Pre-school for 2 year old dilemma

[HongKongBaby]

We are British ex-pats living in Hong Kong. Here all children start 5 morning a week kindergarten September after they turn 3. It is also the norm that most children start pre-school drop off 5 days a week from age 2. We will be living here for long term and most of DD's schooling will happen here.

At age 2 I sent her to a pre-school 3 mornings (3 hr sessions) a week (I felt 5 mornings just too much and was able to find a place that would take her 3 mornings - unusually). She took a while to settle, not a lot of crying as such but always hiding in a corner for a while by herself at start of school. But by end of Easter term she was clearly having a great time, I could tell by her behaviour when I collected her.

Now, after Easter break, classes have grown, lots of new faces. 16 kids with 2 teachers and 1 helper. She is clearly anxious about going in and anxious about being left, she goes off to 'her' corner and teacher told me today she did not leave corner to join in for 2 hours. Some of the other kids cry, she is the only one who does the hiding in a corner thing! When I pick her up she looks miserable. Obviously 2 week easter break has not helped but am wondering if just wrong place for her/she's not ready? If I ask her she says she enjoys school and she is always telling me things she has learned at school.

The thing is that in order to get school place at 3.7 she will have no option but to go on school bus 30 mins by herself for 5 morning a week kindergarten in large classes. I want her to be prepared. Is she best prepared by building up confidence at home (or at smaller informal playgroup if can find one) or persisting with pre-school along with 90% of her peers. How long do you give it at this age for them to settle, don't want to withdraw her in a panic but don't want to put her through weeks of unnecessary stress either. I am trying to balance a) wanting her to be happy b) wanting her to be prepared for the crazily competitive Hong Kong school system and c) getting some time to myself.

I have also been told that she will need to be able to read and write before she starts reception in order to stand chance at interview! Education is crazy here, is it this stressful in UK?

Another factor is that my DH works 80 hours a week and I have no family support so dropping her off has been a life line for me, particularly as DC2 due September.

Is she friends with any of the other children at pre school - could you arrange for her to play with a couple of them outside pre school so that she has a couple of children she gets to know well - might make her more confident?

I would repost this in the living overseas area and flag it as a Hong Kong issue, so you can get some local advice. I think it sounds very Chinese and not something I would want for my children. Is there an American school you could send her to, as they seem to be kinder to children?

It's the school bus for half an hour I would be most concerned about. I'm guessing she has to go on a school bus because the traffic is heavy? Is there any chance you can take her in a taxi? Might be good bonding time too.

Is there also any way to observe the class to find out why she would be hiding so much - are there bigger kids who have picked on her? Would they have a different class that she could join instead as an alternative solution?

I know lots of friends in HK and Chinese families in the Asian school system - I don't think it's so much a Chinese problem as the fact that it is just a crowded city (bit like trying to find school/nursery places in some busy parts of London/Home Counties) and a different school system. Actually, Britain starts its schooling extremely early too (the standard primary/infant school has classes from 3), IMO, although parents have more flexibility and choice over how they want to do it or even withdraw from it till it is required by law from age 5.

The other option is to check all the other international schools to see what they offer (?smaller classes?) - it is not unknown for families to join a school of a different nationality (eg British to American, Australian to British, German to French, etc) if they prefer that system and it transfers easily when they return to their home country (eg the Baccalaureate). Many international schools teach in English anyway.The Norwegian international school has smaller classes (8 pupils) for pre-kindergarten and could be the solution (they teach in English). The American one unfortunately enrols only at age 3 (as does the Australian school) - did you say you wanted your DD to be in a class at age 2+ ?

Children don't generally get assessed/ tested at reception age (4) in the UK but some do for primary/year 3 (age 7, assessed age 6). I do know of some pushy English state schools that expected pupils to be able to read and write (their name, not just a few letters) when they started reception. There's also the question of language and what kind of school you are hoping your DD to get into - I doubt the average HK state school will be as demanding as many Cantonese speaking families will not even have children who could speak English; bilingual cultures and schools often are further behind in spoken and written language ability prior to starting school and even in the first few years of school vs monolingual countries like UK and US (although it is always different in the most sought after schools in any country).

I believe the Scottish system starts a little earlier than the English one - you could ask if any Scottish MNers have found that their DCs had difficulty settling in and what they tried, as well as how large their groups/classes are?