MAJOR worry about nursery - is it paranoia?!

[chr1ssy0908]

Our daughter is 2 years old. recently there have been a few things to knock her off kilter and make her behaviour change a little.

Firstly myself and hy husband are separated so she has been having to adjust to the new setup after having him around all of the time. Secondly she has just moved up to an older class in her nursery .

Now my concerns.....it took her a while to getting settle within nursery, but we got there eventually - however she has now moved up a class with slightly older children.

She now absolutely hates going to nursery again and absolutely bawls her eyes out and she is very much more clingy at home.

On Tuesday however when taking her to nursery she stated that she didn't want to go....no like man. I wasn't aware but it turns out that the owner/managers husband helps out sometimes within ehe classes.

This had me concerned but I came to the conclusion that I was getting paranoid.

But the same evening I was changing her nappy, and after cleaning her I had a quick examine down there to make sure she wasn't sore as she seems to be feeling sore when she goes to wee.

As I was having a look down there she chirped up with out of the blue, where mummys phone?

The phone was on silent, hadn't made an noises and she does not play with it when getting changed.

This has now caused me a great deal of concern and I really don't know what to do.

The element of doubt has now been put in my mind so no matter what else I do I am removing my daughter from that nursery....as I will always be wondering.

But IS it paranoia? Is it possible to broach this with staff or will they report it to the manager/owner as it is HER husband this involves?

If I decided to make it into a formal meeting addressing my concern WHO should I involve in the meeting?

Im not one of those that jump up and down at men who work in schools, nurseries, crèches etc.....it is nice to have both sexes working and if something untoward is going to happen it is just as likely to happen from a female.

I am just worried. Peoples thoughts and opinions would be appreciated. Like I said, regardless I'm pulling my daughter out, but is it paranoia or do I need to speak to someone?!

Just adding to say that she is never alone with any other man....not even the father. Not because I don't trust him, that's not the kind of reason we are separated, but literally due to the fact of his own personal living arrangements since he left made it impossible for him to have our daughter at the house share he is in at the moment!

I'm afraid I don't really understand.

What is the relevance of the phone?

My little boy told me that he got hit by a bus whilst at his childminders. I wouldn't worry too much about the phone. But if she seems very unhappy, and is consistent with telling you she doesn't like someone, I would move her. I have just done that with my son. They say odd things but consistent disliking of someone (sometimes we just don't like people) doesn't necessarily mean anything untoward but doesn't mean we shouldn't do something about it in my opinion.

Op is concerned that the owner's husband took a photo of her child while she was being changed.

she was moaning and fussing as I was changing her but as soon as I had a check down there she stopped and mentioned the phone.

I think the suggestion is it raises a question whether she's been photographed inappropriately?

How difficult as it seems an instinct or feeling of alarm rather than anything definite and important to remember this. But given it is such a sensitive subject I'm at loss what the correct response would be as it also could be a risk to ignore it - and like you even if there's the slightest shadow of concern I would remove my dd. Can you ask your DD why she asked about your phone? Or any other question that might set your mind at rest?

I only mean if remove her given she sounds unhappy anyway- did this for our DC just as didn't settle in!

am happy to be told it is paranoia btw, I am 99% sure it is......but I can not leave my child there now because I will always wonder. But imagine IF something came out later and I mentioned nothing......

Its what to do for the best....because Im 99% sure im paranoid im 99% sure that this person has done nothing wrong.

I don't know....I'm blabbing! :(

shes only 2 years old, and its now the following day.....I'm not sure she would understand the question if I asked her WHY she asked about the phone at this point.

Oh I'm so old (I don't think of phones as cameras, I still use film and develop my own photos ).

I think if you have made the decision to remove her then that's the right choice for you. I'd ask for a meeting anyway. You don't have to go in there with accusations but you can mention that your dd is unhappy and mention her comments re the man. It's a starting point and I do think an open discussion with them about why you're leaving should probably happen as a matter of course.

My DS has never been hit by a bus at nursery but they did lock him in a cupboard and feed him gruel last week.

Also the phone question might have nothing to do with 'the man'. She may always have her nappy changed by a woman. It's not unusual for children to be wary of strange men, as generally they're bigger and gruffer than women. Have a chat with her key worker about how she's settling into the new room and maybe raise her comment about 'the man'.

Not sure about the phone incident. May be a concern. Perhaps you could ask if it's always her key worker who changes her nappy? Maybe she was wriggling and was distracted by a "here, hold this phone". Might even have been a toy phone.

I think it's worth asking about their phone policy. There MAY have been a toy phone but no one working in a nursery should ever have a phone about their person, a complete safeguarding no no. And is the managers husband

Sorry posted too soon, does the manager's husband have a DBS he can't just 'help out occasionally.' If you feel uneasy I would make some inquires