(Just) 4yo denying what she knows

[butterpieify]

Gah, right, this is really frustrating, but I don't think I can do anything without upsetting DD1 and/or being really annoyingly pushy.

My 4yo DD1 keeps denying knowing things that I know she knows. I think it is down to shyness, but I worry that she will do it at school and end up not being stretched and getting bored and not enjoying herself.

For example, she will chat about a subject for ages, use a word casually and correctly (today it was "history"), but if asked a direct question, she just looks blank and says she doesn't know (eg, after she had said that she liked looking at old things and hearing stories about history, I said "brilliant, can you remember what history is?" and she said she couldn't, but she does it with songs and poems that she has been happily singing or reciting to her toys, until I ask to hear it, or especially if somebody else does)

Am I too scary? I would hate to scare her, but I love talking to her, and she is getting really interesting to talk to now :) She doesn't get told off if she gives the wrong answer, and we don't do any nagging of her to learn things etc - these things just come up.

She starts school in spetember, and I dread her being left to get bored- I was bored out of my skull at school and it was miserable.

At the same time, I don't want to push her so that she doesn't get the basics.

I think it might be normal. My DD is almost 4, she does amazing ballet when she is class, and occasionally with me, but if I ask her to do it again she kind of pretends she doesn't know what I mean. Like your DD she doesn't like doing it in front of anyone else. It might be to do with the way we enthuse or something, like she doesn't want the fuss that seems to come with doing something impressive. Don't know what the answer is though.

That could be it. So, should I make less fuss?

:( I used to purposefully answer questions wrong at school, because I couldn't stand all the pressure and attention that came from being top of the class. I really hope she isn't getting into that habit.

Am I too scary?

Yes . Try not to stress though, I was bored at school and didn't perform well, DC1 is in Y2 and loves school, DC2 is very much like your DD but I'm not worried in the slightest, I'm sure she'll be fine.

My DD is the same - she is so shy at preschool that on her learning Journal there are some frankly ridiculous things on there purely because she is so shy and doesn't like any fuss.

Anything you ask her, she just says I don't know until you ask her several times.

Another example, she goes to various outside classes and one where they put on a little play each term. She sings and does all the actions as a solo in front of all the parents. At pre-school however, they said that they hadn't put her down to do anything in a recent little play they did as she didn't like to sing or dance!

I just put it down to the fact that she is young and she will eventually find a way to cope with her shyness.

It's also part of the reason I keep her going to outside classes as well as pre-school. I think she is able to relax and not worry there, which I hope will help her confidence in the long run.

I think only you know if you're pushing her. If she consistently says that she doesn't know then maybe leave it, but if she will answer you, I don't see how a little bit of prompting will hurt.