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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

What are the advantages of nursery?

12 replies

HipposGoBeserk · 04/05/2011 08:08

I have just started my 3yo at nursery, 3 mornings a week.

I am feeling very anxious about it.

I thought it would be nice for him to have a chance to do some lovely painting and gluing and messy stuff, but instead he comes home every day with an identikit piece of 'artwork' that he obviously hasn't done himself.

I thought it would be nice for him to have some other adults in his life (he only has dh and me) but tbh with that many children in one place I can imagine it would be very easy for a child to never actually be engaged by an adult all morning. They just get herded through. The 'lifers' get special cuddles and attention because the nursery workers know them and have watched them grow up, but a random 3yo like my darling boy is not going to inspire affection from the strangers who work there.

He does enjoy playing with other children, but he is not very used to it so on his second morning was put in time out for pushing.

Every morning there are children left crying. There are quiet ones who are just sad all day. Everyone always says "oh they cry when mummy leaves but cheer up 2 minutes later and have a lovely day" but having spent 2 mornings sitting in with ds, that simply isn't true.

I was so excited (and nervous) about this new step for him. Everyone says nursery is such a great thing for children. And he definitely does need something else in his life other than me. I just feel so sad (tearful even) that he is only 3 years old and is in a place where no one loves him.

Am I being a silly arse?

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compo · 04/05/2011 08:12

Give it a bit longer

my dcs loved nursery

they went every morning for two and a half hours once they got the free sessions

they made friends they ended up at school with and did things e never did at home

Original poster

HipposGoBeserk · 04/05/2011 08:19

Yes. It is very early days.

How long do I have to give it?

OP posts:

colditz · 04/05/2011 08:28

Hmmmm could you pull him out, take him to toddler groups (and no, three isn't too old at all) and try him again in September?

reason being, there are still children at toddler groups and you will be there to ensure proper behavior, and he will get used to it.

Grumpla · 04/05/2011 08:28

I'd give it a couple of months.

Can you make an appointment to talk to your son's keyworker about ways you can help settle him in?

Reading books where the characters go to nursery and talking about all the exciting things he can do there whilst you are with him at home might help. Talking about his keyworker ad other staff? E.g. When we do something at home I sometimes say "this is great isn't it, you'll be able to tell XX and YY about this at nursery tomorrow!". DS cant actually talk yet but he always says "Yeah!" really enthusiastically and I feel like it helps him realise nursery is part of his life not a scary separate thing IYKWIM.

colditz · 04/05/2011 08:31

or what about a preschool, rather than a nursery?

Ds2 hated his nursery, he hated being herded around as a big mass of children, and he couldn't reach the toilet door handle and nobody noticed, and consequently he didn't potty train until I pulled him out when he was 3.5!

I moved him to a very new preschool, which was ace. Lots of enthusiastic young staff, some older, experienced staff, nobody at all overworked (was rather under subscribed) the whole staff day was only 6 hours long so nobody was tired and fed up with children, and my little boy went gone from withdrawn, and occasionally miserable, blossomed into a chatty, playful and sociable creature.

Original poster

HipposGoBeserk · 04/05/2011 08:33

We are not in UK. What is a keyworker?

He doesn't have one, whatever it is. He doesn't even know the staff's names.

In September he is supposed to start full time, 5 mornings a week at a bigger place. That is why I have put him in this little 'friendly' place now to get him gently used to the idea.

From the September that your child is three, no one will take them part-time over here.

OP posts:

Original poster

HipposGoBeserk · 04/05/2011 08:35

I am unsure of the difference between a pre-school and a nursery.

I would keep him out alltogether, but there is very little in the way of toddler groups or mum and child things to do. I struggle to find other 3yo's to socialise with on the mornings he is not at nursery. They almost all go full time from the age of 2.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 04/05/2011 08:39

At 3, children go to nursery/pre-school in order to play with other children and to learn to behave appropriately in a group setting. I don't think that the relationship with the teacher is the point at all - the point is the other children.

breatheslowly · 04/05/2011 09:39

If your DS was put in time out for pushing then it is great that he is learning not to push now.

I would have serious doubts about a setting where children are left to cry - I have never seen this at DD's nursery and I walk through the toddler room to get to the baby room.

Original poster

HipposGoBeserk · 04/05/2011 15:09

Okay. Those are both more positive ways of looking at it. Yes, he needs to socialise, and yes, he needs to learn not to push.

Children aren't left to cry, but some of them cry a LOT. And there aren't enough staff to comfort every child who needs to be comforted all the time.

OP posts:

breatheslowly · 04/05/2011 17:55

I would still say that I have not seen children crying at DD's nursery, but perhaps that is because it is a full day nursery so the children are very used to it. I would have real issues with children crying a lot if they have been there for a while.

MrsNursery · 19/05/2011 00:58

I am so sorry to hear he is not enjoying Nursery as a former Nursery Manager I always aimed to provide the very best for all of the children attending the Nursery, Regardless of how many sessions he attends he should be celebrated and encouraged just the same as the children who are there full time, I would mention to the manager that it's difficult to leave your son and feel confident he is ok when you see so many others distressed, any good nursery would be happy to take your comments on board and would work with you to make your son settle in and seem happy, every nursery should have a policy in place that they follow with new children settling If they really are not supportive then re-evaluate if you think it's the right place, please don't think you are being silly it's your right to want the very best and he deserves to have a place that he loves, Nursery can be a great place, especially for a 3yr old as it's great preparation for school. I am concerned they would put him in time out on his second session, any good setting should know he is in unfamiliar surroundings around children and staff he barely knows and does not yet know his place at Nursery, Please feel able to query what they are doing you are not being rude or cheeky they have guidelines in place they should be following to make Nursery a great place!
I have created a free website for advice on childcare, I hope it helps!:)
www.mrs-nursery.com

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