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Part 'playground politics', part relationships: WWYD?

5 replies

MolotovBomb · 14/09/2012 10:02

Hello all,

I hope I've posted in the right place - I think this could fit into the relationships board too, so it's there aswell.

Okay, so a bit of backstory for context: DH, DD1 and I moved to a village in February 2011. I'm a pleasant neighbour, but I have a busy social life and am not in much (also had DD2 this April so my hands are full!) whereas other neighbours in the road tend to have coffee together, etc. One of our neighbours is a woman in her mid 20s named 'N' (I'm late 20s). N has 2 daughters, her eldest is the same age a mine and they now go nursery together.

Now, N isn't a person who I would make friends with under normal circumstances. We're different to eachother in many ways. However, I think it's good to make an effort particularly as our daughters play together.

On Tuesday morning (day 2 of nursery), I bumped into N and her daughter outside our house. The outcome of the conversation was that they were walking to school, too: I said 'I'll come with you if you like' (good for my DD as she's a bit wobbly with starting nursery). N said that she was meeting her friend (with a child in the same nursery class) that they'd be going about 8:30 and to come along.

I got out of my house at 8:33 and they'd gone. They didn't call to see how long I'd be; they just buggered off.

I thought that was very rude, vented to a friend, then carried on as normal saying 'hello' and chatting to N later at the school gates.

This morning, my DDs and I are walking to school and, unbeknown to me, N's friend had been walking behind us with N's daughter. I heard the little one's name mentioned and I turned around and said 'oh! Thought I heard your name!' When I turned again, I saw N waiting her for friend and the children a little way ahead. She must have seen me, I mean, her mate walked around me. N COMPLETELY blanked me; they didn't wait and walked on pigs

It got me mad. I slowed down a bit and fiddled with my hair so I wasn't trailing behind them. Fortunately, I saw friendly faces and was able to join them on the last leg to school. I got to the playground and ignored N, although my DD went over and played with her DD.

The thing is that N talks to me when this friend of hers isn't there. She makes a beeline for me if she's on her own. And I'm sometimes on my own, so it's awkward to not speak.

I don't want to be their friend and walk to school with them. But, I'm stuck as to how to handle them ignoring me. I was treated like this in my own school days an it gives me butterflies a bit. It makes me feel angry and stupid, and I'm irritated by their bad manners and rudeness.

What would you do, folks?

TIA x

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Oblomov · 14/09/2012 18:11

N is really not that nice, is she? Neither is the other woman.
Let this go. Wait till you get to primary !!
Just be pleasant and chatty when talked to. But underneath, you have to remind yourself that they are suprerficaul and nasty.
I totally feel for you because i have had simialr. But in hindsight, in a few years, you will look back at this for what it is, and will not be so hurt.
WYALB

MolotovBomb · 14/09/2012 19:52

Thanks Oblomov what you've said is really useful. Your 'wait til you get to primary' comment: do women get more 'cliquey' as the school years go by?

And, what does WYALB mean? I looked at acronyms but couldn't find it :(

Thanks again x

OP posts:
maybenow · 14/09/2012 19:58

I am not very confrontational but I think even I would call N on it gently when I next saw her - If she came up to me I'd say something with a smile like 'i'm fine, how are you? I saw you were walking home yesterday with [other friend] but you didn't stop, were you in a rush?'
or 'oh hello, i thought i'd done something to offend you when you walked right by me the other day?'
I'd only do this once though, so she'll know you've noticed. If she doesn't change her two-sided behaviour then i'd stick to a smile and a nod and walk past when you see her.

Oblomov · 14/09/2012 21:30

Primary is even more cliquey. But what I meant was that you learn to just let it all go, let it ALL go. WishYouAllTheBest.

MolotovBomb · 15/09/2012 07:48

Ah, thank-you, that's lovely xx

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