1 year old having trouble settling into nursery

[RJandA]

Hi

Not sure if this is the right place to post this - my DD has just turned one and is settling into nursery last week and this week, then she'll be going two days a week. She's finding it really tough, crying the whole time I'm gone and not really eating there.

She's fine within minutes of me turning up to pick her up, and is just exhausted in the afternoon (from all the crying, I assume).

I know it's normal for them to cry at first, but how long does it normally take before they're a bit happier? We don't have much family near by so DD has hardly ever been away from me, and when she has, she has been with DP so this is totally new for her and very stressful. We really like the nursery and her key worker.

TIA for any advice

The thing is you have a combination of nursery school separation and the classic 1 yr old separation which happens - so you've got a double whammy.

What does the key worker say? Does she give your DD lots of cuddles and distractions?

If it helps, DS2 took ages to settle in at nursery. He started at the beginning of January and we were at the end of February (and my willingness to persevere) before things picked up. I just kept on keeping on and suddenly, one day, he just went in with no upset. Before, he'd been crying the whole time.

Something the nursery did that helped him when he was upset was to bring his pushchair into the room for him to sit in and retreat to when he was upset. Like a little piece of familiarity for him. It seemed to stop him crying and settle him down and when he was ready he just got out and got on playing again.

The most important thing is that you are happy with the provision and confident that it suits her.

She gets lots of cuddles, she's always on someones lap when I go in, and they sing and read to her and have asked what her favourite songs are so I think they are really making a special effort with her.

She doesn't have any comforters, just sucks on her fingers to go to sleep and when she's upset, but do you think a teddy or something from home would help? Or a t-shirt that smells of me, or would that only make it worse?

I think a teddy is ideal, if they allow it. My 3 yr old was allowed to bring in hers when she started at a new place in January and it was ideal - the whole thing from home / comfort item.

We took in a toy from home and some finger food and she got on a bit better today. Well, she wasn't bawling when I turned up and she managed a bit more food.

Thanks everyone, hopefully things will get better from here.

We started DS at Nursery at about 10 months old and he found it very difficult to settle at first. I had just started back to work and the whole experience was traumatic for all of us and to be honest had I not been on a three month notice period I would have resigned to rescue him. However after about 3 weeks things got easier and he started to settle and after six weeks I would say he was truly settled in. Now he is 2.4yrs and loves Nursery. He walks in each morning and goes straight up to the breakfast table to sit next to his friends and when I go to pick him up he comes to say hi and then runs off to play again. My advice would be to keep updated with her key worker, send a favourite toy from home (we sent a book he loved) and hang in there

Some children do take a long time to settle but it sounds like the staff are doing the right things. Do they make a point of keeping her with one person as much as possible to help her feel a bit more secure? If not you could suggest this as it does make a difference.

I'm a childminder and I always ask primary carers of children under two years send a tee-shirt or top they've worn as a comforter. It helps them to accept cuddles if the smell is comforting. Familiar toys, cds or dvds can be really helpful too. Smelling you or seeing familiar things will not upset her.

The pushchair idea is really good as is sending in her own sheet for the cot if she has a sleep there.