Am I over-reacting?! (Sorry, bit long!!)

[Bomper]

DD2 (2yrs 10mths) has recently started at a local pre-school, today was her fifth session. After her third session, a helper there came up to me and said they were having trouble controlling dd, that sometimes she played well but other times didn't do as she was told (err she's 2!!), after her 4th session I was told that she hadn't made friends with anyone and only played alongside the other children (err she's 2!!!), and today I was told that they had to clip her fringe back as it was so long she couldn't see where she was going and kept bumping into things!! (Huh?! OK it does need a cut but that's a bit of an exaggeration!!). I am starting to feel really unhappy with the place, this is her first experience of this sort of environment and I think it is very early for them to start commenting on her behaviour as she is adjusting to being there.
It seems from others I have asked about this pre-school, mothers either love it or hate it. My neighbour said to me after I had accepted a place there, 'Oh, it's probably changed but when I went to check it out I thought it was horrible!!'. I am now seriously considering finding somewhere else for her. I am not the sort of mum who buries their head in the sand and refuses to see any wrong in their child, but I feel my dd is being unfairly treated. What do you think?

I am very happy with my dds pre-school and have heard the teacher call various parents in to talk about "appropriate behaviour" ie, running when asked to sit on the mat etc. I did think this a little odd but decided that they were talking to the parents, not just to make them aware of their childs behaviour, but to let them know that they had talked to the child about it. Kind of so that mum had been put in the picture when little Johnny says, "Miss told me off for running!"

But the telling you she hadn't made any friends is barmy and I can see why you're considering other pre-schools. What a silly thing to say. When I asked if my dd played with anyone, I was told "no" but that that was perfectly normal for their age.

I would talk to the person in charge and see how you feel about what they have to say.

If you're not happy, go elsewhere.

Also, how is your dd? Is she happy, that's the most important thing really.

DD seems to really enjoy it. I was so pleased at first, as she settled in straight away, no tears and clingyness like my other 2, and I thought, 'Oh great, no worries this time around'!!! Ha ha, couldn't have been more wrong could I?!

The 'no friends' thing is odd.
My ds is 2 as well and I certainly don't expect him to have mates (and as an saltI know a fair bit about development).

Sometimes daft things are said,but wait a bit and see if she likes it is my advice.

At my ds's nursery they tell me all sorts of outrageously judgemental things but I love them and so does ds so I laugh it off. Didn't at first though.Remember crying when they sneered at my cloth nappies.All water off a duck's back now though!

sounds a bit odd to me. DS1 didn't talk about friends at his pre school until he'd been there about 6 months and his was a nursery school so didn't start til 3 anyway.

If she's happy, I guess that's the main thing, but you have to be happy too!

I wouldn't be happy. dd is the same age and has been at her nursery for about 18 months but she moved into the 'big room' from the baby room in September. It was a shock to the system for her and she's only just now making friends, for the first term she played alongside other kids or played (quite happily) on her own. At no point did any of the staff say anything negative about this.

Like your dd we've also had incidents where dd won't do as she's told, the staff have told me about this but in a jokey fashion. Like you say, she's 2! it's to be expected.

My dd also has a long fringe and refuses to wear a hair clip, again, no mention of it from the staff.

In your position I wouldn't be pleased, especially after so few sessions.

Hmmm. They need to know about parallel play which is (after solitary play) what children of this age do in order to learn, they may not have the confidence/ lang skills to speak to or interact with the other children but they are learning and beginning to socialise by, say,playing in the sand tray NEXT to another child. Which is why children go home and when their parents say 'Who did you play with?' they child says 'No-one'!! The clip thing, ok, maybe, but they didn't really need to make an issue of it.

You said this was a helper. Do they have a keyworker system? you need to speak to her keyworker or the manager/leader and see what they have to say. IME nothing at all unusual for a 2 year old,especially one who has only just started...

Thank you for all your reassuring comments. Glad it's not just me being an over-protective mum!! Just been speaking to my mum about it who has just told me when she was waiting for me to come out of the playgroup last week, one of the other helpers shouted at a little boy who was running about and told him to 'Sit down or he'd get a smack on the bum'!! Not exactly appropriate for a childcare worker to say!!! Have put a few feelers out to the pre-school where my ds and dd1 went, it's a bit further to go, we have moved since then, and is more expensive, but ds and dd1 loved it, as did I, and they do have spaces. So, I have got options should I decide I really don't like it.

at your last post. Illegal, as well as bloody diabolical .

I would move her, personally. It would be worth the temporary disruption.

Bomper, children of this age don't play together - its a recognised fact and something that I thought woud be taught on a nursery nurse/childcare course. They play alongside each other. The playing together thing comes later. If you are not happy with the nursery and can find another alternative, it would probably be best to do so. You know your child best

would sorry