Help very stubborn, clingy 3.5 year old with separation anxiety still not settling at pre-school after 3mths.....

[NotInTheMood]

He cries and says he doesn't want to go every time I drop him off or begs me to stay with him. He refuses to take his coat off and will wear it all day even if he is hot and he refuses to sit at the table or eat whilst there. I have to casually take his coat off before we enter the building or else he will sit in it all day.

I thought about changing schools but having walked in during the middle of the day and seen him playing happily I decided to keep trying.The staff are lovely and the preschool has loads of things for him to do that I know he enjoys. Once I have left I know he is absolutely fine and I trust the school 100% that they would ring if he wasn't because they have done so before. They say he enjoys playing and loves circle time and he always seems happy when I pick him up (even relieved) and sometimes I have to drag him out.

The pre-school do a lot of family days where we can all go. Recently over the holidays they had a family day and put out toys and games and provided food etc and I went with dh and both my ds's. He was absolutely fine and I even managed to get him to eat and drink even though he preferred to sit in the corner away from the other children. It just seems like he wants me to stay with him but obviously I can't. He goes to school next September.

My daughter was similar, didn't go to the loo even for a wee all day! Started biting her nails excessively and was very shy and anxious. We just worked through it. The staff were great, painted a special picture for her in the loo, star charts etc. The day she did a wee I nearly cried! Took her out for a cake and bought a toy and made a big fuss of her. She then took great delight in telling me how many wee's she had done each time we went. She was so clingy the staff had to prize her off of me each time (went 2 full days a week). I dreaded her going up to reception class. At the end of term they mixed a lot with the reception class and she obviously saw younger children starting pre-school. By the last month she was much more confident and she has just started reception and I can't believe how different she is! It does feel like a loosing battle but sometimes they just need to work through it and confidence will grow. Good luck!

DD (3 in October) has never been to to nursery or away from us and is now starting 2 pre-school sessions per week. The staff said that it must be very frightening to be left in a place where she knows no-one. And asked us to keep coming in until she knows the staff/children and is happy to let us go.

This could be my dd. She is 3.5 and started at nursery 2 days a week, 4 months ago. They have to prize her off me almost every time and she gets hysterically upset but then calms down and has a good day. How have you got on OP?