3.5yr old not holding pen properly or interested in writing.

[choceyes]

My 3.5yr old DS can't hold his pen/pencil properly, holds it really akwardly (my 21 month old DD can hold it perfectly!), which makes writing difficult for him, so he doesn't like doing that. When I try to show him how to hold properly, he tries once, still doesn't quite get it, then gets frustrated and doesn't want to try anymore.

I buy the Cbeebies magazine for him sometimes and encourage him to do things like tick a box or circle the right answer type of thing, but he doesn't want to, saying he can't do it. I try to hold the pencil in this hand in the right why and guide him to draw a tick or a circle, and he does it then, but won't try a second time.

I don't even know whether he is left handed or right handed. As he never writes or draws for long enough at home.

Is this a problem? What can we do about it? He goes to nursery 3 days a week and there they say he does do some writing, but haven't mentioned his akward pencil hold. I keep meaning to ask then.

he's still very little tbh, my ds didn't attempt to write (at least not at home) or read or know his letters until he started reception (age 4 years 10 months) he is now at the end of his reception year, writing beautifuly, he can read at a yr 1 level, does phonics with the top set of yr 1s and does a lot of independant spelling/writing. He just wasn't interested until he went to school.

I wouldn't panic tbh, as i say, your ds is still very small and should pick this stuff up in time!

My 3.6yr old DGS is just the same. I think girls (on the whole) 'get' writing skills a lot earlier than boys. A colleague's 3.2yr old DD already writes her name and apparently teaches other kids at nursery how to write her name too! My DGS is happy drawing his initial 'H', or a circle, and recognises a couple of other letters too. He is still using whichever hand he happened to pick the pencil up with, and doesn't have what I would call a 'proper' pencil grip yet.

I am NOT worried. He is developing other skills at this time, and the writing one will come :)

Erm ...3.5 and not holding a pen(cil) properly?

While I am very very keen on academic excellence and academic achievement I really don't think I though DSs should do anything with a pen(cil) at that age other than hold it somehow and make a mark.

Your DS will not know if he is 'left' or 'right' yet either. Please back off a little on this one or you will put him off and then you will have a mountain to climb.

DS2 who is a now left hander was never a keen writer but now age 10 he is really improving and TBH his art is and always has been brilliant.

thanks for the replies.

I didn't know if it was a problem or not, so that's why I asked. It's just that his sister who is 21 months can hold a pen(cil) beautifully and draw and a few children in DS's class can write their names and draw stick people etc what got me worried. Also my mum saying that at a similar age I was writing simple words and that seems a world away from what DS can do (although I don't know how accurate my mum's memory is ofcourse!).

OK I will not worry about it again anytime soon. I was thinking of getting him one of those standing easels. It might encourage him to hold the chalk and draw, which might be easier than pen and paper.

Relax! He is still very young & this is all completely normal. All you really need to be doing now is avoid making a big deal of it or putting pressure on him. We want him to be motivated to learn these skills. He will not want to do it if he is anxious about "not doing it right". Keep it light, fun and exploratory. Learning (of all things) at this age happens through best through play.

If you are able to get access to the EYFS (that his nursery will be assessing him against) you will see that the expectation for this age with handwriting is that he will have an understanding that "some of his marks have meaning". A perfect pencil grip is not necessary yet.

Here are some things you can do to work on the skills:

• activities that improve dexterity & fine motor skill e.g playdough, lego, threading, doing up his own buttons, feeding himself using a knife & fork (use your hand over his initially to demonstrate)

Mark making should be exciting, for boys often it needs to have importance and purpose (helping you with a job):

• Get him a notepad, and one for you as well. Sit together and write shopping lists for things to buy at the shop (whatever marks he makes is fine)
• Say things like "Ok this is really important I need to make a sign to tell everyone in the house that we have run out of orange juice! Eek this is a massive problem can you help me???"

I agree with all of the above- he's really young yet. Mark-making needn't be restricted to actually using writing implements- try using a stick in mud or a finger in sand or finger paints. Try making a straight road in sand for his cars, then a wiggly one, then one of zig-zags. If you have access to an iPad the drawing programmes are great too.

My DS didn't hold a pen properly when he started R at 4 and 4 months, wasn't interested at all, he didn't draw, let alone write.

By Xmas you couldn't stop him drawing Xmas trees and making cards holding the pen properly.

He is now 7 and does what everyone else does.

So, don't worry!

He is very young!
If you want to aid writing make some play dough to strengthen his fingers - it all helps with writing! Play dough isn't just put out for fun at school/ nursery.
Don't rush him he will do it when he is ready.
Play is more important at his age.

Don't worry, perfectly normal, I second the ideas above.

Also try letting him paint with a brush and water outside, threading pasta, chalking on the patio. Let him 'write' for fun, any marks on paper. DS1 currently writes letters for random people (like the swimming pool receptionist) which I do take in to them when we go. It helps him to understand print carries meaning, that his marks mean something and helps confidence. One thing I have noticed with reluctant 'writers' is that they like to use a white board and pen, there is no chance of failure then, they can draw away and rub out (they seem to love this bit the most)

my ds holds crayons in a palmer grasp or an immature grip he is 3.6yrs, i just sit with him drawing round our hands or feet to try and encourage him to do mine then

dont attempt to correct him just give him the crayons and a colouring book and let him hold it how he wants for now, also the shorter the crayon the better, it tends to make them hold it in a better position...

Try: using chalk and writing/drawing pictures outside on the pavement,
painting and getting him to hold the paint brush correctly (like a pencil)
make sure when he uses a spoon when eating he holds it properly

You could try a reward chart system where he gets a sticker for holding his pencil properly and drawing two circles/squares each day. To begin with since he doesn't enjoy it only do this activity for a minute or two. Slowly he will begin to enjoy it and want to do more.

It always helps if you're all doing the same activity -so your DD DS and you are all colouring/painting/drawing on the pavement together.

Remember no one likes to do something where they are constantly being told they are doing it wrong.

hope this helps.