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Preschool education

Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Original poster

DD,3yo, did a poo in her knickers at nursery today and told no one ... how do I handle this?

19 replies

MrsOtter · 04/04/2011 20:19

DD is competent at using the toilet, doesn't wet herself unless ill so was very surprised when she came out of nursery telling me she had a poo in her knickers.

Sure enough, when we got home I discovered she had poohed herself and spent the morning like it. I don't know why she didn't tell her teachers but I've told her she must and I've explained she has clean clothes at nursery so she can change if she has an accident. She seems to have taken this in.

Would you speak to her teacher tomorrow? If so, how you would say it, I feel daft saying 'dd poohed her knickers' and would you mention you were upset no one noticed?

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HSMM · 04/04/2011 20:52

I would tell the teachers. When my DD was 3 she would have been mortified and told no-one. They can just keep a gentle eye on her, to help her.

Well done you for explaining that it was OK and she has a change of clothes.

Original poster

MrsOtter · 04/04/2011 21:46

Thanks HSMM, I'll speak to her teachers when I drop her off in the morning. I think, like you said, she was probably embarrassed. I hate to think of her in that state all morning, its awful.

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 04/04/2011 21:49

Maybe it happened towards the end. But yes, sounds like you did the right thing in dealing with her. Ds1 pooed in reception (never EVER done that at home), but they did realise because he was walking around with his legs wide apart!

happyinherts · 04/04/2011 21:54

Is she able to change herself and clean herself up if it happens again? It's my understanding that nursery staff are not allowed to touch children and are quite happy for them to pooh themselves and sit it in until parent collects. I know it sounds disgusting and leads to children getting sore, but I have heard this is the case so children would have to tell the staff and then change and put soiled clothing in a bag and clean themselves up all by themselves.

thisisyesterday · 04/04/2011 21:55

i'm surprised they didn't smell it tbh!

so yes, i would say to them that it had happened, and could they perhaps watch for signs of needing the toilet.
ds2 is a pickle for going to the toilet on time and when he does need to go he runs around shouting "me me me"
so i've had to tell them this and ask them to take him if he starts getting jiggly or running about

Original poster

MrsOtter · 04/04/2011 21:59

When they did a home visit her teachers said they would help her if she needed it but I said she was fine at home and she's been fine at nursery since she started.

I'm not clear on when it happened, dd was vague and I didn't want to push it and upset her anymore but without going into too much detail I think it was a while before I picked her up.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsOtter · 04/04/2011 22:00

dh wondered about the smell as well thisisyesterday

OP posts:

CappuccinoCarrie · 04/04/2011 22:03

My DD has done this and she doesn't tell due to embarrassment, would rather wait to be collected by me at the end of the 2 hour session. Nursery would clean her up, but she doesn't tell them and the smell isn't always that bad. A couple of times I've known a poo is brewing and asked the nursery nurse to look out for 'the poo face' and they've helped her go. I've told DD that its fine to tell the nursery nurse just like she would tell me, but I'm not sure if embarrassment would still win out if an accident happened again. I'd mention to the teacher that it happened and ask them to keep an eye out, and find out if they'd clean it up or call you if it happened again. Best if they're aware, but I wouldn't get cross at them having not noticed.

herbietea · 04/04/2011 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onepieceoflollipop · 04/04/2011 22:13

happyinherts I think that part of your post is offensive to nursery staff:

"It's my understanding that nursery staff are not allowed to touch children and are quite happy for them to pooh themselves and sit it in until parent collects."

OP I have a 3 year old dd but she is very unclear about times/times of day. So if she told me she did something "all morning" for example, she may well mean just after lunch, or half an hour ago.

So possibly your dd had just done it? If she was very red and sore then of course it could have been a few hours, if it was a fairly non-smelly poo.

my 3 year old has very occasional poo accidents and reacts differently each time. I think sometimes she is taken unaware e.g. if a "trump" turns into a poo for example!

I would say give the nursery the benefit of the doubt on this occasion, (unless you have other concerns) but mention in a low key way that she had had an accident and she didn't tell anyone and could they keep a little eye on her.

happyinherts · 04/04/2011 22:15

I had no intention of being offensive to anyone. I said it was 'my understanding' I did not say it was a fact. I phrased it like that because I was unsure and merely quoting what I had heard. No intention to be offensive. So if I was wrong, then I apologise.

onepieceoflollipop · 04/04/2011 22:20

happyinherts thanks for clarifying. I think what you have heard isn't really correct. Any reputable or caring nursery nurse would be most unhappy about leaving a child to pooh themselves and sit in it til a parent collects.
I am sure your post of 22.15 clarifies that you didn't mean to be offensive. :)
I was a bit when I read your earlier post.

Original poster

MrsOtter · 05/04/2011 09:57

I spoke to the teacher and tbh she was quite defensive, saying they would have smelt it which I thought implied I was lying or exaggerating.

She did say that she would have a word about to dd so she knows she won't get in trouble though.

Thanks for all the advice

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 05/04/2011 10:33

happyinherts i think saying that nursery teachers are "quite happy" to let a child sit in their own poo is fairly offensive and I am not sure why you would think that.
I can understand confusion over whether or not they are allowed to clean a child up.. but that doesn't equate to them ignoring it or being happy for a child to be soiled does it?

i know in schools/nurseries where they do not clean up children they call a parent in immediately.

happyinherts · 05/04/2011 21:44

thisisyesterday - I did apologise yesterday.

thisisyesterday · 05/04/2011 21:49

yes i know, i was replying to that.
my point being that even if it is just "your understanding" and not fact that doesn't make it any less offensive to suggest that nursery workers are "happy" for children to sit in their own mess all afternoon

happyinherts · 05/04/2011 22:14

:( I apologised for my mistake. What more am I expected to do or say.

I think I will just disappear.

jackstersmum4 · 06/04/2011 19:49

I have a 4yr old boy, or he will b in two weeks, every time he goes for a pooh he always has pooh on his pants, I am not sure whether he is leaving it till the last miniute to go to the toilet, or he is going and wiping himself but not doing a very good job, as he has to do this at nursery (with that horrid toilet paper). I feel as if I am going back to basics on toilet training. Can anyone tell me if this is normal for kids?

greenbertha · 12/04/2011 14:46

I worry about this kind of thing with my 4yo DD a bit too as she is a very 'last minute' kind of child although no accidents so far.
When she started pre-school last Sept I asked questions about the whole toileting thing & was told that I was neurotic about it all as she's my first. I specifically wanted to know if they would help my DD wipe up after a poo - I still help at home as IMO she's not good enough at it on her own yet. I was told that no-one would touch her to help her use the toilet & that if there was a bad accident I would be called to come & deal with it or take her home.
As we only wanted her to attend 2 afternoons a week, we have gone for it & it's been fine so far but I can't believe the attitude to this kind of thing really. These kids are 3 & 4! I don't think it would be very nice for a small child to have been found to have done a poo then have to wait somewhere to be picked up.

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