Biting at preschool - how to deal with it?

[Runoutofideas]

DD2 has come home from pre-school today with an obvious bite mark on her arm. It had happened in the course of an argument over a toy and dd2 hadn't told anyone at pre-school at the time because she was "too busy crying". I took her straight back to pre-school to show them, as I thought they ought to know. They seemed to take it quite seriously and said that "action would be taken" and thanked me for coming back.

Now I'm starting to wonder what that action could be. Clearly they can't punish a small child days later for biting, so realistically, what can they do? What happens to a child who persistently bites? Do they just keep a closer eye on him? I don't want to see a little boy in trouble, but equally I don't want dd coming home with bite marks. She is now under strict instructions to make sure "the ladies" know if anyone hurts her, but apart from that is there anything else I, or the pre-school, should do?

Biting is generally a way of communicating (usually something along the lines of 'I want that' or 'it's my turn not yours') and the nursery need to support the child in finding a more socially acceptable way of getting that message across or learning a functionally equivalent skill such as waiting their turn. This can take a while but can also be done proactively rather than waiting for another incident to take place. Of course it could just be a one off and not need any intervention at all.

A good nursery should be able to handle it well - it's not unheard of in nurseries.

Telling the child off really won't help as it gives the child no indication of what they need to be doing differently and so is very unlikely to reduce the chance of it happening again.

If the nursery don't appear to have a handle on it then they should look for further support (i.e. behaviour support team, educational psychologist, early years specialist) as it is definitely a problem that can be managed.

Thanks mullymummy - that makes a lot of sense. The play leader didn't look surprised when dd told her which child did it, so I would guess they are already aware of a problem. She didn't react as though it was a one off. They are generally very switched on and are probably following whatever procedure or plan they have put in place - and I understand that they are unlikely to be able to discuss it with me. I'll just have to hope it works and that it doesn't happen again.

(All of these children are in their pre-school year so 3-4. I would have expected biting to be more common in younger children than this, or am I wrong?)

Yes, it does tend to be younger children but if it's a child who is still struggling to get to grips with stuff like waiting their turn it could still happen. Biting has such an instant effect on the person that is bitten - you really can't help moving away and yelping - that for a child who wants instant impact it's very effective - they just need to learn other skills in its place.

I do hope the nursery manage to help the child in question.

Thanks. I left dd there this morning in absolute floods of tears - She hadn't been dreading going, but I think it all scared her a bit. What worries me is that this bite was through her fairly thick coat and long sleeved T shirt and it still left obvious teeth marks. If she'd been in a short sleeved T shirt with no coat it could have been really nasty. There was clearly a lot of force behind it. I spoke to the play leader this morning though and she did say that they had a plan to help the other child express himself more appropriately. Fingers crossed....