Should I discuss our concerns with the teacher or just see what happens?

[SleepFreeZone]

I am at risk of being 'that parent'. My four year old currently goes to preschool and will be moving up to primary in September. They are trying to get him assessed for SEN but as yet the panel hasn't decided if they want to see him at this stage.

We were very happy with the primary but I'm now feeling wary. There are two brothers at preschool who are very bullish in their behaviour and at one stage they were going to another school. Now everything has changed at the older boy will be going to the same primary as my son and I have just found out will be in the same House.

This boy has been quite strong with his behaviour towards my son. I know at this age you can't call it bullying but im he is very determined to get in my sons face and won't leave him alone. As my son is very passive he just can't deal with him at all and this morning he was cowering away from him in front of me.

I just wondered whether I should be saying anything to the reception teacher before they start and simply say I'm a little concerned they will be forced together constantly. Or wait and see how the whole thing unfolds DVD only make a comment if my son explicitly tells me there is an issue?

Thank you.

Could you do some work on helping your child be more assertive. We've been practising our 'strong voices' and speaking up for ourselves. There are always going to be big/ rough etc children. I saw a thing about bullying and it said that most children have the same negative experiences with other children but it's how they react to it that marks them out as a 'victim' and potential future target. If they cry or have an noticeable reaction or if they cower away, they are likely to be targeted again. But get the teacher to keep an eye on things too.

If you don't say anything, they may end up sitting at the same table.

I would do both - work on your son's resilience as mentioned above and mention to the teacher in a brief 'there has been a couple of run ins between them in the past' kind of way.
Could you enrol your son into any extra curricular activities to build confidence? IE judo, beavers etc? That has done wonders for my shy, sensitive DS1's confidence in the past.

Also, speaking as a teacher I'd appreciate the heads up. It's always easier to manage social situations when you are aware of the background. Also if I knew of your son's difficulties socially I'd make efforts to ensure he was included etc. Honestly, you won't be 'that parent'.

Massively helpful, thank you.

He currently goes swimming, he will start Beavers when he is 6 and we go lots of play dates and stay behind after preschool to play the park with his friends.

He is a funny character (hence the possible SEN diagnosis). He is passive and yet can say no. He has also been described as a loner and yet enjoys playing with other children. I think the bullish child finds him frustrating more than anything as he seems to want my sons friendship but when he doesn't get the reaction he wants he gets more physical if that makes sense.

I'm going to see if a natural opportunity comes up to mention my concerns to his new teacher. There has only been one specific incident at preschool where my son was actually seen as one of the aggressors as he got caught up with the two brothers being aggressive to another child. It was a bit of a storm in a teacup but it did make me wary of what could come through association.

I would perhaps ask his teacher how he's getting on as you have been told previously he has had difficulties with friendships and go from there. I honestly would be pleased that you had told me, especially if your son is particularly vulnerable.
Perhaps you could teach your son some social scripts for play which he finds difficult or uncomfortable and practice them at home? Again, this is something I work with parents on so that there is consistency and can be reinforced by parents and teachers.
Good luck with getting support for your son