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2 year old says playgroup is bad, bad, bad???

8 replies

MetallicInk · 25/09/2014 17:51

My wee Niece has started going to a playgroup/nursery a few days a week while my sil is in college. But now my sil is getting upset because dn is breaking her heart getting left and once she's picked back up. Today she was completely sobbing and saying "bad, bad, bad".

Should we be worried or is this just dramatics? Also any tips for how to make this as stress free for the wee soul?

Thanks x

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Andcake · 25/09/2014 17:58

I would ask the play group about how she is? See if the response feels normal or seems to be hiding a bad set up. Also sil could ask to stay for a hour with dn to help. My ds is 2 and has just started 4 mornings a week - his language isn't fully formed but he genuinely seems excited to go!

VashtaNerada · 25/09/2014 18:05

It's hard to tell, when I ask DS what he did at nursery he says "I cried" and looks doleful. But I phone up at random times and he's always playing happily! I think he's just a bit of a drama llama.

morethanpotatoprints · 25/09/2014 18:12

Some children just don't like nurseries, none of mine did and coming from the school of thought as I do that children should not have to settle for something that makes them unhappy, they never went.

Have you considered a childminder or au pair so the dc can have 1 to 1 or at least fewer children and staff. It may be over whelming.

MillyMollyMama · 25/09/2014 18:14

I would start asking direct questions, and being very positive about the experience. See if she can articulate what she actually did. What was the story about? Who did she play with ? What was the best thing she did? Did anything make her laugh? Ask her about what she brings home, eg art work. What are her favourite toys and why? Ask her who her favourite nursery worker is and who helped her today? Be up beat. She might just be saying "bad" because something upset her at the last minute, but she was ok for the whole day. Speak to the staff to get a balanced view. A 2 year old is not particularly reliable! Also, if she has gone from being at home to long days she may be struggling a bit because the day is too long. Is she getting a decent nap? Is she over-tired when picked up? They nursery should help get you all through this.

cate16 · 27/09/2014 18:01

Speak to the staff. Trust me, children can be complete 'guilt trippers' if they choose to be :-)
The staff (experienced ones) can easily tell the difference between genuine distress and low level settling in upsets.
To be totally honest it's not in anyone's best interest to have an upset child in a setting. Apart from not being good for the child itself, a crying child will upset other children and can be very draining on staff.
We are TOTALLY honest with parents, and do ring to collect an upset/distressed child if necessary. We also offer to send photos/short video clips once the child has settled and happily playing.
As millymollymama said, the average 2yr old is not that reliable on timescales! Also keeping the questioning up-beat and more of a conversation than straight what/who/when. I've seen many a toddler going into melt down over complete interrogation questions

MetallicInk · 27/09/2014 18:07

Thank you for all your advice Smile I'm meeting up with sil tomorrow so will talk it all through with her. I kind of have the feeling dn could be a bit of a drama queen Wink

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teacherlikesapples · 05/10/2014 07:09

If your SIL spent her time researching the place- it has a good reputation, staff are well qualified & experienced, warm, happy & welcoming, if children & adults generally seem happy & busy (with each other) on arrival, and there is a variety of fun child-focused things to do and If she has a key person that she is happy to go to (and looks happy to see her- genuine warm greeting etc...) Then I would trust that, but keep an open mind about the child's concerns. As it could be related to a specific person, part of the day or equipment (e.g I know a child who hated our nursery because he couldn't use the tap in the bathroom independently)

If this is a new routine & the first time that she has been separated from her Mum, there is potential for a bit of attention seeking here. Especially if you SIL reacts in a very dramatic way when she tells her.

It's tough for kids to get used to new routines, especially if it means sharing with others for the first time, having to learn expectations (and be told no some times!)

I would advise your SIL to try and observe her child playing (without her child seeing her) and ask if the staff have any photos or videos of her child playing with the things that she enjoys (that she can take home)
Use these as a prompt to talk about what the child does enjoy.

Always listen & respond to the child's concerns, calmly acknowledge her feelings "You didn't enjoy nursery today?" So that she knows she can always tell her Mum anything, and try & figure out what aspect of it is it that upsets her, just try not to make the response to her concerns super emotional/dramatic. Also talk to her key person to get their perspective.

Good luck!

MetallicInk · 06/10/2014 00:03

Thank you teacher.

You've given me very good advice there. I think I'll show sil this thread.

Smile
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