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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

Two year old DS is hitting other children at nursery - please advise

5 replies

leicestershiregirl · 12/04/2011 22:25

DS started at nursery (private daycare) about 3 months ago for 3 afternoons a week. He had difficulty settling in - getting extremely upset on being left though calming down quickly, having a good afternoon and being in a good mood when collected - and this only got better a few weeks ago; he no longer gets very upset (screaming, clinging etc.) though there are still some tears maybe every other day. But he now chats happily about nursery and his key worker at home and we're confident we made the right decision putting him in nursery (we were on the verge of pulling him out at one stage).

However in the last couple of weeks on four occasions one of the nursery staff has pulled my DP aside when he's gone to collect DS and told him he has been hitting other children. We are mortified and keen to put a swift stop to this behaviour but don't know what to do. DP tried to discuss it with DS's key worker but the assistant manager was nearby, and she jumped in and hijacked the conversation, just saying it's quite common in children DS's age. The key worker said they tell him not to do it, but apparently they can't say it's naughty - is it just me or is that a bit daft? At home when he does something bad I say 'don't do that, that's naughty' and don't see anything wrong with that (but I do make a point of trying not to say 'you naughty boy' - separating the behaviour from the child). Am going to make an appointment to go in and speak to them properly about it, but in the meantime is there anything we can be doing?

OP posts:
HSMM · 13/04/2011 08:01

It is normal and you are right to say that the behaviour is bad and not the child. The best thing to do it make sure that the child does not get lots of attention for unwanted behaviour of any kind.

They should be happy to talk to you about their behaviour policy and what action they take in cases like this.

(be thankful it's hitting and not biting)

dribbleface · 15/04/2011 16:14

Hi,

The assistant manager possibly jumped in to reassure you, on occasions my staff are quick to discuss incidents like this with parents but are not as quick to point out they are informing them to keep them in the loop rather than it being a problem. Lots of nurseries 'ban' the word naughty however i agree with you as long as its in the right context. However an explanation can help such as thats not kind behaviour, look you have made 'x' cry, how can we make them feel better...etc etc.

I really wouldn't worry too much, 2 yrs olds hitting each other is pretty par for the course when workign with groups of toddlers and the staff should be well versed to deal with it. My own DS has been through it!

slovenlydotcom · 15/04/2011 16:18

when mine were at nursery we always had agreed courses of action eg-time out so that there was consistency - I know you are mortified (been there, lots of t-shirts) but it IS common and does not mean your son is going to grow up to be aggressive

mellowcat · 15/04/2011 20:48

I would suggest that you ask the staff if they could keep a record of observations (antecedents) to try to find out what happen immediately before your little one hits out. That way, they can intervene and offer him distraction/support before the hitting starts.

In my experience it's almost always linked to overstimulation or not being able to express themselves verbally in stressful situations. Do they have good outdoor play whenever they children want to go out to run around and let of steam?

Sometimes teaching all of the children to say and sign 'stop' really helps as children have another resource rather than hitting out when other tots are taking their toy/pushing/etc

ilythia · 15/04/2011 21:10

If it helps, from the other side, a boy recently started at my DD's nursery (it's not your son, this boy is full timeSmile) and he seems to have taken an instant dislike to her, every day she comes home with 'X punched me,' 'X kciked me' etc etc.
Yes, I am not happy about it, BUT X is 2, and therefore it is nromal, DD was a biter at that age so we have told her to push him away if he tries to punch her but apart from that I am happy to let the nursery deal with it. I have seen his mum at pick up/drop off and bear no ill will/malice to her or her son.

I knwo that's not really practical advice, but it was the mortification that was worst for me when DD2 bit someone, so don't worry too much about that.

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