Preschool problem. I need advice. Can anyone help!

[Pixelmama]

My ds is 4 years and 4 months and is in his second term at preschool. Prior to this he attended a private nursery for 4/5 days per week from 9 months.

Last week the preschool leader pulled me aside when I was dropping him off to ask if I "thought he was happy at pre school?". The question came out of the blue as I have had absolutely no reason for concern. She had concerns because he sometimes plays on his own and sometimes seems a bit distant. He is very happy/animated at home, we socialise a lot with other children and he plays well and he is happy to go to preschool.

I have now made an appointment for me and my husband to go in and speak to the staff this week. My gut feeling is that he may be a bit bored at times. He is the oldest child in his class and has been in a nursery setting for a long time. He is happy there but there is an obvious gap between the three year olds that have never been in a nursery setting and him. Don't get me wrong... I am not a pushy mum that thinks my child is a genius. I just want a happy child but I fear his lack of engagement may stem from a lack of stimulation.

So:

What kind of questions should I be asking to get to the bottom of this?

What should a pre school offer for the older members of the class?

Has anybody had a similar experience?

How can I communicate my thoughts without looking like I think my little prince is a genius/offending the staff?

I think it is ok for him to play on his own sometimes as long as he is happy with what he is doing. Am I wrong to think this?

Any advice would be appreciated.

You could ask to see your DS's EYFS Tracking Sheets which show developmentally where he is across all 6 areas of learning; you should look at his Personal, Social and Emotional Development and Communication, Language and Literacy charts in particular if they have concerns regarding interaction with his peers. If the Pre-School has cause for concern maybe he has not achieved some of the items that show he is working towards the Early Learning Goals. Ask to see your child's Learning Journey which should evidence him engaging in various aspects of the curriculum and any observations they have made.

Hope this helps.

My dd is almost four and tbh I ignore it when they make comments about her playing on her own, so what. I know she has a good imagination and tgat other days they will tell me she has spent it with x or with everyone.

I also try not to get to big headed when they say things like isn't she good at catching, drawing, counting, letters etc it's all done in a surprised tone like she is doing loadsmore than tge others, but she has other things she can't to as well like speak!

What I am trying to say is, it's one comment. It doesn't mean there is a problem. It could be as simple as he has been with the same children for so long it is a bit strange or even that most of the other kids went to nursery together.

Whats the big deal with children playing by themselves? why is it seen as a problem

if the pre-school is concerned about him playing by himself, they should be using the planning to help him engage with his peers, and extend his interests. I don't think a 4 year old can be bored if the setting are doing their work properly, it means they need to plan better around him.

when my DS was 4 he found his pre-school a bit dull because he was also one of a very few 4 year olds - and he didn't have an obvious friend - we solved it by moving him some days to another pre school which had more older children - there were other reasons for the move as well but it worked out well from that point of view - but I agree the pre-school probably needs to do more planning to suit a 4 year old as they proably need different things than 3 year olds