DD not settling in pre-school. What to do?

[unravellingthemystery]

DD2 is 3.9 and started pre-school a couple of weeks ago. She went in no problem for the first few days and then we had a weekend. After the weekend she went for the first morning but was tearful for most of the time she was there.
I spoke to the manager and she suggested doing a 'settling in' which meant I stayed with dd for an hour the next day and then took her away. The next day I left her (she cried at first) but stayed for 1.5 hours as arranged.
Unfortunately she then came down with a bug - high temp and cough and missed a few days.
She has not settled this week at all. She likes the teachers and has made a friend but she is insistent on my staying there with her.
I am not sure how to proceed from here. The manager has suggested leaving her for an hour tomorrow (I stayed with her for an hour today, then popped out to the car for twenty minutes in which time she looked for me and cried)
She is a quite child, I am a SAHM and up til now she has not been in any sort of childcare. We don't have family locally so she is not used to staying with anyone else.
I think she will enjoy it once she settles in but I hate upsetting her.

Any suggestions on what to do?

Should I be firm and walk away leaving her to cry with the teacher - they are not keen on this at the school and neither am I.

Should I consider removing her for a few weeks to make a clean break and start again after mid-term?

Thanks

Just keep doing what you are doing, taking her staying for a bit, playing and having fun, then leaving her. When you pick her up lots of positivity and smiles, not overly consoling iyswim. She will settle, DS1 now 10 took about 7-8 weeks, good and bad days, but eventually all good. DS2 was like a duck to water, all different, does not mean a thing. I would not stop now and start again in a few weeks, as you may be in the same position again. What does she really like playing with? Can the staff focus on that to distract and engage her?

It's tough and upsetting, but you are doing her no harm. It's all new, like us starting a new job, time will settle her and she will be skipping in happy as larry before you know it without giving you a second look!

I would definitely persevere for a while longer.

My DS struggled with settling at various nurseries. I believe the fact that I took him out when he appeared 'unhappy' meant that he realised crying got him what he wanted - does that make sense?

It's very early days if she hasn't ever been in day care before.

Thanks for the replies.
We had a much better day today. She was happy going in but when I said I was going for a while she cried. The teacher came and got her and then went to do an activity. I waited around for a while outside but the teacher called to say she was fine.
She ended up staying for the morning and enjoyed it all.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

Hello all, I am interested in this as my DD is in a similar situation. She is 3.7yo and started nursery last week. She was particularly difficult today; cried her eyes out and screamed the place down as I was leaving.

I've been advised by her teachers to take her in tomorrow and just walk away even if she's crying. Is this the best thing to do?

I too am predominantly a SAHM and had another DD this April by ELCS and so was in hospital for 2 nights. This upset DD1 and she's been a bit iffy being away from me ever since (more than before).

Sorry to hijack, OP. It just seems silly to do my own thread when this is almost identical x

Molotov No worries about joining the thread.

I think that walking away today worked better than lingering on, trying to cheer her up. She roared for about a minute I would say and then stopped crying completely and was cheerful for the rest of the session.

When I stayed with her she couldn't relax and kept checking where I was whereas once I left completely she settled in and had fun.

I think it is better to say a brisk goodbye though rather than trying to smeak out while she is distracted.

Best of luck.

From experience with my DS and what the staff at his nursery say to new parents (he started at 9 months and is 3.9) is that walking away is definitely best way as kids always play up more when their parents are around. Staying with your DC just lets then know that crying and making a fuss will get them their own way and staying with them for different amounts of time will confuse them and can upset other children too as they miss their parents.

There will be tears and tantrums for the first few weeks - the pre-school should be able to handle them.

It's just that they're still so young at 3-and-a-half! It goes against every instinct in you to leave them screaming blue murder crying. But I know that the reasons for leaving her to cry are perfectly logical; reasonable, and it's what we must to.

Tomorrow will be difficult again, I think. But I'm just going to have to buck every instinct and walk away.

Thanks to you, OP, and best of luck to you and your DD x

It is hard to leave them crying - the ammount of times I've burst into tears once the nursery doors had closed cos DS was crying..... But it's worth it when you go to pick up and see your DC happy and chatting about the great day they've had. Trust me, soon your DC will be crying because they don't want to leave pre-school!! Lol

Oh, Pro, I do hope so! Thank-you for your encouraging words x

No probs.

The staff at my DS's nursery and also some of the mums say that it's usually actually harder for the patent to leave its just that we're better at hiding it whereas our kids make a fuss.

Wishing you all the best.

We had a similar situation with our DD1- first attempt at nursery age 3 was a total disaster- distraught child, unsympathetic staff who never let me even enter the nursery. We just stopped taking her after about 8 weeks. Left nursery altogether for a year and then tried again and it was much less dramatic- she was unsettled and clingy when with us, but not as upset as we left. Six weeks on however we had such a withdrawn, teary child who wet the bed and had tantrums frequently that we stopped taking her altogether. We decided there and then to Home Ed and haven't looked back. I'm not attempting to persuade you to do this- I'm fully aware that it isn't possible or desirable for most families, but we love it. I do think it becomes much easier for children to be left as they get older, so just stopping for six months and then trying again might just work wonders- they develop so fast at this age. Every nursery setting is different too- I couldn't believe in hindsight how archaic the practices at our first nursery were compared to the second.