preschool worker asked my child if she has a dad,and has upset my daughter.

[stepup]

My daughter came home from pre school today confused saying dose she need a dad after explaining how families are made of of people who love each other etc I asked why she asked and she told me a teacher asked her!!! I asked her more questions was a book being read about dads,were your friends talking about dads etc etc and she said no the teacher just asked! I have witnessed the teacher in question ask other children if they were sick when then have been off to see if a parent was telling the truth and ask another what a child other pre school was like as the child went to two and it is the pre school competior this was when I was helping at the preschool to get my child settled in so have witnessed that the teacher in question is nosy with nothing more than an interest in gossip about other parents going thou her head but did not think she would have the nerve to do it to my child when I have witnessed what she dose. Please help what should I do? Don't want to complain and it effect my child, but the preschool is really pushing my buttons as this is my second post tonight as my other post is asking for advice how they took my child out with out conset. Why should my daughter not have a pre school to go to when there a few bad apples that need sorting out,really feeling low please help? Xxxx

If you are not happy with the pre-school why send your child there?

Children don't need to go to pre-school. If the standard of care is as poor as you say from your two posts than take your DD out of it.

Why have you started two separate threads with your complaints about your pre-school? Surely it makes more sense to put them both in the same thread? Anyway my advice is the same. You are not happy with the nursery so you need to find an alternative.

Just so you are aware, it is fairly standard practice to gain an understanding of the child's home and who lives with them. I am a nursery teacher and our first termly topic is ALWAYS "All About Me", as it is in most nurseries, and it basically explores the child's family, friends, what they like and dislike, talk about pets etc. So I'm inclined right now to give the nursery the benefit of the doubt, as although I never ask "Do you have a dad", if the children were talking in a group with a key worker and dads were brought up by other children it could easily have come up that way. Normally we just ask "Who lives with you" and get the children to draw who lives with them.

If you are unhappy with this, when you drop your DD off today just say she came home confused and upset last night because apparently somebody asked her if she had a dad and now she thinks she needs one. Say you're really unhappy with this and would like an explanation, and hopefully you'll get one.

And as the previous poster has said, find another daycare if the one you're taking her to isn't up to scratch. Your child's emotional welfare comes first.

But surely every child had a dad?
Have you never broached this subject with your dd before?
It seems that now is the time
Like a pp says, it is the job of the worker to find out as much information about children as possible to meet their needs
Its also important from a safeguarding perspective that we know who lives in a child house
Like I said on the other thread,just take her out

Bit she does have a dad. It's basic biology. If he was a donor or now merely absent then you need to give her the tools to handle this.

I'm with the others, of course they can ask about a child's family. Our preschool do some lovely crafts on family and who's in your family, I love the stuff he brings back.

I think you're over reacting here. But, on your other thread about them not ignoring your request to not take her out on trips, you need to speak to them and remind them about your decision.

Is there not another preschool she can go to? You seem very anti it, so I don't understand why you're sending her there if it's sub standard?

Talking about families is a normal topic (and it is possible that the question was not as pointed as the way your DD related it, and even in blunt form, it was an enquiry not a lecture).

Asking a child about their illness on return is also normal (no need to catch parents out in a pre-school, they don't have the same attendance regs as schools), and indeed can be good practice.

Asking a child about what they do when not at the setting (including when that means being at another setting) is good conversation.

But it sounds as if you hate the place, and whatever they do will be wrong for you and your DD. I suggest you start arranging a move for her.

Look. You don't like or trust this nursery. It sounds as if you are making mountains out of molehills here simply because you don't like this carer or the setting. Nothing you have said here is out of the ordinary. If you are not happy, take her out. Complaining about this sort of conversation will get you nowhere.

Sorry I did it on two posts I only joined last night and thought that was what I was ment to. Thank you for posting back everyone. I love how your playgroup dose draw who you live with. Totally get they need to get to know your child and ask questions and I do hope I've over reacted,wish had been done thou art or group talks and not just my daughter asked why she was standing with two of her friends and only her asked. She doesn't see her dad as she doesn't like going there as he doesn't make much effort ir doesn't turn up so I bring her up you only need people who love you and I have a big family so she very loved and happy and never asks about her dad so it came about of the blue her asking dose she need one and I felt sad for her that was her concluetion from a question asked. I don't ever want my child to have a void in her life or feel she is missing out on somthing so really don't think I'm making a moutain out of a molehill to check in doing things right and people I let in her life are doing things right.xx

Glad you came back Stepup.

I understand where you're coming from... It's one worry after another with kids. And it's quite obvious you want the best for your little one. Could you talk one person at the preschool who you like, saying you're concerned about this conversation and you're worried about the effect on your little one with Daddy not being around. Or, if not, I do think you should speak to them about this 'trip' and how they've ignored your request not to take her..
I hope it all works out ok x

I think you need to speak to your child's teacher to find out the context of the discussion, rather than just assuming it was done just to gossip. I think you are over reacting.

I regularly ask children how they are, and what was wrong with them, if they have been away from nursery. Yes, sometimes it is to check whether the parent has told me the truth about the absence as we have a problem with parents bringing children back to nursery when they have recently been sick or had diarrhoea, thus spreading germs throughout the nursery. However, it's generally a way of showing interest in the child, and being interested in how they are feeling.

I also talk to children about other settings they attend, be they childminders or nurseries. It's yet another way of finding out about a child's interests, or things they enjoy doing in different places.

You sound ridiculously suspicious and determined to find fault with your dd's nursery so it sounds as though it would be better for you her to move to an alternative pre-school.

There's nothing you have reported that the adult said, or asked, that's out of order. Early Years Practitioners are supposed to engage children in conversation - that's a big part of what they do... language development. They also work on helping children to express how they feel - talking about being poorly is a part of this. Talking about families is a regular topic of conversation as it is 'immediate' for small children, who can often talk about people close to them more easily than something more theoretical, such as a book they are looking at. Staff will often related something they are talking about / another child has said / something in a book, to things children can relate to from their own experience - which, for most children, will be their families. It's a perfectly normal question which all dc will be asked, over time, by adults and other dc alike - it's not judgmental, it's just factual. You need to equip her with an answer you are both comfortable with.

I agree with others though - you've started 2 threads complaining about the pre-school, which (on the other thread) you said you sent her too, even though it was poor !?! If you feel it is poor, then don't send her. If you feel they are doing something dangerous, tell OFSTED (although I can't see what from these 2 threads). If there are issues (such as the talking her out when you asked not to, on the other thread), then go in and speak to them about it. Just so you know though, it doesn't sound to me like there is anything about the pre-school to be worried about - only going on what you've posted.