Extreme bright but not engaging.

[Sparrowlegs248]

Dr is 3yrs 4 months. He'll be just 4 when he goes to school. I saw his pre school key worker today. She said that he is extremely bright, streets ahead in numbers, letters, speech, everything really. But doesn't engage. Often won't talk to any other staff. Can take ages to get him to go and do an activity, and when he gets there he'll get sit and not take part.

I'm not sure what to think. Half of me thinks "well he's 3" and the other half is convened that her set apart from others in the group.

He does lots of things at pre school, but mostly on his own terms. He's not taking part in nativity rehearsals, though is there and knows all the songs etc as he sings them at home.

When her asked to come and do "group time" he will ignore, not go, take a lot of persuading.

Should I be worried? I am a bit. How should I approach it?

He's at pre school 2.5 days a week.

That's normal! He may have good relationships with his key person and other workers, and with other children he sees, but just prefers to be a bit more solitary. If a child doesn't want to do something no good preschool will ever force them into it.

What did his key person say in regards to his PSED? He doesn't speak much to other adults, what about other children? He's obviously engaging in some way if she knows how great he is at his literacy and maths and language.

He may just not be one for small group activities, that's fine, he's very little and forcing the issue isn't an option. Did you see a tracker or observations regarding his PSED?

He's still so young. It's okay for him to prefer solitary play and it's okay for him to be quiet. From your post it sounds like he's busy, he's doing lots of interesting things, and his key person is keeping an eye on him and recording the things he does do on his terms. Some children are just solitary at this age.

Something I might suggest to a parent with your concerns is, does he see other children outside of preschool? Does he have family members of a similar age? Is there a club or group he might attend? Or even something like soft play here and there? Obviously not remotely necessary, and 2.5 days is a good amount for preschool. But the more he is around other children, the more he is enabled to learn social interaction.

The thing about your post that worries me is how it takes ages for them to persuade him to do an activity, and then he won't even do it. Not about him, but about them - if he doesn't want to do it they shouldn't really be making him go just for him to sit and not be bothered about it. It's obviously not in his interests.

@WelcomeToGreenvale thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

She didn't say much about PSED really. Other than he will be one if the youngest starting school next year and will need o make up sone ground by then.

She suggested scheduling activities at home, as I said I wasn't really seeing this behaviour at home, although thinking about it, I do see it when he's been at his dad's (where he spends the day with dad and both GP, so the adult child ratios is 3:2 rather than 1:2 as it is when he is at home)

're language , numbers, letters etc. He will sing the alphabet, and number songs, and count aloud, while playing on his own. And I think when he does take part he communicates well. I also think (without wanting to sound ott) that he already knows a lot of the things they are doing at pre school.

He sees his older primary age cousins regularly, and has a younger sibling. We do a pre school swimming group every week. But actually no, he doesn't see many children his own age out of school. We are about to start either a gym or dance class though, which will be the first activity he's done where I wouldn't be involved.

I'm a little worried about primary school applications, I thought I knew what to do but this has confused the issue somewhat!

Have you considered delaying starting school until he's nearly five?
Compulsory school age for him would be September 2020. He could go in at Year 1, or Reception.
Children start formal school so early in the UK. It might be this that he is finding difficult.

I hadn't Super as he's so bright I really thought he'd be ready for it. If he went to the school that the pre school is attached to, I'd be happy as the reception class is a real stepping stone from the 're school to the main school .

I'd discounted the local much smaller school but am wondering now if that would be a better choice.

He's 3... don't start worrying yet.

Keep an eye.

We are in year 1 now at a school where DS attended nursery for 2 years first. I have seen children who were ahead, lag behind and who lagged behind steam ahead... I couldn't have predicted half the class from nursery in the first year

With my own DS I did some social stories(?) at home, he's not got autism but at a time I wondered... he seemed to get it after them in some scenarios and I think they can be useful regardless.

3 is very normal to want to do your own thing! And can be as simple as not understanding that actually you have to join in, it's not really optional

Thank you. You are right, he is 3 and although in his last year at pre school is a year younger than some of the other children in his group.

@incallthebloodytime I like the idea of the social stories, cam you give an example?

Well this is playing on my mind. He 2as very quiet when I dropped him off today. I have previously noticed he's quite hesitant when going into the class. When I said the the key worker that he tells me he's played with this or that friend, she said "well that one is very popular......" as if ds isn't friends with her at ALL. He's so outgoing at home, that I'm struggling to think of him being so shy and quiet at pre school, and tbh it makes me sad. I wonder how I can help his confidence? He's said today that he doesn't want to do the nativity. He doesn't like it. Yet to see him at home, he's a born performer.

My ds3 is fairly confident and chatty at home but did not really start showing this in school until year 1. He found pre school and reception rather overwhelming (although you would not believe this if you had seen him at home) . He is now in year 4 and his teacher described him as a very confident and capable child who is keen to always do his best. He still has occasions when he gets anxious about things and hates being centre of attention but I think that it is just his personality.

Of course it is really important that if you are concerned then seek further help. As a parent you often have an excellent gut feeling when things are not right. I knew things were not quite right with ds1 but it took 7 years to get it recognised.

re language , numbers, letters etc. He will sing the alphabet, and number songs, and count aloud, while playing on his own. And I think when he does take part he communicates well.

I would arrange to go and have another conversation with the staff about his functional language.
Reciting things - particularly numbers - whilst playing on his own, doesn't demonstrate that he is able to use language in a functional way. If he is struggling with functional language, then that can make social interaction difficult, which could be why he isn't taking part in things. Quite frankly, I'd listen to the people that see him 3x a week at Nursery, rather than any of us that post on here, as we don't know him like they do.
As you ask, then yes, the combination of things you have written, would be worrying me if he were my ds. I would certainly want to dig deeper, arrange for a meeting with the key worker and SENCo, and ask some more searching questions.

His communication is excellent, I gave the examples yet to show that he does all of that anyway, in his own time. He speaks as well as children 2 years older than him, and is well able to hold a conversation with proper sentences. But apparently he doesn't do this with all of the staff at pre school. (But does with some)

Also, my reason for asking is that I don't really see this behaviour at home, where the he doesn't stop talking. Ever! And does as he's asked, responds etc.

Hi Nottalotta, just wondering if there's an update on your DS? My DS is 3.5 and sounds similar to yours in some ways.