Would you take your child out of preschool?

[Maxwell1212]

We pay for my child who is 2 to go to preschool. He has always been a bubbly character, he is very clever but lacks with speaking skills. This is the second term which my son will be attending preschool and I have to say I now have huge concerns about him going. Around 5 weeks ago I was told that they have concerns about his behavior. They told me he runs around in the sessions, laughs although things are not funny and in situations which are not funny and he does not give them eye contact, speech was also a issue. After this kicked off I asked could we do anything to help him, there reply was to stop doing flash cards with him which we were doing to improve his speech. That week we went to see our health visitor due to concerns however she had no concerns and she refereed us to the speech therapist to help with my sons speech. Since then. after picking up my son from preschool I have kept asking if they have had any concerns over him, they have not told me directly what the problems are and they have not told me directly any way I can help him. 2 weeks ago I was given a letter and they asked me to sign it to let some sort of co-ordinater in to watch my son - this co-ordinater is they type that watches children to see if they have any special need problems.
On Friday we went to see the speech therapist that said although my son's speech is not brilliant there are no "major" issues and he would not be on there books for long. I told her my concerns about the preschool and she said that their concerns were not right and there was nothing wrong with his behavior. She did say that my son was enthusiastic, clever and used eye contact. Today I went in and handed them in the form they asked me to sign, there was a comments section that I had left empty as I myself have very little concern, I was asked if they could fill the box in.... I told them to do as they wished.
On picking my son up this afternoon I decided I would ask what problems my son had, again they said he didn't concentrate, showed no eye contact and that my son keeps laughing. I questioned how they were helping my son overcome these problems and I was told "they were watching it", I then explained I was concerned as the health visitor and the speech therapist had little problems, yet they did. The women then got very aggressive with me and started questioning how long the health visitor and speech therapist had spent with him. As I walked out I was told tomorrow when he goes they want me to sit in and watch them do a 2 and a half year check on him as the health visitors no longer do this (they do as we went to my son's and I rang them up today to ask were the preschool meant to be doing them - they said no) I cant help but feel due to me questioning them they are now trying to cause me hassle. I want what is best for my son and I feel they are not giving me this. What would others do?

The preschool shouldn't be aggressive but they do have a point about the amount of time the health visitor and speech therapist would have spent with your ds.

The preschool will have seen him for several hours at a time and be in a good position to see how he interacts with others. The HV and speech therapist will have seen him for a short time and with no other children.

If the preschool have concerns then they have done the right thing in asking for outside help. If the person coming to see him (SENCO) doesn't agree with them, then that will be the end of the matter.

It sounds as though the relationship with the preschool has broken down so you might want to look elsewhere. However, I don't think they are necessarily doing anything wrong here.

The nursery do have to do a 2 yr check, it is a legal requirement. Your HV will still be doing them too but eventually they will merge and just nurseries will be doing them, if children attend a nursery. I would be concerned that your HV doesn't know this!
HV and speech therapists aren't really qualified to talk about your child's behaviour at pre-school. Pre-school staff will have spent much more time with him than either the HV or ST. I'm not sure what you want the pre-school staff to do, they've identified a few things they're concerned about, they've sought specialist help, they've kept you informed.

There is no benefit to them in causing you hassle. They have interacted with your son for far long than the HV and speech therapist, and they have also seen his interaction with other children. You have nothing to lose by accepting their help; hopefully all is well, but a bit of extra confirmation isn't going to hurt, surely?

Its possible that the nursery just isnt interesting him etc.
My DD at 1 cried and wandered around, didnt speak to carers or other kids, although she could.
I took her out and she was fine - quite naughty but fine.
I cant see the issue with flashcards they can only help.
It could just be too much going on for him so he doesnt calm down.

They will have spent a lot of time with him though. Just wait see what specialist says

A child running around at pre school, whatever next.
OP get him out of there, they know nothing of your son and sound completely incompetent.
You can do better yourself, obviously this depends if you have the ime though.
My dc never went to pre school and even dd with learning difficulties including speech, could read before school.
Good luck OP.

The preschool are acting in the best interests of your son.
If they have concerns then they really are the best professionals to have on your side.
They do have to do a 2 year check by law and they have to identify those children which need extra support. They are not doing it to be difficult or to annoy you but because they have concerns about your dbs and can offer help and support.
I agree that flash cards ate not the greatest tool in speech development
I don't think the preschool sound incompetent. They sound on the ball to me.
If you don't understand then just keep asking. And don't be so defensive. They are not trying to coach you out as being a bad parent but are trying to help.
They really are in a position to help. Although you know your dbs beat they will have had Yeats of experience between them and gave a very good understanding of child development
Its what they so. All day, every day

If I told you that the community SALT (Speech therapist) told me I was neurotic and there was nothing wrong with my dd six weeks before a paediatrician (following a multi disciplinary assessment) diagnosed her with autism then you might feel it worthwhile letting the pre school act on their concerns.
Having two dc with autism I can see why they might be concerned. At two being able to read flashcards but not really talking isn't really typical development. My ds could also read but couldn't talk.
You won't alter anything by refusing to allow your child to be observed but you could stop him getting any extra support that the pre school might be able to give or secure for him.
Try and trust them, they want to help even if they seem a bit lacking in sensitivity.

Agree with everyone else. Long before you got to that bit in your OP, I was replying in my head that neither the SaLT or the HV have observed him over time, in a Nursery environment, so how can they pass judgement on his behaviour after a short time in what - to him - is an alien environment ?

The Nursery are obliged to do assessments of all 2yr olds - that is done for every child, not something they are doing just because they are worried about some of your ds's behaviours.

It's surely good that they are inviting in their Area SENCo / Inclusion Officer for further advice, if they have concerns.

The staff at Nursery work with dc your son's age, day in, day out, year after year. If they are saying some things he does are unusual, then I'd listen to them. No, they can't diagnose anything, but they have to mention concerns to you and they are supposed to suggest referrals for deeper assessments if they feel that is the best course of action.

I'm not sure asking you how long the SaLT or HV spent with him, is "getting aggressive" but obv I wasn't there. However, it's much easier for them to just plod along and not raise concerns with parents - why on earth would they want to "cause anyone hassle"? . They are doing their job properly, by raising concerns with you.

What I would do is ask them if the person has been in, and what she suggested / advised, then try to work out a plan together of strategies they could use to try to help him become more settled at Nursery.

I think that the nursery are concerned about possible developmental problems, e.g., autistic spectrum disorders.

If there is something up, then it is much better for your son to get help sooner rather than later. Lack of eye contact and inappropriate social responses eg laughing should be investigated further. I appreciate you are shocked by nursery's concerns but if I were you I would let them do what they need to do re assessment and possible referrals.

Laughing completely out of context I meant to say.. sorry

The speech thing may be something or nothing; if you speak another language at home speech can be slightly delayed.