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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

help after 12 months my 4 yr old hates nursery- should I be worried

9 replies

georgesmum007 · 14/03/2007 19:01

My 4 yr old began nusery in Jan 2006- it was a big change for him and after a bumpy start he settled in and enjoyed it alot. It is 2.5 hour session every day and is the nursery attached to his future school.
This Jan, everything has changed- he cries when I leave him, he clings to my neck and screams do not leave him. This followed a couple of week long absences due to ill health and I expected to settle quickly once he was back into his routine. But 4 weeks on it is no better. The first thing he says when he wakes in the morning is 'I do not want to go to school'.
Both me and his dad have had chats to see if there is a problem but nothing comes out of them and we are trying not to make too big a deal out of this.
His teacher reckons its just a phase- but as it only took him 3 days to settle into nursery orginally- I am concerned that this is continuing.
Has anyone else experienced this type of thing- should I be worried that something at school has upset him? I have tried lots of things to help, we talk about what he is going to do, when I will fetch him- he is allowed to take a soft toy with him. I go into school one morning a week as a volunteer and I struggle to get him in the door then and I am with him.
Any comments suggestions would be great.

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SenoraPostrophe · 14/03/2007 19:05

ds has just been through a phase of this. I put it down to a delayed reaction to ds2's birth but I'm not sure (he's only 3, and says "because...don't want to go to nursery" when I ask him). He's better now and I still don't really know what the problem was.

But what does he say when you ask him? do you ask him who his friends are? has the list changed lately?

Original poster

georgesmum007 · 14/03/2007 19:29

Not sure it changes alot- it does seem that alot of his friends moved to reception in Jan and there are alot of new kids there. But his 'best friends' are still there with him. He says he just wants to be with me!!!!
I do know that one of his 'friends' is going thru an aggressive stage at the moment - which is being dealt with by the staff. But he has not been on the recieving end of any of this.

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TheodoresMummy · 14/03/2007 21:11

Aww, poor you and ur DS.

How is he once you have left him ? Does he settle ?

Original poster

georgesmum007 · 15/03/2007 09:36

I think he settles reasonably quickly- today it was just getting him over the door. He ran down the slope to the door with a friend in a race and then stopped dead-at the door and started to cry.

I beginning to think that it is just a separation thing again- I was worried that something had happened in nursery which had upset him but now I am not so sure. But it is hard to get a four year old to talk about what is going on- though to be honest from what I have heard it is hard to get children of any age to talk about school.

Thanks

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nogoes · 15/03/2007 09:52

My ds is going through the same phase at the moment he is only 2.7 but settled so well when he started in January that they actually said he was one of the most confident children they had ever had. For the last few sessions he has been exactly the same as your ds it is difficult I don't know what to suggest I am just hoping it will pass.

TheodoresMummy · 15/03/2007 21:07

What's he like when you pick him up ? Has it had an effect on his behaviour at home ?

If he settles quickly and is genuinely happy whilst he's there then I would carry on taking him, i'm sure he'll get past it.

Original poster

georgesmum007 · 15/03/2007 21:43

He seems very clingy at home and this week we have had major temper tantrums- which is very unlike him.
I am not sure what to think- we have also been advised recently that he needs speech therapy for indistinct speech and he seems to have some orthapedic problems as well- everything seems to be coming at the same time. May be I am just a bit tense because of these 'problems' and he is reacting to them????

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TheodoresMummy · 15/03/2007 22:45

Hmm, it does sounds like he is not happy about something (rather than trying it on like my DS lately). Don't mean to worry you, it may not be anything to do with nursery. Sounds a bit more likely that he is picking up on your stress levels and has a bit of seperation anxiety ? This is completely normal of course and NOT a criticism at all.

When I am stressed or preoccupied, my DS is very deliberately naughty and quite aggresive. I try to throw myself into things a bit - give him as much attention as I can, involve him in everything, lots of cuddling/tickling, etc. It may seem like I am pandering to him, but I think it makes him feel good and secure.

Is it poss to have him off nursery for a week for a bit of you and him fun time ? Actually the hols aren't too far off are they...

Hope i'm not out of line here.

Original poster

georgesmum007 · 16/03/2007 08:49

No- not out of line at all. I was beginning to wonder whether it was me stressing out that was the problem. I think that I will keep him going until the hols and then we will have some time together. I am worried that if he is trying it on (who knows???) that his tactic will have worked if I keep him off-sort of reinforcing his behaviour.
Its so hard to know what is best for them.
Thanks for your thoughts.
He has a red nose to keep him occupied today so we will see if that works.

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