Nursery suggesting Daughter be held back a year!

[Bailey15]

Our daughter is 3 and is the youngest in her nursery class (her birthday is in August). She has always been very bright, she can count to 100, knows her ABC, shapes, colours, many animals and even some Spanish.
Today however, it was suggested to my partner by my daughters key-person that she be held back a year because she doesn't interact or talk to the other children (only one other boy)!
She never stops talking at home, but I knew she was quiet at nursery and largely put this down to the fact that she doesn't really have the opportunity to interact with children her own age at home, unfortunately she is an only child and we are struggling to give her a sibling. There are no other children in our family her age and I had my daughter quite late so all my friends children are older. She does play with my friends children through and she adores my closest friends son who is 8.
My daughter only goes to nursery 2 days a week (increasing to 3 after Christmas).
This said the suggestion to hold her back has left me dumb-struck!! I thought this was only suggested when there are severe problems (disability or extreme learning difficulties).
I know social skills are important, but she is only 3 and has only been at nursery for 3 months! Surely it's far to early to even suggest holding her back? It seems very drastic to me, given that surely her confidence and social skills will improve .. even if isn't not until she starts school?
Many thanks for any thoughts/advice.

I would want to know what the nursery have put in place to encourage social interaction given that they've identified it as an issue.

DD's nursery have been fantastic at nudging DD to engage with her peers as I told them on our first meeting that this was an issue for her. She's come on leaps and bounds in just a couple of months.

It sounds like your daughter is very bright so she probably makes her own entertainment perfectly well and doesn't 'need' friends to make the day enjoyable but it is an important skill that she needs to learn.

While pregnant I joined an antenatal group to ensure DD would have opportunities to have friends her own age as, like you, all my friends' children are older. I do think you need to invest in it a bit.

Having said that, on the face of it, you're nursery's suggestion to hold her back a year seems a bit over the top. I'd want a meeting asap to discuss fully their take on it.

Assuming you're in England your daughter will be the youngest in her year if she goes to school next year and will go to school at 4yrs and 0 months old whereas others in the class will be 4yrs and 11 months old.

There is a movement now to allow more children born in August to choose to go into the next school year instead because it has been shown that statistically they are disadvantaged by being younger. That doesn't mean all are disadvantaged, and it's complicated as some may be intellectually younger, some emotionally and some physically. It sounds like your dd is doing well intellectually but maybe not emotionally?

I'm not sure when you have to decide by but i'd be asking the nursery for some suggestions (is there really only one other child her age? if so is this the best nursery for her?) before making the decisions, but don't write it off.

Glad to see it's not just me having problems with posting....

I agree, the nursery should be highlighting what they have done to help her manage this aspect of her development. If they have no reasonable solutions, it may be worth considering a different nursery.

Statistically, children born in August do less well in school so keeping her back might not be the worst idea ever. However... in the 9 months between now and when she starts, an awful lot can change and I'd be hesitant to make this decision now. When DS was doing the intro sessions over the summer I wasn't convinced he was going to cope at all. Yet 2 months later, he was like a different child. They do mature in huge leaps at this age.

Once she's received a school place, it might be worth contacting the school to ask what they think and what processes they have in place for children who struggle socially. That will allow you to make a more informed decision before you actually have to accept the place.

Oh, and DD struggles a bit socially too. As a result, we took a careful look at the school options before we made a decision. The school we liked for many reasons however was not the one we chose as we think the social aspect of that school is not right for her.

Ffs! Sorry about all the posts, the post button appeared to be not responding.

I know you consider her very bright but compared to children who are 364 days older (and several months younger), she is in the normal range. If her social skills are significantly below average, then this could have a big impact on her keeping up with her peers and being happy at school.

Can you arrange a meeting with the nursery manager to ask what they can do to help bring her up in line with where she should be and what you can do to help her? Ultimately I would listen to what your nursery has to say as they will be looking at the situation objectively and without parental prejudice (which most of us can’t help but have).

In the meantime, as difficult as it can be when you don’t know anyone, I’d suggest lots of toddler groups with similar aged children and try to get to know the parents so you can set up play dates.

How long are they thinking of keeping her with the younger kids? If 3 months or so, Id consider it - but with a plan of how to get her interacting with others, and re-integrating with her peers.

DS1 was moved up rooms at nursery very late, and is thriving at school in certain areas (writing and spelling are below average, maths and science he is exceeding).

Dont rule it out without listening to them. It may just to be to allow her to settle before moving again, given the short time she has been there.

My DD is a late August baby.
I WISH we had had the opportunity to hold her back - I asked at the time but it wasn’t an option then.
I tried to get her to do year 6 again this year but it was like fighting a loosing battle.
She is constantly at a disadvantage - it was really obvious in the first years of school. A year age difference is along time when you are 4 or 5!
Don’t reject the idea out of hand. Weigh up the pros and cons. I’m sure there are no, or very few, cons but lots of pros.

Are they suggesting she is held back a year at nursery or when she starts school?

Where I live in England it is possible for all summer born children (April onwards) to be able to chose which year to go into. It's very common for July/August children to drop back a year, so much so that no one bats an eyelid about it anymore.

I would absolutely do it if my DC were late summer born.

My boys didn't interact with other kids for the first year or so of preschool/school. (Overseas so different names for nursery etc). Their teachers were concerned but I could see from how they behaved at home that they were perfectly ok. They were lively and talkative at home and had friends - They just weren't into interacting with the other kids at school at school.
They were well behaved and did well acedemically. I don't think they were particularly shy either. It was just that they were very quiet and introverted.

They ended up being popular kids with loads of friends.

I would Listen very carefully to what the nursery staff say but I would not be shy to get a second opinion or to make a decision for myself. You know your daughter better than anyone.

She may be very bright academically but working at social skills is just as important. She may struggle in school if she doesn’t have long enough to practise and hone those skills. Is this a school nursery?

Definitely have a meeting with them to discuss how you can all work together to improve her interaction skills.
I'm presuming that they are suggesting that you hold her back a year before going to school? Is she due to go Sept 19?
My DD started school in September and has 2 girls in her class who are late July and August babies, and they have really really struggled to settle. They've found it hard to make friends and are emotionally still very upset when going in in the mornings. I'm not saying your DD will be the same, but something to think about.
But, if you do decide that a delay would be beneficial, check admissions polices with any schools you will be applying for as some of them still place the child in year one, missing Reception completely - which then defeats the object of the delay as they won't have had the reception year to settle.

A couple of late August children are doing this at my nursery. It does need approval by school and council too so not easy just to do.

My eldest dd is a mid August bday. She did fine at school but it was GCSE years and college that I found the bigger impact. She was that bit too immature to concentrate and study hard through GCSE’s and has been the last of her friends to drive so has found that tough going.

So she has only attended any kind of nursery or day care for 3 months?

If this is the case I would say it’s not surprising if it’s still taking her a while to settle in and play confidently with other children. Don’t take it as a personal affront, but do ask what the nursery are doing to help your child develop socially in nursery.

Gosh, only just realised this thread was from December, sorry! I wonder whether op took the nursery advice or not?