Preschool has informed my DS2 is Violent

[ChocolateTeacup]

Hiya (also posted in behaviour)

Looking for advice, my DS2 has attended the same preschool since he was 2.9 it is next to the infant school and has quite strong links with the infant school.

I went in to speak about an incident where another boy had pushed my DS2 over and caused a large graze on his back that I hadn't been told of, when I was speaking to a member of staff she said well DS2 can be violent.

I made an appointment to speak to his key-worker, as I had never heard this coming from preschool before, as far as I knew up to this point he mostly behaved himself but was a typical boy

Upon speaking to his Key-worker, I find out him and his two best friends who he is very dependant on (asks if they will be there before he goes to sleep and can get hysterical if they are not there) when playing games tend to get very rough and violent (again such a strong shocking word) that my DS2 when separated from them can concentrate and engage well but seeks out and is aggressive when he is in that pack, also to make me feel worse, there is another boy who has joined in with that group who is now also joining in with these aggressive games (Fighting & Pushing)

I am at a lost and kind of switching between feeling cross and upset that I didn't know anything like this was going on and also, I really don't want my DS2 to be labelled at infant school when he hasn't had the chance to start yet.

How should I tackle this behaviour? He goes to preschool 4 mornings a week 2 of which both of the boys are there 2 of them just one boy is there

My first thought when reading this was: surely adults are around and they should put a stop to this fighting and pushing in the first place, or else they are not really doing their job.
My expectations from my dd's preschool is that they would tell me the first time an incident like takes place. Here it seems that they have told you because you have gone and talked to them.
Regarding your son's mark on his back. If the school was aware of it it should have gone into their books and again you should have been told about it.
In my dd preschool one little boy started biting others (mostly because he had a new baby sister and went through a bit of a jealous phase). The school told the mother the time he did it, then explained what steps they were taking to deal with it.

I am not sure it is your son's behaviour that needs tackling during pre-school time. After all 3 or 4 year olds (I couldn't work out how old your son is now) do go through periods of aggressivity/insecurity etc but the adults around them need to know how to deal with them and set boundaries instead of just blaming the children and labelling them. I find that quite worrying really. Have you talked to your son to see what he says? I think you need to talk to the pre-school again and establish how the fighting/pushing starts and how they have dealt with it/are planning to deal with it.
You say some of the boys are his best friends. Is there any sign of 'violent' behaviour when they are out of school?

Violent....i would be very concerned that they allow and do not report this behaviour to parents.

If my children were behaving violently towards one another they would be disciplined accordingly.

I would be removing my child and contacting ofsted. Sounds like they are nurturing this.

Sorry my ds2 is 4 going to school in September, I did ask him about it and his version is either that they were playing games, or that X hit/pushed me first which both of which for separate incidents I can believe as he does stand up for himself unfortunately, but it takes a lot to push him as his first reaction at home anyway is to tell but there was one incident a few months ago when he was with his dad told his dad DS1 did something and as his dad didn't deal with it he hit DS1 (his dads words not ds2's)

Outside of school they have come round before, and they have played together really nicely really great imaginative play

Its why I am so confused I have not seen this behaviour particularly myself

Agree with the other comment I would put in a formal complaint and also report to OFSTED. It is not acceptable for a pre-school to a/not report behaviour like to the parents b/not deal with behaviour and let it get out of hand. Sounds like they either don't care /don't know what to do / or even worse encourage it.
Worse still they are blaming the children for sth that is their responsibility. They are paid to look after them, ie make sure they evolve in a safe environment which clearly isn't really happening as children seem to be left to sort out their disagreements without adult intervention.
In addition your son got a large graze on his back which you weren't told about. Sometimes this might be covered by clothing so maybe not noticeable if the child doesn't complain, but really if they let the children fight sth worse could happen eg: gash to the head if they push each other etc ...
I would go back to them and make it clear that you expect them to do sth. Ask to see the head/manager to report it formally and see what happens.

Sounds like because you went and complained about your sons back. They are trying to cover themselves and find something wrong with your son. Surely violent behaviour at this age should be nipped in the bud before it starts if there were watching them properly. Boys will be boys and will fight with each other think violent is a strong word to use on this age child anyway.