Tell me I'm being precious - daughter unhappy at preschool

[sleepingbunny]

My summer-born three year old started at the pre-school attached to our local primary in january. It has an excellent reputation, is oversubscribed, and ofsted appears to love it. I loved it too when we went round to look at it.

We'll hear in a couple of weeks whether she'll get her place at the school proper, but meanwhile I am having nagging doubts about pre-school. It started really well, she settled, is making great friends and she's had lots of lovely afternoon playdates.

More recently she's been reluctant to go. She's having nightmares and sleepwalking a little. She's talked about particular children that she is frightened of. I've talked to her teacher, who said she had got to the bottom of it. She said it was a particular boy who has "issues with violence" and that she'd reassured my daughter that he couldn't hurt her.

My daughter still assures me this boy "hits her". I doubt he does, but she is coming out with phrases like "Be quiet or I'll punch you in the face" which I've certainly never heard from her before. This morning I had an hour of screaming before school. When we got there she went in quite happily. however.

My other worry is the fact that as preschools go it seems incredibly academic. Lots of pressure on teaching phonics, writing names, and letters home explaining why we should be doing more with regards to colours, numbers, and letters. She seems a bit young for this, but maybe I am being naive.

Sorry, this is a bit of an epic. What I'm asking, I think, is whether I am being precious, or whether I should be worried, and what I should do about it - especially with regard to whether what happens at preschool makes a difference to Reception too. We'll have to decide whether we want a place at this school or another and also whether to start dd in Sept or Jan in Reception in a few weeks time.

I work part time, so school dropoffs and pickups are shared with childminder and husband which further complicates the issue since I'm not always there to discuss it.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far!

I don't think you are being precious - it's horrible to see your child upset especially when they are not in your care.

Regarding the child she is afraid of - I don't think pre-school have got to the bottom of it as far as your daughter is concerned as she is still scared. This needs to be tackled somehow and I would speak to them again about it. FWIW my dd1 was afraid of another child in reception who knocked her over in the playground and was the biggest, oldest and bossiest in the class. Rather than keeping them apart, her very experienced reception teacher put them together for more things. The boy calmed down a lot once he realised what school was about, and dd lost her fear of him. They are now (in Yr1) really good friends. Maybe she needs a definite strategy, agreed with the staff, of what to do at pre-school if she feels scared?

Regarding the academic stuff - that sounds all a bit excessive to me. (My dd2 is also summer born and due to start reception in Sept and gets nothing formal from pre-school). I would maybe ignore their letters if you don't want to do the things they say. They'll probably go over the same things again in reception anyway. having said that, I have no experience of pre-school attached to school, round here they are completely separate.

I don't think you are being precious at all. No matter what they say, your daughter is clearly still scared that is no good! I would be concerned with what they have said about the boy as well: he sounds as tho he has some problems, which may be very difficult to manage in the pre-school.

I also agree that the academic stuff,imo,is way over the top; she is a young child and should be playing and having fun. I am not in England, so don't know about reception and best way to get into schools there, but if it were me I would really consider moving her or taking her out anyway, as it does not sound good, nor the best way to start out on learning.

Thanks. really appreciate people's thoughts. Think I will talk to the teacher again (don't want her to think I'm wasting her time!) and see what I can sort. Meanwhile still trying to give my daughter strategies for coping with this child. Hopefully we'll get there!

Academic stuff is definitely over the top.

With regards the hitter (mine's a biter ) if she puts her hand up and shouts stop when she thinks he is about to hit, loud enough to get an adults attention that might help - that's what preschool are training ds's victims to do.

Definately speak to her keyworker, They wont think you are wasting time, Your little girl is the most precious thing in the world and anything upsetting her needs attention and sorting so you are right in your approach...

We have had only a couple of little issues regarding preschool and our little boy but they are only to happy to help and put you and your little one at ease

GOod luck