My 3 yr old is not as social yet!

[kanzie21]

Hi Ladies,
I need some advice. We moved in Sep 2014 to the UK. My son was 2.5 yrs old then and I had put him in a nursery near my house. He was very unsettled there. He was communicative but was not very verbal (He is much better now at almost 3yrs). In his nursery, he was fine during structured play i.e. rhyme-time, coloring etc but was a little violent during unstructured play time (in a few occasions, he hit/ pushed another child). Apparently the parents of the children went ballistic and the nursery staff called me and said that something is wrong with my son and that he needs some assessment from GP to confirm that his developments are up to date.
He was excellent with his numbers, knew marine animals, farm animals, wild animals, letters, shapes, colors and even phonics at the age of 2.5. But he lacked some social skills - like how to wait for his turn, to be careful to not hurt anyone as he runs around and that it actually hurts if he bangs a toy on someone! He is quite hyper and loves running around! It is difficult to sit him down to teach him how to be social.
I pulled him out of the nursery as I thought he was not ready and also because I didn't want to be answerable to other parents, for my son hurting their child in my absence! I was extremely nervous! I have been working with my child at home in the meantime since Nov 2014 - taking him to playgroups etc. We don't know many people here and I cannot say that we have a strong social circle with whom my child is regularly playing with. He does copy other kids from a distance but he has not learnt to play with them yet.
Now we are moving area, to (Ewell East). As much as I am nervous to start him back in nursery, I realize that I cannot carry on like this. Do any of your children have similar traits? Has a nursery made a change in their lives? Are there any nurseries around Ewell East, that you recommend with qualified teachers who will teach him how to play alongside other children and just help him out a bit? My lack of information of the UK and its education system is also a stumbling point. Pls guide me. TIA!

• A very concerned mom.

I think that occasional hitting/pushing is very normal at 2 years old, my 2 year old attends nursery and I have seen the children in his group hit/push each other quite a few times, my son has on occasion been the child hitting and the child being hit. I have never been informed by the staff of any hitting/pushing incidences although I know they happen, the staff deal with it by saying we don't hit/push other people, and encouraging them to play nicely.

I think if the other child was hurt badly enough for their parents to be made aware then your child must have hurt them quite a lot.

Personally I would trust the nursery workers opinion as they see so many children, I'd suggest following up their advice and taking your dc to the gp, your gp may well say there is no problem but at least then you know.

Visit and speak to the nurseries. Burg my 2 have been on both ends of hitting / biting incidents at some point. My DS had been smacked a few times with a large toy etc - often by another boy who is settling in. I just expect the nursery to deal with it

Relax.
Children don't really play with each other by the time they are 3.
Some children are less sociable than most.

DS spent most of his first year at nursery playing by himself, although he started making friends towards the end of the year.
Then, in Reception he was part of a small group of boys and had a girl follower. :)

Now at 10 he is still fairly detached but is part of a nice group of boys at school and deals fairly well with new groups of children.

But nursery has a duty to deal with such behaviour. Find one that can deal with it and educate him to play alongside children.