Sad October-born child....

[RubyGates]

Is losing all his friends to reception classes. His nursery is busy preparing the children for starting big school and he just doesn't understand why he isn't going too.

He has been in his class since the beginning of the last school year as he was more than ready to leave the toddler room by then, so he will have completed a full academic year there. I think the teachers may have forgotten that he is NOT going this year, and got him all excited about a transition that is not going to happen.

He is at least as academically ready to leave his present setting as the children who are old enough (he is very bright), but how do I explain to him that because of his birthday, he has another year in his current class?

He talks about being "big" , and is clearly very, distressed and frustrated by what is about to happen. His behaviour is suffering because of his frustration. I understand the reasons for his behaviour, but it is unacceptable. How on earth do I resolve the situation?

I think you need to work with the nursery on this one, it sounds like he needs a role or two in order to assert his 'bigness'.

There will be new littler ones coming into the room in September I would have thought so maybe he can be a buddy to them or have a monitor role with the snack - whatever best suits his personality really.

I had pretty much same problem. My September born dd was more than ready for "big school" with all her friends but unfortunately due to her birth date was stuck in a pre school for that extra yr :( led to some very negative behavior as a result of sheer boredom and frustration. Unfortunately no real advice to offer but you have my sincere sympathy op I know it is soooooo hard to have to watch when you know that they are ready for so much more :( in the flip side though I do believe my dd has benefited from being the amongst the oldest in her class and there is still stuff you can do at home :)

Awwww, bless him. How do you feel about him staying where he is for another year? Are you ok about it? Do you feel he should be somewhere else? I only ask as they take their cues from us as well as from the environment around (eg peers going to big school etc).

Sounds like the nursery need to find a role for him as others have said. But maybe you could find some things he can do this year as well before going to school. Actually the flip side is that it is fantastic to have another year of freedom from the school year/ structure that big school entails. It's funny, when DS (October too) had another year to go I felt similar to you, in that it seemed strange he had a whole extra year at nursery, he seemed so ready to start school. But now he's had the benefit of that year and almost finished Reception now I am so pleased he is Autumn born and didn't have to start any earlier. Same with DD- she is November and will have one more year now before school. She is also very bright, but there is absolutely no harm, and every benefit in having another year to play, develop, discover the world, gain confidence, improve speech, physical capabilites etc etc.

Thank you for all your answers
I agree that I need to work with the nursery (I am based in the school he attends so I am already talking to his teachers on an informal basis).

And of course, that is part of the problem, because it's so convenient and I do have such a good relationship with the staff that I would find it very hard to move him.

I'm an early September baby, and remember very clearly how awful I found always being the oldest in the year. I was bored and bright and wasn't ever given the attention I needed because I seemed to be doing OK on my own. By secondary school I was barely working at all because I didn't need to and I don't want the same to happen to him.

We are considering cutting down his hours (OH works from home/ I only work 23 hours a week) so that we can work with him to prevent that boredom and ennui from setting in.

I have an October born DD who is making a fuss each morning as she wants to go to the school her big brother goes to. I feel she is bright, articulate, bilingual, sociable and seems to cope with anything.

I send her to the preschool attached to the school 2 mornings per week as I feel, epecially as she gets nearer 4, she will not be stimulated enough there. They just potter around for 3 hours, really.

The other days me or DP do stuff with her she enjoys. We go to museums, the local castle where she pretends to be the queen, we talk about all sorts of stuff we come across, swimming, she loves stories and fairy tales, playgrounds, playdates, we bake, cook, she loves playdough ...

She is desperate to go to school, but I am glad I don't have to send her to school yet. I feel she is not ready, she still needs to learn at her own pace and stuff she is interested in. That may include reading in the next year or it may not - she is my guide.

Im in the same boat, oct born, starting to read...asking daily how many days until i go to big school!!

We do more at home, games and reading are a big hit. Orchard games are fab.

Pre school should be able to challenge a bit more. Ours is fab, lots of letters and numbers. Some great themes and topics.

yeah, Orchard games- we have a lot and DD (November 08) is pretty competent alongside her bruv (October 06). I talk a lot to DD, take her out, play games. No reading yet, but talk about letters and numbers, she's prob better at numbers at the moment. She is fab at "spot the difference"- very quick indeed and she plays well with other children. Do I wish she was starting school. No, no and No!!!! I am glad she is swapping to the school nursery in September which is a very stimulating environment. What do I value the most for her at the moment? Her imagination, her sense of fun, her wonder at the world, the time she has to water the plants, to play with random things like a pile of coins for what seems like hours to a grown up, her singing, her playing with her older brother, etc etc....

Oh, yes and ballet is a great hit at the moment! She does lessons, we watch ballet films together, she wears her little costume and shoes constantly, dances all day and pretends to be a great ballerina - lovely age!! I would hate to send her to school right now.

She may be desperate to go but she just has some image in her mind of what it will be like. She knows there is a play kitchen and a shop there to play with and she likes how all the children sit to listen to stories.

She is quite good with most of the pre-reading skills, is sometimes interested in letters and numbers and tries to write them - but I do not think she would florish the same way in a more formal environment. At that age they just want to do what they want to do.

Hi, I have a similar problem with my september born DD... although i fear she may become bored in the next year, i think she could do with some time to adjust to the idea of listening when she is spoken to and doing what she is asked .

I am really, really worried about the fact that all of the children she talks about at pre-school are leaving, she has already told me she is worried about one particular friend going (I know that they have been talking about it all). Like you OP, it is very difficult to get across that she will have to wait another year, while all her friends have gone to other schools.

We went to a party for one of the children and I realised that literally all of them were leaving apart from DD (she is at a private pre-chool setting and the kids that are the same school age are going to a state nursery in town - not an option for us for various reasons).

I know that practically we don't have any option but to leave her where she is, but I am worried for her.