an EHCP.
I'm sure you can work with the school to support his development.

Thank you for your replies, I really appreciate it. Sorry I should have phrased my question in a different way, I meant what steps do I need to take if I do want to pull him out.

Of course I am not thinking of taking him off from school completely, maybe when he is 5 and actually needs to start school I will look into alternatives. I just feel like maybe he is not ready for nursery as he is quite behind in his development such as communication and social. And also that he is very difficult to feed means he often goes to nursery empty stomach plus the everyday tamtrums of I have to deal with when leaving him there.

I will of course still try to take him out to have activities but at least he is with me, and if he is formerly diagnosed I will take all the help we need such as activity and support classes.

I was just worried that if I pull him out now, if it will impact me trying to apply him to school when he turns 5.

@Flywheel may I ask what is the name of the preschool and what are the requirements to apply? - I do want to keep my options open, especially if he does get the diagnosis for autism.

My twins are 3, both have ASD. We are just getting to the end of the EHCP process now and they’ll be starting a specialist school between now and September, a year before school age.

My twins are also delayed with social and communication skills but this is one of the reasons we put him into nursery. I do believe it has helped somewhat. An EHCP would fund additional support for him at nursery to help support him.

If you pulled him out then the NHS assessments etc will continue, they are unrelated regardless of who referred. I am not sure what would happen with the EHCP process if you take them out when they’re before compulsory school age. I would get advice from your local SENDIASS. Unfortunately there’s very little info online around EHCPs and children under 5.

There may be specialist nurseries in your area, or there may be specialist schools who take children from 2 as there are here.

@SinkGirl Thank you, that is useful to know - I will contact SENDIASS.

The paediatric did give me a few leaflets of support to contact, but there were too many I didn't know where to start and who to contact first. I am just a bit overwhelmed with all this.