Worried about DS's relationships with other children

[BuzzAndWoody]

I have just come home from collecting ds from preschool and burst into tears as he said to me that he doesn't have any friends.
He is 3.4 and has been going to the preschool since February.
I've been worried about it for a while, as on a few occasions when I've arrived early to collect him, I've seen him in the playground just standing on his own while they are all playing. I've also seen him trying to play with the children in the morning before they go in, but they just run away from him. It's quite heartbreaking to watch.
He is very confident and will go up to the children and say hello, do you want to play, but most of the time they turn away.
I am feeling now that it must be something that ds is doing that is alienating them, but I'm not sure what. I've tried talking to him, but getting any info out of him is like getting blood out of a stone.
I am due to go and see the teachers for his review soon so I will bring it up then, but in the mean time any advice is much appreciated. Thanks.

Hi there,

Oh your post is so sad. Please do not blame your son. Promise me! Don't blame anyone. They are wee little ones and have no idea really how to make friends properly. The nursery will welcome your observations and they will be only to thrilled to help settle your worries - or work with your child to intergrate them more.

I say this, because when my son started a school nursery - it appeared that all the other children had decided he was the 'monster'. They did this innocently, because for a few days my son was happy to chase them. Little children do so love to scream and run away. But after a while, my son didn't want to play but the other kids kept running away. I'm going to cut a very long story short - but in the end - after months - we got cross and demanded the nursery take an observation for two weeks.

They then found out that this game was happening. Very quickly they helped him intergrate. I wish I had been more confident and not 'blamed' my child.

Three children down the line - I would go straight in and warmly speak to the teacher, sharing my observations.

Hi daytoday

Thank you so much for replying .

What you say makes a lot of sense. One day on the way home, I said to DS, "look there's xxx, why don't you say hello?" So he went over and said hello, and as we walked away, the boy whispered something to another little girl and then they both started chanting "Evil, Evil, Evil" .

I was so shocked, especially as the mums were standing with them.

DS can be quite boisterous, and likes to pretend he is a dinosaur, "roaring" etc , so I can only imagine that this has been interpreted wrongly by the children?

I will definitely speak to the teachers, but as I am quite an emotional person, I am a bit scared that I am going to break down into a quivering wreck in front of them!

Thanks again for your words of support - I felt like such a fool for crying, but it really does get to me to think that he has no-one to play with.

My DS was happy to play by himself and didn't seem to understand how to interact with other children last year at playschool. This was something that his keyworker noted and she worked at encouraging him to play with others and make friendships. Perhaps this is something that your son's keyworker can focus on?

If you're feeling a bit emotional talking about it, would it be possible to email your concerns to them first before going in for a chat? I'd also try to talk to them before the review if it's still a while away.

The "evil" thing is quite shocking and not a word I'd expect kids this age to know. If I was you I'd definitely be bringing that up with the staff and making sure that he's not being bullied in any way - even if he is the boisterous one.

Thanks for your reply
I can't email them as they are a very old fashioned church hall pre school and don't have an email address. But thank you for the idea. I have just handed in a form for his review and I did say I had some concerns so hopefully they will have read it and be aware. Yes the comments were horrible, but I didn't draw attention to it as ds doesn't know what that means so I just distracted him with something else.
Thanks again

I wouldnt wait to voice my concerns. If the children start school together it could carry on. nip it in the bud.