how much do you socialise with other children/parents at nursery?

[eeky]

Wondering about this today. DD (almost 4y) and ds (2y) attend the same nursery 3 days a week. I work an awful lot of hours which are unpredictable and dh not working at the minute, so we share the drop-offs/pick-ups. I only know one woman and her son (same age as dd) who we first met at postnatal group, and see them occasionally at weekends to go to the park etc. Dh and I are both pretty quiet, private people, but we do the polite nodding thing to other parents and say hi to other children etc. DD is pretty sensitive but nursery has really helped her confidence - ds was confident from the start! Both seem to join in and love it there.

We neither have the time, or, frankly the inclination at this age to be arranging playdates, etc. I think, for their age, the dc's get a good variety of nursery, playing in park/walks, shopping, visiting relatives and chilling days at home and in garden. I am aware that we don't have the most lively social life, but suits us. Not helped by us in middle of old house renovation, so not fit to invite other children back to.

I was a bit upset today to hear the one mum I know talking to another parent and them jokingly complaining about the number of birthday parties their dc's had been invited to over the next few weeks (at least 5-6). DD has only ever been invited to one party at nursery (ds of this mum). I had not really thought about it till now, but feel a bit upset on her behalf, although I realise am probably overreacting. Dh thinks I am mad for even considering this a problem.

What do you all do at this age? I was hoping to avoid competitive parties and playdates until school age...

We moved in the summer and DC 4.3 has been attending a local pre-school, have yet to meet any of the other parents, however have one of the children coming with their mum for a cup of tea next week as we have spent weeks listening to all about "W this ... and W that.. ."

Before we moved we only knew 1 family from DC's pre-school and we would see this family everyday at drop offs/pick ups and did at least 1 playdate a week with them - they are now very good friends of ours.

Oh and to make these friends I put a note in the children's nursery bag saying who we were and would they like to come for coffee - leaving it up to them as to whether they come, and what date suits etc :)

i dont understand, if you dont have the inclination then why do you care?

I don't know! Feel that maybe I should make more of an effort to socialise outside nursery maybe - difficult as most of the other parents do weekday 9-5 jobs, I think - I am often working weekend days or nights. Just wanted some thoughts on what others do.

Don't worry about it.

Don't worry, come September (Reception) you will think yourself mad for worrying, can't see the fridge for invitation's!!!

Not at all, but then DS1 (DS2 starts in a few months) attend the nursery i manage and that makes it a bit difficult. He did get one birthday party invite this year though.

very little

It might be that the parents of these birthday party children know each other already from previous playgroups/NCT groups etc?

DS hasn't had any birthday party invites so far from new nursery friends this year either - just from people that we know already. My friends more than his iyswim?

I think the inviting classmates kicks in at primary school.

Birthday party invites here only started once they got to school.
I never 'socialised' with other parents who happend to use the same childcare I did, nor did I go out of my way to mix with other people who use the same supermarket or Doctors or Library or any other service I use. Nod, and smile, and make some comment about the weather, but there's not need to try to socialise with them unless you are without a social life or perhaps just moved into the area and wanting to try to get new people.

very little, mainly the parents who are at pick-up the same time.

I'm on the preschool (and toddlers) committee (such a joiner!!) so know quite a few of the parents but I tend not to do playdates as tbh I'm just too lazy. DDs are 16 months apart so I figure they can play together when not at school/toddlers/preschool. With the parties, DD1 is in reception and has only been invited to about 2 since September. She's quite a quiet shy girl and I think she just doesn't register with the other kids when they're thinking who to invite iykwim? I try not to worry about it as she clearly doesn't know or care, she's finding her way in school fine (comes home and says she's been playing with so and so). Also at this age children seem to be dropped off at parties and left and I think she'd hate that so I don't want to push her towards something she'd rather not do. (She was invited to a party at a friends house, the mum said I didn't have to stay but DD wanted me to so I said I would. In the end she didn't go as she was utterly vile the morning before but that's another story).

I wouldn't worry about it at all though.

My DS is in his second year of nursery he will be four next week. When children have parties at nursery, parents invite the whole class (the class list says the names of the children) and then the staff will put the invitations into the children's book bags. Which generally mean in the months of march/april there is a party every weekend. Regarding play-dates, generally DS goes on a one a week, on a day when i am not at work, i talk/chat to the mums while the children play. The playdate thing started last year, DS got invited round by another little boy and we returned the favour by inviting him round and it continued and then DS asked me if could come round and i said yes and i would just ask them on a day when i was picking up/dropping off or write a note with my number on and ask a member of staff to put it in that child's book bag.

Regarding your daughter, it seems that girls are even more into the whole play-date thing especially at DS's nursery. Each of the girls has their best friend who they go to ballet with etc and often they will have many play-dates after nursery, and then they will invite other friends round.

For us i wasn't so bothered about the play-date thing as those mums with one child, because ds has a sister two years younger than him so always had so one to play with. But now i see how important it has been for Herbie to have his own friend his age to play with who has similar interests. Perhaps, when you have a day off from work or your partner is not at work you could invite a little girl round from nursery, ask your child who is her best friend at nursery is and invite the child and mum round. It will allow your child to feel independent, feel as if she has her own friends that are not associated with the family, it will also get her used to the play date idea before she goes to school when it is generally normal for you not to stay with them. I mean it's up to you, but as you asked i would say that play-date are good at encouraging independence and individuality in children.

I see one family one day a week, who I have seen almost since DD1 was born (she is now 4). I make no appointments from nursery, and only did abut 1 every 2-3 weeks from playgroup. My children are just too tired to play nicely after they have been out all morning.

I would actually like to go out more - partly for my own sake, but the other mums don't seem interested.

Interesting thread - I thought I was the only one who didn't 'know' everyone else where their children go to pre-school!

As I work full time I only get the chance to go to the local toddler group now and again and so probably about a dozen times in the last 18 months I have been but often feel as though I'm quite an outsider with all the others who are clearly part of the 'clique'.

I didn't worry for myself but did worry about whether this would mean that my DS would be lacking friends as he got older, although I am assure by others this won't affect his friendships/socialising with others - just hope that is true

God no. I work full time and am lucky enough to have more family and friends than I can keep up with as it is.

I've always been polite with nursery or school parents but am not really interested in anything more. I don't have the time or emotional energy, frankly. My children are sociable and seem capable of making their own friends without my interventions.

My own parents were never anything more than on polite terms with the families of my schoolfriends and I don't think it affected me or that I ever wanted anything more.

Why don't you ask your DD to have a friend over/go to the park with. Yes she is young but it is a shame if she's not mixing.

We've a really nice group of 5 or 6 mums that go out etc. It's only because we are all on mat leave though. Didn't have time or inclination when at work.

I think the important bit is kids get to play with their own age, whether in school, or in the park or anywhere else...first I would not feel 'bad' for my child as this emotion quickly gets communicated (non-verbally) to the child....and let him/her be! By yes, whether through school, park or friends children, I would give an opportunity to the kids to see their own age kids as that's how they get to learn to be social, play together and also learn to be themselves in a group. Dnt worry about preschool invites....keep he objective in mind-have kids play with their own age, irrespective of the origin of the group!